Need Dating Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by crispy91, Apr 29, 2013.

  1. crispy91

    crispy91 Member

    Ok, I'm a little embarrassed to post this, and honestly, I'm not even sure if this is the right forum, but here goes:

    I have to be oddest person I know. I am a 22 man and I've never had a relationship. As in, ever. In fact, I don't even think I've come close to having a relationship.

    I've always had a lot going on in my life. I've been military, a firefighter, done a lot of volunteer work, and I now work for a large 911 company as an EMT. I've had plenty of opportunity to meet women, but every time I gather the courage to talk to one, she quickly becomes uninterested and finds a reason to end our conversation. And it's usually a regular, friendly conversation. Rarely, if I get the chance to ask for her number, she shifts uncomfortably and usually gives an awkward "No". I think I've literally gotten 2 or 3 numbers in my entire lifetime.

    I've gotten to the point of all but giving up. I mean, I have a "buddy" who constantly calls himself my "wingman" but ends up getting all the attention all night. He has horrible anger problems, is vulgar and disgusting, borderline alcoholic, quickly approaching overweight, ave works a part time job at Kroger. And I'm always the third wheel. I mean, I must be really bad if I have to tag along with that guy.

    I'm not sure what there is I can do anymore. I have tried everything. I have severely lowered my standards, changed my approach, changed the way I dress, changed my outlook, everything. I'm not sure what there is to do anymore. Anyone have any advice?
     
  2. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

    my first advice is hang in there

    secondly...no girlfriend all your life must mean you have some money?

    if i was in your shoes i would go out and by me a chick magnet car.........it cant hurt....or get your motorcycle license and buy a big ol harley davidson

    some call it shallow but who gives a shit what others think...

    it will open doors that other wise will stay closed


    lastly....if there is seemingly no reason these girls wont give up their numbers then it could be something like bad breath......poor grooming habits or hygeine...

    check all of them and then go out and buya car
     
  3. Mr.Writer

    Mr.Writer Senior Member

    What you really want is a woman, not a number. Don't sweat them not giving you their number. Skip that and go straight to asking them out to dinner, asking if they want to grab a drink friday night, etc. Let them offer you their number, that is just a contact detail, guys get hung up on that all the time as though a womans phone number is her secret "fuck me code". It's not. Are you asking them when you're on duty? Is the context of your asking awkward? Are you limiting yourself to just the women you happen to bump into during your physical meanderings? With your awesome wingman? lol. Consider joining a free dating website, I bet you'd get lots of good looking women in your area eager to take a EMT/firefighter/military man out to dinner. Clearly your strategy isn't working so switch it up.
     
  4. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    First thing! Do not change. You have to present yourself genuinely because ultimately that is what will come out, and all the sudden she doesn't know you at all. Of course that doesn't mean that you close yourself off to growing, maturing, and developing, but in a sincere way.

    Maybe instead of asking for a number, suggest instead you two get together for something specific. Like a concert, coffee, hike, bikeride, local festival, gallery, or etc. Having a common interest is the best ice breaker.
     
  5. rollingalong

    rollingalong Banned

    i disagree...i think a corvette breaks the ice faster and better than ''genuine feelings'' lol


    he's a single emt former fireman?....dude should be in a lexus

    he can be genuine behind the wheel of a 75.000 dollar sports car with way more confidence
     
  6. calgirl

    calgirl Senior Member

    Firemen make shit money. EMTs too. No sport car in the picture, especially at 22. I will admit though, it's hot. But so is a man on horseback.
     
  7. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear voice of sexy

    that's true if he's going directly for a relationship. but, it might not hurt to act like a douche long enough to get laid a few times and build some confidence.
     
  8. monkjr

    monkjr Senior Member

    Be himself, but he should I think work on the inner panicky feelings.

    It sounds like he has a hard time holding a conversation with a girl, and so when he flirts or attempts too it comes off as awkward, uneasy, and lacking the chemistry lots of women are looking for in that initial encounter where asking for their number takes place.

    If you want a relationship, I think the best way is to just increase your social network, and give out signals that you're single like with eye contact (don't stare) and then approach. Approaching girl's should be fun, not stressful, if you're stressing about it I think it works against you're success rate.

    When it comes to which girls you pursue look at things besides physical beauty like how well they hold a conversation with people in general, what their interests are, and if you feel the conversation is being reciprocated and it's beyond her just being polite, and her body language is framed toward you, and she is holding eye contact then perhaps THEN it's a good time to ask for email, facebook, and phone number.

    As for cars, go for Tesla, there more of an up and coming status symbol among the younger generations. But get a kickass car because you want it, not for any girl chasing purposes.

    ---
    Also I don't know about anybody else here but I've found it doesn't hurt to ask a girl that JUST rejected you seconds ago, for advice on how to improve your approach with girls. Like ask her after she rejects you, "I'm sorry was that too forward? I'm new to this dating thing".

    Also OBSERVE your wingman, and look for reasons WHY he's attracting all the attention when you're with him. It might be looks related, but it also might be charisma related. Is he more relaxed in the social environment than you were?

    Do you come off as judgemental in social settings towards people in general guys or girls? If you do, girls might pick up on this and have trouble being chill around you.

    Also keep in mind that while sometimes comments that seem vulgar and put downs, are actually positive flirtation because their done in a situational context that makes gesture or comment sarcastic > therefore funny > and therefore not a genuine insult usually because there is a lot of room for interpretation and back-tracking.

    Hope my advice helps, and remember stay true to yourself, these aren't big changes. Just a new perspective at looking things.
     
  9. Mike Suicide

    Mike Suicide Sweet and Tender Hooligan

    ^This. Take a look at yourself and make some changes. Look at your friend, see what he's doing right and you're doing wrong. Toot it and boot it.
     
  10. lily flower

    lily flower Guest

    Be yourself.... your genuine self will be more likely to attract someone that 'fits' you :)

    I am 22 and have had a couple relationships but not very many. The man I am with now I am absolutely crazy about... it all began when we were in a college class together and after class we were walking to our vehicles and talking then all of a sudden I blurted out, wanna go for some ice cream. For years after that our relationship was on and off and we both had a lot of growing up to do but now, after lots of maturing, learning and growing we have FINALLY reached the point of a committed relationship and things could not be any better.... we just do whatever we can to make the other person's life easier and less stressful... it's working really well now and all it took was an ice cream cone to get things started :)
     

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