So im in a new relationship i mean brand new its less than 48 hours old. His mate was suggesting we go home on the first night but i wasnt feeling ready. Hes ok with it just said when you are ready so no pressure. Ive only had sex twice before and it hurt both times cant say i enjoy it. Ive only given one blow job and was extremely uncomfortable doing it. Im very hard on myself and i think this comes down to not liking my body much and also fearing disappointing him and being intimidated by the intimacy and just feeling vulnerable really. Is this normal? Am i crazy? Tips to overcome these things.
There's nothing wrong with waiting until you're actually ready. I've backed out of sex on multiple occasions myself, and I'm a guy. Although, for me the reason has always been that I want it to be a special experience rather than a hurried, awkward situation. Your body image thing, you have to work on that yourself. It's easy to feel like you're not attractive, but if your core self can see that you're attractive by default, then it's a matter of finding ways to improves areas that needs improving. Without this default basic self-confidence, self-confidence where you know you are capable of becoming a better version of yourself, it would be much more difficult to achieve what you want to achieve in life. How well do you know your new boyfriend? It is not a bad idea to be honest about your feelings in regards to sex with your partner. Is your situation "normal"? I've heard similar things before. The question is, why is "normal" even good? Are you crazy? I couldn't answer that one as I don't know you at all. Tips that I can give you would be, fear not. I do sense a lot of fear coming from your post, and I must say it might eat you whole one day. Instead of fearing that you might disappoint him, communicate with him. Read up on all kinds of educational lovemaking tips and gain knowledge(your man should do the same). Then practice on each other because you can. If you end up disappointing your partner, don't panic and fear. Being disappointed is fine, just say, both of you, that you'll try to do a bit better the next time. Your feeling intimidated by intimacy is, again, not uncommon. Take your time and get to know him better, and become more comfortable in his presence over time. That's what I would generally say. All the best, ::AT::
Thanks. I must say everything you have said makes sense especially about my fear. Its weird. Its like on some level i know im attractive because ive often been told so (i hope that doesn't sound arrogant. ) but when it comes to sex its hard for me to stay confident. Its like the clothes come off and so does any sense of certainty. Maybe this effects a lot of people?
You're welcome. I'm speculating that this uncertainty/insecurity comes at least partly from the fact that you haven't had much experience at this time. That's totally okay. I bet you anything you're more experienced than I am, lol. The difference between you and me is that I'm comfortable with my own lack of experience. We're all as experienced as we actually are at a given point in time. There's no reason to perceive it as negative when it comes to stuff like this.
Ok thanks. Umm just another question. We have literally been officially dating for 48 hours..hes already telling me he loves me. He liked me for about a year before we even got to this stage. He hasn't been in a relationship for a number of years so he might just be excited. Im the opposite it takes me a while to say these things. He also changed his profile picture to a picture of me...do i have issues or would others be overwhelmed by this..he is 50 hes not a teenager.
Yeah makes sense again thanks. I can be an over thinker to about stuff like this. Its a problem sometimes lol.
No problem. So you two have known each other for some time, that's relieving. Otherwise his saying "I love you" after merely 48 hours would be a bit much, lol. Maybe he's really excited that you've finally agreed to be his girlfriend. It's funny because I didn't say "I love you" to girlfriend of multiple years until only recently, whereas she first said it to me much earlier on. We're in a long distance, international relationship and I've so far only spent a few months with her in the flesh. I think it depends on the partner for me, but with my current girlfriend, I just felt like really making sure that my feelings for her was actually love. And it is, so all is well, lol. Everyone who knows me well enough can tell you I can be a major worry wart, too. But, at the same time I seem to be the voice of "unconventional reason" when someone comes to me for advice. My best bud can testify, lol.
Thank you. Yeah its probably been about a year we have known each other. And maybe its because he had interest for a lot longer than what i have. Maybe its the fear from my side you mentioned before haunting me lol. Yeah its probably easier to think reasonably when its someone else's problems not your own. Everyone says hes a great guy so i guess i should believe it
No problem. Give him a chance, and in doing so, you'll be able to find out whether he's compatible with you or not.
I think it depends on age. I’ve had men close to 30 who, believably in my mind, claimed they’d never had intercourse. I thought they waited too long and felt it was a privilege to introduce them to a vagina.
