NEED HELP and ADVICE please!!!

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by mydramaescape, May 28, 2006.

  1. mydramaescape

    mydramaescape Banned

    OK I had a one year relationship with a guy who lives across the country from me. It was very rocky because we both fucked up A LOT. He was going to move to be near me but got offered a job he could not pass up on the east coast. I think the only reason the relationship was hard is because of the distance and me being a lot younger and insecure about it. He had a developed career at the time, I didn't (but do now) etc etc.

    Things ended in a really ugly way because of him accepting the job and my unwillingness to move. but recently we have began talking again and we obviously are still in love with one another.

    I flat out asked him to move here and he said no he would NEVER move here and that I should move there. I cannot move there because I have a kick ass career, all my family is out here, I have crazy bills etc. He has no ties to where he is right now except for a job that he hates yet said 'I have just as many reasons for not moving there as you have for not moving here'. IMO that is bullshit. I am from the school of if a guy loves you he will do anything to be with you, please you etc so he obviously does not love me;right?
    Should I move on and let go? I do love him a lot but I really cannot let anyone take advantage of me or my feelings and if he is unwilling to move and I cannot move then what is the point of continuing talking to him? Do you agree or am I being irrational? Do I need to just take a leap and move on and find somone new?
    I think he is perfect for me and could give me everything I have always wanted but if he's never going to be willing to be here to give it to me what is the point of putting myself through further agony?
     
  2. Quality

    Quality Banned

    all guys will hurt you. lesbianism is the only surefire way to go.
     
  3. RetroGroove_Grrl

    RetroGroove_Grrl I'm a big girl now

    sounds like hes not and he wont.

    And it sounds to me like neither of you are willing to compromise. Obviously its unfiar of either of you to demand the other to move away from their home. The only option I see is if you bot up and move somewhere totally new and start afresh
     
  4. mydramaescape

    mydramaescape Banned

    thank you. you are right if he wanted me bad enough he would be here right now or making plans to be here and would not be across the country. I know what I need to do. thank you for affirming it. If more people could tell me the same to make my decision easier and allow me to feel supprted in it I would really appreciatte it.

    He does not want to move anywhere else right now won't even conder it...so why am I considering him?
    I deserve somone who would walk a million miles for me and I am going to go and find that man.
     
  5. andcrs2

    andcrs2 Senior Member

    Suppose I'm just Old Fashioned believing
    Love is a two way street complete w/compromises
    .

    Good Luck w/your Quest.

    Sincerely,
    A
     
  6. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    :) I completley agree
     
  7. RetroGroove_Grrl

    RetroGroove_Grrl I'm a big girl now

    Thats not what I meant at all, the same could be said for you. If you loved him, wouldnt you be over there? What I meant was hes obviously not going to fuffil your needs, not necessarily through fault of his own but through your incompatibility.

    If youre coming here to get answers from a bunch of "yes' men and women, you have come to the wrong place.

    Relationships rely heavily on compromise, and neither of you have that. Not just him
     
  8. MikeE

    MikeE Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    You also deserve someone for whom you would walk a million miles.
     
  9. andytangzx

    andytangzx Member

    finds that fair broblem, find the new place, neither your nor his, that is compromise, talks that with him
     
  10. mydramaescape

    mydramaescape Banned

    He is a good guy, just stubborn and blinded at times and has a tendencey to think I am going to be here whenever he feels like coming around, which is entireley untrue.

    The thing is I have my whole family here, my job that I love and get pais well to do, my freelance work that I get paid 250/hr for. My community knows me. I am in the process of getting my supporters so I can run for school board. He has a job he hates, just moved to where he lives less than a year ago, has no family there and he actually likes the state I live in and said it had some of the most beautiful places he has ever seen. There is no way I can leave. He can easily leave. He is looking to get his masters but is only looking at a school where he currently lives, if he loved me wouldn't he be looking at schools here? It makes no sense. He send me notes saying that he sees families with kids that make him hope that is he and I one day. I would be willing to make him happy and give him the family and support he never had but I can't do that if he's not willing to show some effort rather than just interest in sex and my looks and nothing else. I am really sick of guys only caring about that I want a strong man who loves me as a whole and who I feel safe with and I can do antything for because I know they will do anything for me

     
  11. Gypsy_girl

    Gypsy_girl Member

    Well I see why you don't want to leave but also agree with Lynsey and others who said that compromise is a two-way street and think you could also look for similar jobs somewhere else and you could both move, perhaps, and you could still do freelance work there.
     
  12. TheMechanic

    TheMechanic The chicken LUVER!

    :rolleyes: first this whole thing, including your initial post is crazy talk, you say he wont consider moving anywhere, but you said yourself you shouldnt have to move, so which is it? did you or didnt you offer to move somewhere else besides where you are?

    Im sorry but it seems to me: you are full of shit, if you already made your decsions then make it... and dont make threads where you want people to agree with YOUR opinion...

    I was in the same situation over one year ago... she would not move so I called it off... its simple you choose what you want in life, if you don't get what you consider a fair comprimise ...then move on.

    DO NOT confuse that with that being bullshit on HIS part, YOU are being just as selfish, I dont care if all your family and al your friends are there, no where did you say you were seriously considering moving somewhere, where neither of you are at the moment.

    THEN it would take both of you to move, an equal sacrifice on both sides...

    Re-read all of your post, then decide... I went through this exact thing, the difference is I ended it because she would not move to a nuetral place with me.
     
  13. TheMechanic

    TheMechanic The chicken LUVER!

    EXACTLY... I dont know how I missed this post
     
  14. TheMechanic

    TheMechanic The chicken LUVER!

    Another B.S. post.. why should he do everything you want, damn you ARE irrational...

    You are also not telling us the whole truth.. either that work is not constant, or you only get it by contract, neither of which are guaranteed, because otherwise your ass wouldnt have unpaid bills... do the math at that rate you would make over 1/2 MILIION a year and you already said you have a ton of bills, well which is it? You make $250/hr or you got alot of bills, because if you made the 250/hr all the damn time it wouldnt matter what you had, you could pay it off LOOONG beofre you moved anywhere....
     
  15. mydramaescape

    mydramaescape Banned

    I am a contract speaker...few hours a month at the most. I also have another full-time job so essentially I do make more than him however where I live has a much higher cost of living. I do not make 6 figures and doubt I will this year no matter how many conferences I am invited to but I am guessing I will be pretty close this year.

    Unpaid bills...no matter how much you make you can always over spend. You are naive if you think that there is a set 'livable' amount if you are bad with money, which I am. I always thought that if I make what I do now I would have all of these things I want and no bills when in fact I have less availible income. I don't understand it. I don't think I spend in excess to such a degree where I always have debt...something to work on I guess.
    Anyway it does not matter it is over between he and I. He cannot compromise. I applied for a job near him and did not get it and still no compromise or empathy on his part. I aksed him if I need to let go of him and he could not give me an answer. IMO that is so cruel so I need to get over things and move on with my life. I can't waste anymore time on someone who a-isn't a healthy person, b-doesn't realize my worth as a human being, c- is so driven by what his parents think of him that he will forver be a child and d-is incapable of showing love unless you play hard to get with him. I am done with the games...time for me to turn the page. thank you for all of your suggestions though. the time you took to reply is really appreciatted.
     

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