So, I guess for starters I must admit I'm not completely a lesbian. I'm actually pansexual, but I'm in a relationship with a girl and never plan to end it. I tell you this as a little background info because I don't know what to do. I've been with my girlfriend for almost two years now. We've known each other our entire lives though. Lately I've found myself unable to be turned on by her. At the beginning of our relationship, it was easy, of course, as we had hormones working with us. Now, however, I just feel bored. No matter what she does I don't feel turned on. It's nothing to do with her appearance or whatever, as I think she looks wonderful (she doesn't unfortunately). Just nothing she does works. I don't tell her this though; I don't want to hurt her feelings (she's extremely sensitive). On top of all this, I'm now thinking about having sex with guys. The weird thing is that I haven't been able to handle anything going inside me since I was molested a few years ago by an ex-boyfriend. But now I fantasize about it...even though it's never felt good previously. I also think I want her to be dominate, but she doesn't know how and when she does try to do it, it ends up just being awkward. So what do I do? The entire situation makes me feel extremely guilty. My girlfriend is afraid that I'll want to go find a guy if she isn't perfect. I wouldn't actually do that. I love her. I want to be with her. If our sex life sucks, so be it, but I'd like to find a solution first.
Hi Thimble. Any other changes? Life changes, medications, stresses? You really do need to talk to her. Don't tell her you aren't turned on by her, tell her you want to spice things up. She may well be feeling the same way! Also non-sex things can really help - get all nostalgic about the early days of your relationship, take turns to give each other little romantic creative (non-cost) surprises. If you think it is too hard to talk to her and get this sorted, you may as well face the end and deal with it. If you can talk and get it sorted, you will be stronger and better than ever together! Regarding being turned on by guys despite having been molested, it is actually quite common for people who have been molested to wind up fantasising over similar situations to how they were molested. It is a way of taking the power back over the situation - even if you still play the 'victim' in the fantasy, because you control the story it gives you the power back. It is also the biggest personal taboo one can have, and taboo is the basis of fantasy. I do the same, I was molested and now that act is one of my main fantasies, much though I never want to do it again. A lot of people who have this feel shame and confusion, but it is quite common.
