Ode to the Nice Guys

This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal, its sad that I can completely to relate to everything this guy is saying.... *sigh*

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

 

cheers! :cheers:

 

Hear hear!

 

Now, I'm only saying this because I've been there before

but...

nice guys are WUSSIES

yes that is the final verdict.

Think of how much time you've spent listening to a girl tell you her stupid stories.
Yes, I know she means the world to you...

I have been here too many times to appreciate this thread.
It was very well written, yes, to the point of me having to respond, and I'm drunk.
But really...

Men should never "restrain" anything.
How many times do you nice guys think you could have sealed the deal, if only you grabbed her and kissed her at the right moment?

I don't think women know what they want...
...but if we all keep going down this road, we'll be virgins until death.

Nice guys don't get credit because they don't deserve it.

I was sick of being a pussy, so I became an asshole, and it hasn't worked out any better. Middle ground is key.

Don't be a freaking therapist.

The well deserved vindication you speak of is the nice guy waking up to what he really is, a submissive wuss. This submissive wuss must be eliminated.

Relationships are like cars, you want one that is already put together. Nobody wants to buy the metal and assemble it themselves.
Women want a Man who knows his purpose, who is on a mission with or without them.
Women want to be sucked into a Man's world, and want to be totally enamored by the man's personality, world view, and position. They DON'T want an insecure wuss who's every action needs a woman's approval.

If you've got balls, USE THEM, don't waste your phone-minutes telling some dumb insecure bitch how precious she is when she is only using you to feel good about herself.

Fuck.

This post touched my heart because I can relate to it.

But me writing "touched my heart" is not going to get me anywhere with the ladies,
and neither is being a wuss.

We all need to man up. Thank you.

 

Thanks for the ode

 

Duh, I thought that's obvious. Also about the submissive part. But it's also very good to be submissive at times. You still can be the nice guy, nice guy isn't a synonym for wimp or wussie.

 

welll.....i dont want to burst anyones bubble, but i've dated lots of "nice guys" and they all turned out to have severe emotional problems, were nauseatingly clingy and eventually i just wanted to throw up anytime my phone showed that they were calling me. one even stalked me for almost a year, and another called my little sister for 2 days straight begging her to convince me to get back with him after i dumped him. maybe i just had the dozen bad eggs and most nice guys are great boyfriends, but in my experience, its more like babysitting, playing therapist and being a safety blanket than being a girlfriend. i for one prefer men, not emotional little boys.

 

Haha, oh my. I think a 'nice guy' isn't a one specific kind of person though. :tongue:

 

Yes you are wuss, but not because girls in your life are using you, but because you think you are a wuss because girls in your life are using you.

If you are insecure, the first thing to do is get over yourself. Then, move on and just live your life not to get girls , but for yourself. when you do that, then there is no 'wuss'.

This "living for yourself" might be 'being the shoulder for your friend to cry on', maybe being there for someone gives you a sense of gratification, then why would you want anything more? If you don't further your relationship and this makes others think of you as a "wuss", then bah so be it, be a wuss man and be proud. Live to your satisfaction first because really... that is what you are after anyway.

 

There is only one nice guy in this world and that my friend is some one who is honest with himself and just lives a life full of unconditional compassion .

 

I don't think that is the kind of "nice guy" we are talking about. There is a difference between what is mentioned above and what you are talking about. I can honestly tell you Im not clingy, nor do I have "severe emotional problems". I may be a little more sympathetic and compassionate than the average guy, but I think thats a good quality to have.

I personally would rather find the women few and far between, that can truly appreciate me, than those women that always fall for the ass holes because they are probably fulfilling some sort of abusive father complex.

Tell me this, would you rather have a nice guy or some jackass that is vain and selfish, constantly insults you, leaves you hanging, cheats on you, and just generally treats you like shit?

I have no problem with the way I am. What I do have a problem with is the way some men think its appropriate to treat women, and with the women that latch right on like a leech for reasons I simply can not understand. No, its not jealousy, in fact I don't want to have anything to do with a woman that would do something like that for obviously superficial reasons.

 

I guess 19 years with the same woman counts. But, like they say... All the good ones are taken.

 

my boyfriend is a nice guy, that's why I love him
actually he's SUPER nice

 

That's so true topic creator (what you posted)

 

Amen man. Amen.

 

according to your definition I am a nice guy so thanks.

 

No they are not. :\ They usually just get ignored.

 

This topic hasn't seen any action in a while so I thought I would give it a little bump.

 

i never got the asshole attraction, beyond getting a piece. just like the bitchy broad with the sweet ass, they're good for a bout in bed but not much more.

 

btw, though, having read that "ode," i'm thinking to myself that i wouldn't put up with that from a friend. i'd tell the clingy psycho to get his/her crap together and find a new friend. what sort of co-dependent would put up with that shit?