N is for the number of times i spiked myself, the natural odour of dead bodies. U is for the unbelievable shallowness of every being. Regardless of things staring them in the face. M is the man, the men who changed me for better and for worse. Their minds are confused and therefore mine is too. B is the black suit people wear for funerals. Death happens, yet we ignore. (btw i know this isn't any good i just had to write it)
wow guys thanks for not ripping it to pieces i was kind of afraid of that. it was just an emotional outlet to be honest, but i'm glad you like it
hi there i loved this go let it out the words are for writing and this is very powerful in a common way realization can bring out the best in all human hearts and minds.......... lovenpeace from saff i like the line B...... is for.. very true.very easy to forget what death is doing ,the causes of death with in this world.
Lozi plays with a form ages-old; they called it "acrostic". Try rewriting it to hide the word. For instance: "Numerous times i spiked myself, the natural odour of dead bodies. Unbelievable, the shallowness of every being, regardless of things staring them in the face. Men have changed me for better and for worse, their minds and mine are confused. Black suits: people wear them for funerals. Death happens, yet we ignore." The lines could be shorter, too. But I'm not criticizing; just suggesting a new avenue.
Maybe, I didn't understand it or something but I didn't like it, in fact sorry to say but I didn't really see a drop of goodness there You bring out a word for the letter and it isn't the main focus of that I guess it would be called a stanza... (don't know much about shit.... I don't even remember their name... something with an 'a') for instance, you say N is for the number of times you spiked your body, and then the next line is about how dead people smell.... am I missing something there or is that slightly unrelated? And what does shallowness have to do with the people ignoring the things "staring them in the face" if anything being shallow would mean you only see the things that are apparant It just didn't make much sense to me. I understood the points you brought up but not your descriptions
that's ok duck, it wasn't for understanding anyway. whether people like it or not isn't my concern, but whether i have succeeded in letting out my feelings however jumbled or badly written.
I liked this, Lozi… it’s raw and has a from-the-heart feeling to it that’s felt. Kinda goes to a dark place, not that I mind that… it’s good to address sometimes
