Okay, now I'll be honest with the people here, I'm a hetero man. Please don't judge me, but there is a reason I've come to this specific forum. My girlfriend who I love, had a fling with a girl she knew. Now she had no idea that this girl had any feelings like that, and my girl had no idea she was anything but straight. Since then they've broken it off and stuff, and I don't think she's had any more thoughts. Her family didn't know, and her sister found out, and told her family. I guess her aunt told her "she was disappointed". A lot of her other family wont talk to her. I want to help her so badly, but I feel like I can't. I came "out of the closet" to my parents about something awhile ago, but if they would've rejected me, I foresee I might have just thought "I don't care what they think", but that advice doesn't seem adequate. I don't know what else to do, and some help would be so appreciated.
First of all I'm very impressed that you are taking it so lightly. Meaning she had a fling behind your back and you didn't become upset over it but instead you are supporting her which is very... I don't know I'd like to say foolish and cool at the same time because of her strenuous relationship with her family. I don't know what kind of relationship or boundaries you guys have agreed on but if I were you I would definitely sit her down and talk about this "fling". I was in a similar situation a while back. I think it's very important that you find out if this was a one time only thing or if she's confused about her feelings towards you. Right now though I'm glad to hear you are sticking by her side and supporting her through this family mess. But she has created this situation on her own and you are also a victim here so don't forget that. It's difficult dealing with a family that is non-supporting but I'm curious.. Is her family angry because she practically cheated on you behind your back or because it was with a girl? Because if the reason is that it was "a gay thing to do" then that's very weird and I don't really know what to say about that. It's never easy to come out and I haven't experienced any hardships so I'm not really sure what to say except that you should always value yourself and be who you are despite what anyone else might think. If they are angry because she disrespected your relationship however and had a fling with someone who happened to be a girl then I can see why her family is upset actually. Reading over what I've written so far and I'm sorry I can't give you a blunt piece of advice! It's a tricky situation.
Male perception of sex is largely phallocentric. This goes on to say that a male is not likely to feel cheated if his GF had sex with another woman. As long as there is no penis (ie no other male ) in play, there is no sex. Hence, there is really no cheating. Some of this perception may be rooted in evolution. Lesbian sex will never produce any offspring, and a male sees no reason to be concerned that he would be toiling to raise some other male's offspring. Much of the aforementioned attitude is culturally conditioned, too. Relatively few males see lesbian sex as being an alternative to heterosexual intercourse. Men talk about the two females "rubbing themselves around". In their minds this is more or less 'assisted masturbation" and not a real sex. --- There is practically nothing anyone can do to help a supposedly grown up woman who is in distress because her aunt told her that "she was disappointed" about something that was absolutely none of her aunt's business to worry about. Sadly, it is as simple as that. Whom I have sex with is purely a matter between that person and me, within the limits of the existing and applicable laws. The notion that anyone, let alone an aunt would assume the right to comment on it is simply infantile. KD
i've always agreed with you on this matter, and i couldn't have put it better. ''infantile'' is the exact word to use in this case. i fail to understand why people accept 3rd parties concerning themselves with their sex life as legitimate. it's puerile. it's your sex life, and it doesn't concern anyone except you and your partners. that's it.
