The Malcolm X figment has been following me around all day. He is harassing me into walking the narrow. He's interrogating me about the fact that my bff is male, saying that he just wants to get into my pants. I know without a doubt that that's untrue, but it's private why and X just keeps persisting. This figment has destroyed any hope I have in the human race. I feel like this is very realistic and that this is exactly how people are once you dig deeper than small talk. So now I'm more or less a loner. I don't talk to the public unless I have to. People are horrible. I like my solitude and I enjoy talking to myself. I learned things about myself I didn't know like my favorite movie and my favorite color. I talk at work but no one said jobs had to be enjoyable. Nobody likes their job, they just get on with it. So I'm willing to be professional. Beyond that, on my spare time, I say the world needs to leave me the fuck alone. P.S. I still have casual sex but only with a select group who I've known for years.
Are you okay? Some people are horrible. Some are not. I like being alone by myself too oftentimes. I find I don't get bored in my own company. It's good to learn things about yourself that you didn't know.
Thanks for responding you two. I'm struggling to be stable again. He's still here. He said "I think you're completely incompetent to take care of yourself." I really don't respect that guy. I was the type of person who loved helping others. I wanted to give back, to be a do-gooder. I thought that came with being a quasi-hippie. Now I feel like I just don't respect people, at all. I think they're blind sheep, I think they're followers,I think they're ignorant, rude, mean=spirited, juidgmental, conformists, narrow-minded,manipulative, controling, and boring. So I don't talk to them, not even at work. Writing my feelings helps. I've tried talking to myself but it was hard, but I'll try it again.
Okay I'm back. I think I was just having a really bad day. I feel much better now. I don't hate people today. I'm having fun and just enjoying life and distracting myself and getting a life so that I won't have these negative daydreams.
im sure many of us have flt tht way before. Its great tht u had a way of letting it all out. Glad ur feeling better.
Ignorance is (sometimes) bliss. Don't look too closely at how humans act or the condition of humanity in general. Reality can be very disconcerting at times. People can be absolute shit--in general and including those close to us. Remember --it's not always what happens to you that brings you down--it's how you react to what happens to you. A peaceful mind is ofttimes difficult to achieve if one is prone to reactionary responses. I think that there is always a lesson to be learned in difficult situations. I hope that you can find peace and joy for yourself. You deserve it.
