No Will Left to Feel

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by FreeWillFreeLove, May 27, 2004.

  1. FreeWillFreeLove

    FreeWillFreeLove Member

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    Blowing about in a hurricane

    Eyes forced closed with someone elses heart

    Strifeful waves batter steady rocks 'til the caves fall in

    and the sands shift, part, and absorb

    Like the butterfly in the world-winds

    battered and strong, graceful but weak

    Never looking through the static

    dying for its stripes.

    It ain't real, shouldn't be real

    What was it that i claimed to feel?

    can't be real, won't be real

    another life of shit to heal?

    praying for death if only for that night

    existence laid down for one last pure delight

    comfort of silk, union of minds

    not to be.

    Laying down now into my shell

    of ebbing gold glowing into forever

    a stone to muse over in the river of time

    and to discard in ultimate mercy.

    opportunity gone and with it doubt

    she's the one thing i'll have to live without

    and that's the one thing

    i'd die to change (which wouldn't make much sense)

    Time to suffer in my own remedy

    Ain't that the way dementia should be

    quest for perfection undermined instantly

    by a human desire i just can't set free.

  2. ravenapples

    ravenapples Member

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    Your poem seems like something written while warming up to write. I can't understand that much of it and the flow is so choppy. Read it out loud to one of your friends or family and see what they think. There's a message in there but its very cloudy.
  3. FreeWillFreeLove

    FreeWillFreeLove Member

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    mm-hmm, consider it an unrehearsed flow of *stoned* internal dialogue :(

    Or shapeless metaphors, and references to something I know about :cool:

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