My fiancee and I are getting married next year. But there are several problems with his son, he is 17 and does not do anything, doesn't attend school, have a job, nothing but play video games. He sleeps on my couch until 11:00 in the day and up all night watching t.v. When I talk to my fiancee about it, he says I am working on getting him back into school and get a job, etc. His mother is a junkie and gave him up. Trully, It breaks my heart to see the kid do nothing at all and be so bored all of the time. At the same time, I don't know I am ready for kids myself or the responsibility of being his step mom. But, he is very nice to me and respects me a lot because I am finishing my masters degree and have full-time job. Any suggestions?
Try not to assume the "mom" role too quickly and try being his friend first. Seems like you already have some headway there and is your best chance of having a positive influence in the son's direction in life.
Agree with the friend not the mum role, and you are ahead of the game in that he respects you, and you are showing an example that he probably hasnt had from his mother by the sound of it, show him what life has to offer for someone who works hard and achieves dont try and push him! And let dad take up the heavy duty responsibilities thats his job not yours, just be supportive for them both!
Here is my advice... help him find somethnig he is into... my life was headed the same way as his... and i found theater... now im almost never home and its a constructive way to spend my time... the worst thing you could do is sign someone up for the army... way to let him know you really care for him... that is something that could mess with someone for the rest of their lives...
As a "child" from divorced parents who continously had new partners, what I can say is, don't try to step in and be the mother, at least not right away. You'll only get resentment, especially at that age! Let the father handle this, give him suggestions, but don't try to take it on yourself because believe me, more than likely, it won't go over well. Just be supportive, show an interest in him, and most of all, make him feel like he matters. Which, it sounds to me you're doing pretty well at already! Just keep on! Good luck to you.
Your comments have been great and supportive. I really appreciate your advice. I am only 25, the kid is 16, so I am like a big sister to him. He is a great kid, very intellectual, loving, good-natured, and is passionate about being a videogame designer. I grew up very quickly like he did, my parents were drug-addicted but they watched me very closely. So I feel that I can relate. it takes a lot to overcome many of those obstacles he has because I encountered them too. I overcame and worked really hard to get where I am today. I just want him to be prepared and ready for the real world, which I sometimes think he lacks structure. I have never been the person to just sit on the sidelines when something is going wrong, I just can't do it.
He wants to be a videogame designer because that is all he knows. He needs structure in his life, and the military, if you don't get your ass shot off in Bush's War, will give him that.
Dude, you're serious about this? I've never been in the military, but I think that becoming a soldier is a matter of choice. That is, you become a soldier because you truly want to become a soldier and not because your parents think you need "structure". Sure, the military will give this kid structure, but that's not why the military is there. It's there to defend the country, not raise it's children.
The problem is your focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but people like you I really pity. So maybe you could use the few brain cells you have and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.
The military can provide the discipline and structure in life that is obviously missing for this kid. He is drifting through life, doing nothing. If not the Marine Corps, then the Navy or the Air Force. They can give him the structure and training to make something of his life. The miiitary is not just for defending your country, it is for contributing to society and making something of your own life. His mother was a bad human being, a junkie, and he has to recover from that. This way may be one way to help him, but it is his choice.
Thanks for your advice, besides the unknown point cRod was trying to make- In the back of my mind, I think that the military and army are great for a young man, especially him. I just don't see this being of any interest to him since he is accustomed to doing practically nothing or just playing video games. I am just a pretty tough situation right now because I feel like I am standing back not doing anything.
I think that sending him to junior college or trade school is way better than joining the military unless he really wants to. Once you sign those papers its over.
