so yeah this is my first ever poem, and i've not been writing too long (just since fourth grade) and i'd like to know what y'all think
i had to read it a few times, but i really like. it reminds me a lot of jim morrison's style, really mediforical. but i believe i get the gist of atleast what it means to me. sometimes words are miscalculated and all that should be done is to lay down and confide in one another without words being said huh! i really dig your style, peace love and groovy colors
this is a great piece, it's a little weird in places, but that's why it's a great draft punctuation is your friend even if it's not your style (i had to learn this as well). not sure about your use of quotes in some places, like the "stop" for example. the way the line was going i didn't feel like anybody was supposed say anything. the "will out tongues rot out?" i'm sure that was supposed to be "our" the "he has been a snake" is an awkward line, it has potential but it's awkward because it's passive and abstract. speaking of abstract, this poem is very abstract, which works sort of, but not everything can be abstract. as the reader i want to know, where are you, who is talking/who is saying what, what is going on. these can all be answered easily and without sacrificing style or meaning. this poem was a pleasure to read and i appreciate your talent. keep writing
i had to read it a few times and i write a lot but i still dont really think i get it ....but thats cool b/c if its personal to you that all that matters.... sum of my stuff no one gets but still i know what im talkin bout even if they dont.....u no?
