So me and my wife of 17 years are apparently having some issues, but I just read something i probably shouldn't have read and its got me incredibly upset and i'm not even sure how to approach the situation without straight up telling her that i read it. So we have 3 kids, 12,10 and a 1 year old, which needless to say has put a strain on the relationship (lack of sleep etc.. which leads to lack of sex drive) With that said, for the past few months we have been having a great sexual relationship, and were having sex roughly 4 times a week, which is great. Not to "toot my own horn" but i'm a very selfless sexual partner for the most part, so much so that it upsets me if i orgasm but she doesn't, so i've made it my duty as a partner to make sure she always does and lately i've been giving her 2 orgasms to my one, and everything seemed great. However, while the lack of sex has not been an issue, something that has always come up in our relationship is that I like to try new things, and add some excitement to the mix, she does not. She has never requested any sort of act, she doesn't watch any porn, she just doesn't seem as excited about trying anything new like i am, and this has always been an issue between us. Two days ago i discussed some things with her that i'd like to try to spice things up to which she never really gave any sort of reply or rebuttal, just kind of took what i said and we went our separate ways, which brings me to today. She is currently sleeping and i'm on baby duty and i was browsing thru her phone. This was not me snooping around in all honesty, and it wasn't anything related to cheating as that has never been an issue, but she is a part of some pregnancy forum and occasionally we read through it together and have a laugh at some of the ridiculous stories, so i was browsing through it looking for some. I then found a sexual relationship forum, and there was a post near the top and it was from her. The basic gist of it was that when i told her about this stuff i wanted to try her initial response was to eyeroll and ask why (which she didn't) and that we have sex 4 times a day and in her words she "could take it or leave it at this point" and that "she just does it to keep me happy". While this might seem like a nice gesture to "keep me happy" this has me totally and utterly destroyed because i truly thought i was making her happy and that she enjoyed it as much as me, and now i feel like its all been a lie and I'll never really know now if she's enjoying it or just pretending and its got me a mess. How can i possibly approach this situation?
Are you sure you weren't being nosy while you were browsing through her phone? I really hate that shit- my wife and I never do that to each other. We mind each other's privacy. If you approach her with this, you will have more drama to deal with than it's worth,because now there's a breach of trust. She's venting, tired just like you are from the strain the kids are putting on the relationship, and she needs to be able to have some outlet. About 5 years ago, one of my good buddies told me something my wife had said to his wife (he overheard), and she basically wasnt happy, because she was going through an adjustment phase from being single and independent to being married. She was bored and missed having her own job, her own money, and not used to staying home being a housewife. I never talked to her about it because I felt that she needs friends she can trust and vent to, and even though she's my wife, it really wasn't for me to hear the conversation. I focused my energy on spicing things up between us the best I can, and it worked. My advice, Ignore what she posted on whatever forum, figure out ways to spend quality time with here (I know it's extremely hard with a 1 years old and the other kids), but there's always a workaround it, and start focusing on what makes YOU feel good. She said at this point she'll take it or leave it, so....get her to "take it" more. Try not to look for shit on her phone and focus on having meaningful communication with her, she needs more attention.
I think your doing exactly what she did, but worse! Look at the type of forum your posting on..why here? I think your talking bullshit tbh.. a sexual relationship forum attached to a pregnancy forum? Lol So you told the world... Great!
Thank you, I appreciate your honest response. I can tell you with 100% honesty i was not being nosy, we have never in our 17 years had any reason to be, especially now when everything revolves around our 1 year old, there was never a question about infidelity or anything. This is not the first time i browsed through these forums from her phone, its an app called "what to expect" where she was keeping track of the baby stuff, but they have a relationship forum as well as a sex forum and she had posted in the sex forum. I really want to let it go and not think too much into it because i understand that she was venting and i dont' want to take that away from her, but i'm having a VERY difficult time letting go and trying not to feel like the past few years that i thought our sex life was great, was a huge lie and she could have done without it, or that she only does it to pretty much shut me up, which again makes me feel like absolute shit. After i made this post this morning, she woke up and we watched some tv together and then she knew something was on my mind, but assumed i was angry about NOT having sex or something and tried initiating something and I just couldn't handle it and had to just get in the car and leave, because it just felt too fake or forced now. I'm really not sure how to get past this mentally, i'm having a really hard time. But thank you for your comment Eric, i will try what you suggested as hard as it is. @morrow I'm sorry you feel like my story is bullshit.. i'm not exactly sure what i have to gain by making up this bullshit story, but thanks for your well thought out response. @Hugs & Spit I'm going to try that as well, i just really have to try to move past this mental idea that its all fake now. If i do something that makes her excited, how will i know its genuine, its driving me nuts.
