Hello to everyone, I am new to this forum so I wanted to take the opportunity to tell a little about myself. I am a 53-year-old male, single with two grown boys. I live in the USA all my life and have had somewhat of a very interesting but somewhat difficult life. We lived in the country and I stayed outside most of the time because I love the outdoors and even though at the ages of 7 to 9 years old, even though my father in particular was a very mean person and looked down on nudity in the home and seriously gave me a negative self body image. But the thing is as far back as I can remember I just hated wearing clothes and took every opportunity to get naked and swimming in our pond along with my best friend. My mother, I guess I was about eight years old noticed that I was walking differently so I spent time in quite a few hospitals with them trying to figure out why my leg muscles were not developing properly. I was a very sweet kid and loved to make others happy. But regretfully I lost most of that boyhood innocence, as a grown cousin of mine began molesting me when I was 9 and went on until I was 11 years old. No child should experience what was done to me. Coincidentally it was when I was 11 years old that I was finally diagnosed with CMT, a neuromuscular disease and have had to wear leg braces ever since. But it wasn't something that was going to slow me down, I was a very active boy. Although what my cousin did to me, really damaged my self esteem, but also damaged my body image, and having such small calve muscles, I would not ever let anyone see my legs but also my nakedness, apart from my best friend. As if that was not enough, at 12 years old, I lost my vision and it sent me into a very dark place of severe depression. I was made to attend a blind school a few towns over and I cried every night and refused to have anything to do with anybody. Fortunately the staff were so wonderful to me, mostly the swim coach, who hounded me to join the swim team, and even though it petrified me to have others see me in a swimsuit, I joined the team and even with underdeveloped calves, I became the second fastest swimmer. I guess because I have always taken to water. So between my loving mother and my swim coach, they drilled it in my head that I was actually worth something and for me to never let my disabilities get in the way of living life to the fullest, and I hope that I have. Something that may be even more important that my mother instilled in me was to always love everybody and never hesitate to lend a hand to someone in need. Which I am sure she is the reason I have spent the last 5 years volunteering at a local ministry, helping anyone in need. I sort of got off of what I was saying about the swim team in school. Even after joining, the depression and very low self esteem still haunted me. After swim class I was not about to let the other boys see my nakedness, so I went back to the dorm to shower alone. But this is where there was a major turning point for me. I overheard one of the boys telling the coach that it was unfair that I got to go to the dorm and shower and not with them. I think this was the first time that I decided to look at what I feared as challenges to overcome. I just had such a negative opinion of my naked body and would not even look in the mirror. I was so afraid that the other boys would maybe make fun of my really small legs, not to mention, that to me I thought I had a very small penis as well. But I forced myself to go to the locker room and strip naked and joined the other boys in the shower. The big turning point for me was that no one said anything about my legs except maybe ask about them which I gladly explained. Also after years of believing I had such a small set of genitals, I no longer thought that because most of the boys were the same as me. They were all really good guys that had their own handicaps to deal with. And this is where my depression, low self esteem and negative body image mostly ended. Going blind was bad but attending the blind academy was the best thing that could have happened to me. (Well I guess I will get further into my life in another 3 or 4 pages), It was just a very difficult, yet wonderful time in my life. So here is where my life drastically changed. During my senior year, my church had a prayer vigil for me and over the next two weeks, I regained my vision and no doctor can explain it. Of course the first thing I did was get my drivers license. About a year later I got a degree, in of all things, photography. So over the years, there has been very difficult times, like I am sure you all know to well, but then again some good times. The depression, even though it took a back seat for some time, was still always there and I, today do have some really bad episodes. Over the years I have desperately tried to self-medicate through the use of drugs, I am now a recovering addict. About a month ago I did something horrible and something I thought I did not believe in, that perhaps I would go to hell for doing it. I think I will save that story for another post..If you read this all then thank you and I am glad I found this forum...
Welcome BlindBoy. Thanks for your detailed introduction. Are you using voice to text software? You might want to consider splitting long posts into several paragraphs, it just makes it easier to read! Enjoy your time here.
Hello, I read all of what you wrote! I hope you enjoy hip, its not hard to find someone who can relate with any part of your life events in one way or another!
Hi BlindBoy. I look forward to seeing you post all around HIP Forums. Warning. This may take years! ........ Best regards Boozercruiser (Kenny) ...
