ok guys, i really need you this time.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by paintedsocks, May 26, 2004.

  1. paintedsocks

    paintedsocks Member

    my boyfriend and i dated for 2 years. our relationship was the kind that made everyone sick -- it was just that perfect. i won't even go into how amazing it was because that would take way too long to write out. long story short, something beautiful fell apart recently, the past few months there has been a lot of tension between us for some unknown reason. perhaps because we're both growing up (4 years age difference between us) and tehrefore we are growing our own separate directions.. we didn't talk about the tension, but we both felt it. today i got home from school and there was the most heartbreaking email i've ever seen in my inbox, from my boyfriend.. explaining how he felt the same way i felt and how he has to go his own way. i can't even explain the kind of pain i feel. this was the first person i ever truly loved and honestly envisioned being with forever.. and he envisioned us being that way too. he is as heartbroken as i am, but we both know that breaking up was the right thing to do.. or at least it seems so. but then why does it hurt htis much? oh god.. i seriously need somebody. i can't stop crying, the tears won't stop, i am shaking, i feel like vomiting, i can hardly breathe.. and nothing helps. it has only been a couple of hours since it happened..w hen we talked on the phone we both broke down, neither of us can handle this. i can't escape the feelings either.. my room.. every wall is covered with something from him, every shelf or dresser is covered with things he gave me, my coffeetable is covered in roses from him, my CD player is full of CD's he made for me, i am wearing the ring he gave me as a promise that we would be together forever. i know it sounds so cheesy, so cliche, but we truly felt that way about each other. i am sitting here sobbing like crazy and i can't even see because i am crying so hard.. will this pain ever feel better? i can't imagine my life without him, and i know it's the same for him. i feel like i'll never again find anyone i could possibly love as much as i loved him, and i feel like nobody would ever possibly love me the way he did.. he taught me the meaning of true happiness. he has now also taught me the meaning of true pain. i fucking can't do this. i can't stand this feeling. i have never experienced pain like this.. i truly don't think i am capable of dealing with it.. i would rather die than have to feel this way. i know i sound so dramatic.. but i can't help it.. i truly am hurting so badly. the worst part is is that only time can make it better, and i can't wait for time. please.. if any of you can relate or just have anything to say, please reply.. i really, really need you.
     
  2. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    gone through this, i was like the guy...i ended it

    you must understand that he ended it because he was changing, and he needed to be alone, because otherwise it would of hurt you more in the long run. try and remain friends, it'll be raw for a long time, but it will work, it's just gonna take time. try taking each stage a step at a time. i can't talk about it too much, as it still hurts me...
     
  3. mystical_shroom

    mystical_shroom acerbic

    It will all be okay hun....
    I was with someone whom I loved more than anything in the world..
    We were even engaged at one time..
    To make a long story short we decided we were both young and this and that and decided to part...
    It killed me so much and i thought how can a person hurt this much..
    Well, now we are the best of friends and i still love him with all of my heart and always will...and who knows we might get back together...

    But if you both are heartbroken over this and are miserable..shouldnt you two be together..I just dont understand...
     
  4. SweetSoul

    SweetSoul Member

    i have once been heartbroken...it really hurts...and its a pain that does take time to heal itself...try to keep your mind occupied with other things...you should try to make a wonderful friendship out of it for the time being, so that way you can help each other through this...maybe you both just need time to go your seperate ways (even if it might hurt), but still be their for each other, then in the end you might come back together if your love is that strong...i wish you both the best and hope you feel bettter :)
     
  5. DarkLunacy

    DarkLunacy Senior Member

    Just curous but how old are you? This happens a lot with us younger types where we got everything all nice and its all solid but then it falls apart for no real reason. I'd say the best thing to do is to take off the ring, ditch the CD's and concentrate on just getting by. Horrible as it is, time heals all. My mothers kinda disowned me and its real painful to begin with but its like an infected wound. At first its real bad but it slowly gets better and in the end will still leave a scar. If you treat the wound right the scar will be smaller. You can get through this sweetie. Good luck :( -hug-
     
  6. paintedsocks

    paintedsocks Member

    thank you all so much for replying.. it really does help me feel better when people are there for me and i realize that i'm not the only person who has felt this pain. i'm 17, he's 20. he'll be 21 later this year though, so we're about 4 years apart. we started dating when i was just 15, and he was 18... so yeah, prime growing ages for both of us. other people have suggested the "taking a break and getting back together later" idea too.. and even we considered it.. but the true reason we aren't just "taking a break" is because we're both too afraid of getting back together, having it not work out (again), and then having to go through this entire painful ordeal for a second time. i don't think i could handle it. today is day 2 of the whole situation, and i woke up in tears.. skipped first blocks at school and went for the latter half of the day. ugh, it's so hard.. i came home from school and went to dial his number (i've done that every day for 2 years), then realized that's just not what i do anymore.. not only that, for 2 years we sent emails to each other every single day. today was the first day i woke up without an email in my inbox in those 2 years time.. it was not easy to deal with. ahhhh... i hate this so much. i wish there was something i could do to ease the pain.. i kind of have a history or self destructive behaviour; when i was really depressed some time ago it resulted in my cutting myself, and that was nearly the lowest point i've ever been at. i don't want to go back there. i got myself off that and i'm not going to go back there.. i need somewhere to channel my emotions, and it's just really hard. my friends don' tknow how to comfort me, i don't know how to comfort myself. will this ever feel better?
     
  7. Spuff

    Spuff Where's my ciggies?

    I've said it before and I'll say it again ... I've gone through the exact same thing. I was in a relationship much like yours (the vomit-enducing cuteness of it all!) for two and a half years and it fell apart for an unknown reason very rapidly. She sent me an e-mail while I was at college and I cried in front of an entire class. When I got home, I thought it would be OK but my walls were covered in her photos and there was so many things that reminded me of her.

    The best thing I did was completely re-invent the person I was. This really helped me. It's probably not for everyone but it meant I could be the person I wanted that my girlfriend disapproved of (like, I was a normal person and then started on Hip Forums and slowly but surely, I'm changing into a sort of hippy-punk ... without the violent nature, of course!)

    Anyway, the only real advice I can give is to change something about your life that you wouldn't have done whilst being with him. It worked for me anyway.
     
  8. Spuff

    Spuff Where's my ciggies?

    Oh and if you want to talk to me about it, I'll be your shoulder to cry on so send me a PM if you like ... :)
     
  9. kier

    kier I R Baboon

    it can be bearable though....it gets easier.....you will change though

    sometimes, if your really upset, just think of a tune (or better still play some music), take some really deep breaths...and smile.

    i wish you all the best, i know it'll be hard for a while, but in the long run it'll work out :)
     

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