at brian. he didnt have to do that. that was fucked up. why would he kill himself? im mad. i was only sad before. now im mad.
btw.... everyone... im so sorry for bringing this to you. i have no one to talk to. my family sucks. i try to be there for them but they are not here for me. i am THEIR parent. etc.... anyways, im sorry. i just had to let this go. its been very hard on me.
I have sworn to never so much as visit the grave of a friend that ever kills themself. The selfishness involved is inexcusible. I f you were still close and this happened, then he thought little to nothing of you. If he had moved on try not to take it personally. But he got what he deserved, scorn, death and nothingness.
well six months before he killed himself.. i was kicked out for doing acid and i became a whore. i was a virgin before then. i was raped then too. but i slept with a few guys for a place to stay. so i was a w hore. i told him in letters. i feel it was my fault. i dunno... but i know it was no one's fault. that doesnt mean i still cant be mad about it.
Its not your fault. Mourn his passing but try not to forget that he would rather hurt everyone who loved him then try and "pull himself up by his boot straps". Successful suicide attempts show how little they cared for those around them. Unsuccessful attempts show how much the person needed attention. It aint hard to succeed. If nobody cared at all about the dead person, then they had been dead already, and since no one is mourning, than what does it matter.
I don't know why he did it. I've lost two friends to suicide, so I kinda understand where you're coming from. Neither of them left any kind of note, so why they did it is a complete mystery. It still hurts to think about it, especially the first because she was my girlfriend and we had recently broken up, so I feel totally responsible sometimes, and just very responsible the rest of the time. Suicide is so stupid, they were only teenagers, they had no idea what life had in store for them. I loved those people, but in a way I still am angry at them for doing something so foolish and selfish. But I forgive them, and I can only hope that their souls are not in pain now. I have one last shot of tequila around here, I'll drink to their memory, and Brian's. Buck up kiddo. It's not much and it's corny as hell, but just remember that death is a vital part of life, it happens to all of us sooner or later. They decided to tip the scales towards sooner, but you have your whole life ahead of you and you must carry on.
thank you mister monkey.. and andy... even when im so mad at him cause he was the closest person to me ever and i always blame myself... even when im PISSED... i can never say "fuck you.... i hope you get what you deserve"-you know? i hope he is in peace and that his soul is good. he was a good person. he had issues as do i but i will never do that when i think of the pain i went through. there might be someone, somewhere... that cares about me half as much... and that's enough.
he cared for me more then anyone!! i dont deny that. he made a mistake that proved fatal. ya know? but yeah, im pissed at him. he left me when i needed him most....
I think, especially when young people do it, that suicide is a form of temporarity insanity. Someone looses track of how precious life is, the possibilities the future holds, the permanence of death, and the people that love them, and all they can think about is the pain they feel. Once you're thinking like that suicide can be very easy. So next time some teenager is whining about "nobody listens to me" or "I'm a freak", take a moment and listen, because most suicides are teenagers, and they probably just need a little perspective.
yea and he told me he wanted to do it but he said that for years. i feel awful but i try not to take too much blame. i really didnt know. monkey-boy... thank you for being here for me.. i really apprieiciatte it. prolly more then you can imagine. you're a good guy.
I'm sorry Was Brian a good friend of yours or a family member? I had a friend that killed himself a few years back. What helped me alot was forgiveness. I had to forgive him for what he did and that helped me let go of alot of the anger and sadness that I was feeling. It helped me come to terms with things a little better. I'm sure you have alot of friends here but if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me. Blessings.
