Need Help With Telling My Parents

Due to the family I was raised in, I have never been able to embrace my bisexuality. My mother is incredibly homophobic and in general is a very aggressive person when she does not like something. My father on the other hand is accepting and would support me. However, he is completely controlled by my mother so I cannot tell him, for fear of my mother finding out. My mother is a very controlling woman and is always digging into my business, so I can't start being open, even among the people at my school. I am currently dependent on them I'm nervous about my mother overreacting and throwing me out on my own. I would like for my parents to know, but I'm unsure about how to go about it. I was hoping to tell them on Thanksgiving, in the hopes that the holiday happiness will help to make the reveal a little easier on my mother. Any advice or opinions would be very much appreciated.

 

If you think your mother is going to kick you out because of it, then you are probably right. If there is any doubt there is no doubt as the saying goes.

From what I've seen, and I have seen it many a times, you are better off just waiting till you can get out on your own, or at least know you have someone else you can depend on, another relative or friend. Or get yourself into a position where you will be ok if you do get kicked out, some money or a job behind you

But if you dont have any of that and its likely you may end up on the streets for something she's just going to try to deny anyway. Then my advice is wait

 

Why come out? Ever?

 

Unloading it all on Thanksgiving may just have your mother flip a lid. I would tell your dad in private, especially if you are going off for college soon. Wait till you won't have to be as dependent on the crazy mom.

 

Thanks you guys. I really am grateful for the advice.

 

Despite the popular opinion that parents, family members, friends, and possibly many others ARE entitled to know about your intimate and private life, the truth is that your sexuality IS your business only.

VG is very right in saying that you should not be taking any risk over such an issue.

It is a fact of life that you still depend on your parents for living. You live under their roof, and you must accept their rules.

When you come to think about it, the benefits of coming out are actually rather limited. You'll still have to look for your partners yourself. Your sexual life won't get any better if you start sharing the details thereof with any number of other people.

It is also really foolish to believe that other people may really be interested in your sexual orientation, simply because they demand to know. They are hunting for the juicy bits that would put them in a spotlight for several minutes as one of the "guys in the know". As soon as the next bit of gossip comes along, the other guys will be taking the spotlight, too. And the carousel just keeps on turning.

Last but not least, the concept of coming out at all cost (or at the very high risk for the person involved) is based upon a false and very narcissistic sense of self-importance. It would be a good idea to ask yourself, why would other people want to know about your sexual proclivities? What's in it for them, save for a cheap thrill?

KD

 

thats bullshit, the reason for coming out is not to tell people so they see you fucking with a guy as opposed to a girl, its about comfort.
coming out is a very special experience, people do it because they don't want to hide anymore. theres only things to be learned from after coming out, trying to keep up a facade is not healthy psychologically at all, it takes a huge mental load off your mind once you come out, so i find it important.

the concern that your friends will talk about you is so bullshit too, who gives a funk? its a retarded thing to be concerned about. of course gossip will go around, but once the ripples stop, thats when the comfort sets in and makes a big difference.

VanillaGorilla's advice is important, you shouldn't risk your current living situation, considering you're 18, you're very close to being able to come out though, i think the key for you would be to get a job, maybe go to school and make your parents proud first.
(if you do that, dont wait too long in school because then you'll not want to come out because you dont want your school cut off)

do not come out on thanksgiving. bad idea haha

and whats wrong with coming out to your friends? if you care enough, just tell them that your parents can't find out at all yet. you'll get a lil practice with coming out, and you'll start feeling the relief.

 

as long as you are dependent on them for a place to live and food, don't tell them. get yourself some kind of a job and start putting together some money. being able to live openly and express who you really are, without having to hide is a great thing, but it's worth nothing if you have to do it in a paper box on the street corner.

gain your independence, move out of your parents' house, and then you can do whatever you want without drastic consequences.

 

I hope you got the message from several experienced guys here....lay low, keep quiet. You may have some happy notion that everyone will say " Well great Son, we love you regardless"...Don't bet the roof over your bed on that happening. You've got a great, sweet smile by the way, I wish you all the best

 

Thank you all. I'm glad I have a place to ask these things.

 

Can't agree more with this. If you are gay, but do not come out, you are basically staying in the closet. Most gay people who do not come out are automatically presumed to be straight, and some gay people in this situation feel immense pressure to live a lie in order to keep that pretence up. And living a lie, especially for a long period of time can do a person a great deal of psychological damage.

It is unfortunate, but in most instances, the only way a gay person can avoid being presumed as straight, is to come out.

I agree with everything else you said too advice wise.