Ok, is this weird?

Hey everyone! The other night me and this girl I've been seeing had some fun in bed. We basically messed around kissing, eating her out, and while she was giving me a blowjob I asked to fuck her. She told me, "sorry I only do that in a relationship." Now, we agreed that we're not going to commit to anything considering she's moving out of state soon. She told me later that sex is something she takes seriously...but we basically were anyways right?? I've never had a girl lead me on....only to tell me that. What do you think about it?

 

I don’t see it exactly the way your friend does but it’s her choice. You need to respect it

 

She might view oral sex as less intimate, and only wishes to have sex (intercourse) when she's committed, and knows there are feelings on both sides. I don't see anything wrong with that. I don't think oral sex necessarily or automatically means something more may happen. It seems like you see it that way, hence you feel like she led you on. I don't think she led you on, she couldn't have ever known you would expect this from her.

 

Thanks for they replies! I totally respect her feelings, it's just something new I've never encountered.

 

I'm glad you respect her feelings. It's always good to learn something new.

 

Uh, hang on. I disagree with you ladies on this. Oral sex is SEX and an INTIMATE act. You Should be up front about your limitations/boundaries before you even get to that point. It's an awkward moment to find that out in the heat of passion, that it's not going to go beyond a bj. Knowing this ahead of time, allows us to focus solely on on the bj, and make the moment less stressful and awkward. If we are getting in bed totally naked, I'm thinking the whole damn thing is happening. You got to work with us, don't do shit like that.

 

I agree she should of been up front with me. I mean...considering she obviously hasn't had sex in over a year I'd figure she would want to take it further. But I also take in consideration maybe she was really hurt in the past, something I'm not aware of too. Another reason to respect her decision.

 

If oral sex was sex then it'd be called sex. And what if a woman no longer feels secure the more the act gets intimate, are you saying she should just give in against her own will because some sort of intimacy has taken place? Should she not have the right to say hold up, I don't like where this is going?

If your answer is no, you're fucked up.

 

I don't think it's weird. Some people consider the actual intercourse as something special, as in a next step, and that's where they draw the line if they are not officially in a relationship. It's not even a big deal. You asked, she said no. Certainly not the end of the world.

 

"If oral sex was sex, then it would be called sex?" So, anal sex isn't actual sex? Lesbians (having oral sex and rubbing their muffs together, and whatever else they do intimately) isn't considered sex? If an adult has ORAL sex with a minor, and depending on the age and the State they resided in, that adult is charged with statutory rape....for oral sex. You and the other women who posted, got all me all confused now. When did the rules change on all this and what we consider to be sex or not sexual in nature?

Did I say a woman should give in against her will? No I didn't, and that's not what I meant, and I would never say or think like that. Hell, she could change her mind just before the act of oral sex, and though it would be fucked up, because he's is now emotionally invested and thinking that it's going to happen, she has the right to say no, even at that point. It would be an awkward moment, and in a sense be looked at as teasing and shit.

And if men did that to women- change our minds in the middle of the act, we would be looked at totally different. Women would think: Why not? Whats wrong with you? What's wrong with me? Who else are you sleeping with? Did I do something wrong? Etc., etc., etc. Double standard here.

 

And some people consider oral sex to be something special, and reserved for someone they consider dear to thier heart. It is still an intimate act. Where are these women who are giving bj's without a relationship, or some type of connection?

 

You totally respect her feelings?

Even if her feelings were she didnt want to risk getting inpregnated by your demon seed?

 

I agree, but each person is unique in where they draw the line. Right now, if I was single, I'd definitely draw the line at the same place the OP's partner has, too. If a woman did the same, I'd totally understand because I can definitely relate myself.

 

Drawing the line, I get it. The communication just needs to be timely is all I'm saying. If there is no intention of being intimate, nobody's pants should come down for anything.

 

I know, but there's "being intimate" and there's "really being intimate". I actually turned away from sex three years ago when my girlfriend and I had a bit of an opportunity to lose our virginity to each other, because I just didn't feel the time and place weren't right. She brought condoms because, I suppose she figured it just might happen, but I couldn't do it. We were stark naked, in the shower and everything, but the time and place were just totally wrong to me. So I totally relate to the OP's partner.

 

Ok, I don't know what the difference is between "being intimate" and "being really intimate". Are you sure you weren't nervous about the whole thing at that moment, because maybe you didn't know what you were doing, since you were a virgin? You were in the shower naked with her....she brought condoms...
What ideal conditions were you looking to have in place for sex to happen at the right time?

 

We were at a public place. There was a level of privacy, but I just really didn't feel like this was the right place to lose our virginity. She understood. I'm not really nervous about it. Maybe when I was a teen, but those years are long gone.

I've also been in a long term relationship in the past with a girl who was extremely sexually timid. She couldn't even look at my penis, but she got to the point where she could comfortably strip naked in front of me. She enjoyed receiving oral sex from me while I enjoyed getting handjobs from her. I did the only thing that made sense; I respected the boundaries she set. Eventually she was starting to feel like maybe she was getting ready to have sex, but by then our relationship was starting to suffer from problems where compatibility was concerned. I no longer felt sure about where that relationship was headed, so I told her I wasn't ready to have sex. I feel like that was a good decision as we broke up shortly afterward.

 

Oh ok, I understand, that made sense. As for the timid girl you broke up with, it sounds like there wasn't any spark and your desire to be intimate with her fizzled out. Oral for her, handjob for you? Yeah, I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in that relationship. You're a better man than me.

 

Actually, our sexual interaction wasn't the problem. I'm sure we would've eventually had sex, and I've always been patient. It was just that, in the end, we weren't compatible with each other in terms of being in a relationship together and communicating properly.

 

Like I said before, it would be different if she told me beforehand.She's not implying "I don't like where things are going" at all. I mean I had sex with a girl that didn't like foreplay, wanted to have sex, but cried if I dare try kissing her, or touching any part of her body. I mean, we're in our late twenties now and till this day I'm still trying to understand what's going on lol. All I'm saying is, how things were going that night it came as as a surprise that she said it. So...I'll let things be, and maybe before she moves something might happen. It's good to see other peoples perspective on this though, I just don't want to sound like a dick.