i dont know the whole story with what happend but obviously he was a young man in pain and confused. people dont always commit suicide to hurt people. in actual fact they seem to think that people are better off without them and they do it to stop hurting the ones they love. to stop hurting themselves. so much in life we want control and sometimes with some people the only way to have control is in death. to control a situation that they feel in life and living is controlling them. people who also attempt suicide are not bad people. there are probally lots of problems there and the attempt is a reach for help. i have worked with teen suicides. worked on suicide watches and seen kids in front of me try and do anything and everything. hang themselves up on a tree. drink cleaning liquid. slash thir wrists.anything and everything. sometimes its not serious but what do we consider serious. death? there are problems there and an attempt should not be made fun of or written off like nothing. so many kids that i have worked with have been kicked out of home with drug problems. behaviour problems and its the familys only way of dealing with it. the families sometimes cut there children off ( tough love )and when kids attempt( the ones i have worked with) they think, if i end up in hospital, my family will want me back, they will love me and want to take care of me. they will see i am sorry. i dont know what u think about drug addicts, any form of addiction but no one likes to be an alcholic. no one likes to be addicted to drugs ad sometimes people become this way, not because they want to but because they feel its the only way they can get through the day and stay alive. numb the pain. i have known many drug users who are so ashamed of there addictions and feeling that they dont have control or cant give up and they want too......in death, its there last resort to having some control in their lives. to get rid of their addiction. plus u have to think about what long term drug use does to the mind. what that person has been through in life. had he tried it before. etc etc. with lots of young kids, many of their families say. give up the drugs and we will talk to u then. or u cant come home to u r clean. or u r an embarrasment. it could of been his way of saying ( in his mind ) i am sorry and i cant give up but i will take myself away...i just dont think u can go calling him selfish when u dont know. in his mind it was probally a selfless act. for the ones he hurt around him. his way of saying sorry. look at the way young people cut and slash themselves. has anyone seen the movie thirteen?. she isnt doing it for attention. she is doing it to make herself feel good and then feeling bad afterwards because she went to such an extent to feel or to punish herself for what she has been doing. i just dont think u can say something is black and white without thinking about the grey in life. im really sorry to hear about ur friend. it isnt ur fault and just think of it this way. he may of felt it was the only control that he could have in life and he was scared of the way he was living, disliked himself and wanted all his pain to end. its his life, he took it, he was responsible for his actions ( wether or not he was of sound mind at the time) he did it. dont blame urself. im srue there were many problems before u even came into his life and he kept it inside. sure suicide is not great and people can think what they like. what about people who are anorexic and die from a eating disorder. dont u think they know that not eating is going to kill them and they will die? but people see that different because they are not dieing at the hands of a gun or a slip knot. its fingers and throwing up.its more pretty is it?. iits more accepted then killing urself in other ways? do anorexics not think of their loved ones?...its the same shit but a different stink....it does not have anything to do with the way. they are all effected in the same ways but get highs and lows from different things. they have self image issues. the way they feel about themselves. what makes them feel good. why do they want to die. i am not coming down on anorexics neither. im just trying to show that people see people different and u need to see the grey as in most cases. all these people are the same and its the way u see as one is worst then the other. would u go and visit ur friends grave if they died of anorexia? if the answer is yes then why not a friend who commited suicide. would it be with 1 u have time to accept there death but the other because it was quick u cant accept it. its hard not to be angry at someone who has left us in suicide but that anger has more to do with unanswered questions. why and that how dare they leave us. how dare they make us feel this. why didnt they come to me if they were sad....it may help u to think of this. i cant control people places or things. what happens in this world is going to happen and i cant control it but i can control how i will react and what i can learn from it. the movie requim for a dream is a great movie. it shows of a family and the son is addicted to drugs. the mothers addicted to the way she is seen and then goes nutso on diet pills. but in society how we see as one is worst then the other. just about everyone in life has a form of addiction. try and see the human element rather then one is bad or makes a person a bad person. see what is behind it and why. lonliness. depression. self image issues. abuse. scared. wanting to belong. fear. mental health issues. instead of making a issue about urelf and how dare they. think about them.
well to everyone that asked ..... he was my best friend for many years and my boyfriend for 3. soul... thanks so much for the reply. i totally agree with you on all of it. see, this happened in 1998 and i never really got mad at brian for it. ive always understood and i still do. ive mostly just been sad and blaming myself. however, last night i just realized fully that this DIDNT HAVE TO HAPPEN and brian made it happen so i got mad. but dont worry, it's a given that i would forgive brian. i dont think there is anything he could have done that would make me not forgive him.
Who is Brian? When did he die? How did he die? I'm very sorry for the loss of your friend. I just read other posts for information. I know it's hard to get over a loss. I lost my dog Cyndi and some people might say that it's not the same. I'll tell you this: The people that tell me it's not the same, you didn't have to open the door to the garage and not see your best friend waiting for you. (it took me a year to stop looking.)That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with in my life. She was a dog to other people but for 15 years of my life she was my best friend.