ok dude...i will be less delicate with you than the ladies above me...whom i respect and admire greatly i might add....this post isn't to say those gals are wrong...just a harsher look is all totally and utterly destroyed you?....come on man give me a fucking break.....the death of a child destroys you....finding out your wife has cancer will destroy you....reading a post on the internet doesn't destroy you unless she posted how she sucks off guys at work....so lighten up with the blame here....which is on you btw 4 times a week after 3 kids ?....your ol lady deserves a fuckin' medal...that is way high an average compared to most dudes who see sex a few times a year after that third watermelon squirts out that cha cha fake?....she didn't say she was faking anything....that is your word in your mind because you snooped.....we all know how a forum and a phone works....you fucking snooped ....it doesn't matter the circumstances or the trust or if its the first time.....you fuckin snooped and got what you deserve ease up on the sex brother....it will come back after she is a little happier with her demanding husband who wants to add weird stuff into their already tiresome lovemaking but good luck
suck your cock? why?...because your wife wont? that's a weird thing to say...we have a gay forum where there is tons of dudes willing to blow you..its not my thing really... wow...one post and buddy throws in the towel and pulls out the anti homosexual rhetoric......kinda feel sorry for wifey now
What would make you think what i said was anti homosexual? Because i told you to suck my cock, that would make me pro homosexual wouldn't it? You don't need to feel sorry for anything except yourself because you are a fail troll and will always be a fail troll. You like to think you are shitting on other peoples lives when in reality you are the piece of shit. I know your type, you are common on the internet. I came here for some advice, not some bullshit from 2 losers who have nothing better going on in their shitty lives.
ok snoopy....sorry to infer that you aren't perfect when you want friendly advice you ask a friend....not the iternet
I am curious what the OP has done to make his wife feel sexy. Being a wife, a mother, a career woman--whatever--are all different than being a sexual creature. You can't just go, "the kids are bed; bend over!" She needs romance, she needs to feel beautiful and sexy. Are you doing anything to encourage that facet of her? If not...suck my cock. And nut sack...
Joe, a lot of women offer sex because the men in their lives want it. Even I, a sexually driven woman (or at least I was, lol) have done that. I don’t see anything wrong in it. I would, however, even today, be very hurt if my hub stopped wanting me. I’d suggest you tell her that having her as a lover is important to her. Then ask what she thinks. You don’t need to say you’ve read anything.
Well the OP probably won't return now since he couldn't take criticism and in the end got all pissy and troll-like. That kind of short-tempered nature and the unwillingness to let go, obsessive tendencies, fixation toward spicing up sex life, as well as his one-way outlook on marital sex(yeah, he said he put a lot of effort into making his wife orgasm, but she didn't even want sex in the first place), not to mention the youngest kid being only one year old, have all contributed to the wife's growing reluctance to be romantically/erotically intimate. Because, really, her libido is just not quite fully there yet! I'm a guy, and when I'm super tired and/or stressed out, sex is the last thing I want. The difference is that I'd communicate with my partner about how I was feeling. If there's one thing the OP's wife is NOT doing, that's being clear in terms of what she wants and what she doesn't want. What's worse, she's avoiding confrontation by trying to let him have his way, such as agreeing to have sex four times a week when she didn't necessarily want that in the first place, and offering blowjob when she thought the OP was being pissy due to lack of sex. Which further suggests this guy just might be a whiny, feisty, and yappy, passive-aggressive little baby that only justifies his actions saying he really cares about his partner's happiness and he always tries to make sure she orgasms, blah blah blah. Had he never resorted to verbally insulting in an immature manner when Morrow and Rolling told him what he needed to hear, I might have had more respect for the guy. But that's not the case here. As far as I'm concerned this couple doesn't know how to communicate, even after seventeen years of marriage and three kids together.
She could be saying it for any reason. Who knows what her online persona is. Who she is or is not trying to impress and what her intentions deeply are.
This is my first post so their may be a few mistakes in name, Avatar, etc., but felt strongly enough about the OP I had to jump in. You really need to count your blessings. 99% of the world would love to be in your shoes. Take a sheet of paper and divide it down the middle. One side represents the good things in my life, especially my wife. The other and list the not so good. Work on that list a few days, then put it away for a week or so, maybe a month. Do not add to it later just let that list be the complete version. Don't dwell on it, just let it go for that period of time. Then read it.
