Ok, this is so very complicated for me. I am engaged to this guy. He is the most wonderful man I have ever met. We've been together for 6 and a half months. My Mom hates him with a passion. She is always telling me to leave him because of his background, that I can find someone alot better. But, honest to god I love him with everything I've got. Well, he went out of town to visit his mom and family, it's a few hours drive. I didn't hear from him in a few days. So, I finally called his mom's house, only to find out from his lil brother that he went to CALIFORNIA! WTF! So...here I am waiting for him, wondering what should I do? Should I leave this guy, or stick with him? I know that he knows my phone number and can call and tell me whats going on. He doesn't. The other night I made my mind up to leave him. Then tonight I got a message on my voice-mail from him. Saying that he was out of town for a few days (more like a week) and that I need to stop by his house, he loves me and bye. Now I am starting to think twice about my decision. I mean, does he just not understand how worried I was about him, he didn't call me or let me know anything. He just up and left. So, I'm asking for some advice here. In your opinion...what would you do? My brother told me to just let it slide this once, see what happens. If he makes another mistake then blow up. Tell him that it hurts me and bring this situation up, kinda throw it in his face. But, I'm not so sure that is the best way to go.
I would take the relationship back a step. If you're willing to forgive him, ok. It was a pretty radical move on his part. It's very strange and I would have trouble trusting someone who just leaves like that. But if you're willing to give him a chance, I wouldn't see too much harm in it. I certainly wouldn't be planning to marry this guy though.
Hmmmm, I would ask him about it when he got back. Because if you are going to get married, you should be able to share everything about everything in your lives. Tell him that that is important to you. That's what being soulmates is about. Maybe he went there to take care of some family stuff he doesn't feel comfortable sharing yet? Would his mom know?
I definately wouldn't let it slide. That'll just send him the message that he can do stuff like this whenever and you won't mind. I wouldn't blow up at him or accuse him of anything right off the bat though. You don't know the whole story, it might be something like angelhair said, but the fact that he didn't even tell you he would be going somewhere when you were expecting him home is still rude. I wouldn't make up my mind on whether to leave him or not just yet. When you see him next express your concern and give him a chance to explain himself, and then decide what to do.
Well, the trip to California was a spur of the moment decision. But he did go to his Mom's, I made sure of that. See, I had thought at first that he lied to me and just went to Cali., but I soon found out otherwise. I haven't fully made a decision, and I dont know if I soon will. But, I know that when I see him I am going to fall desperatly back in love with him, all over again. I'm scared for that to happen. When I see him, I've decided to be calm, and just get him alone and tell him just how he made me feel. About the blowing up thing...I will try not to, but if his reaction is at all like I think it will be...I dont know if I will be able to keep control over me blowing up. Well, I appreciate all your responses, different opinions help me look at what is outside of the box, thank you all.
if i were you, i would maybe think about taking the relationship back a step...maybe stay together but be less serious...put the engagement off til later. if he is your fiance' he should have called and told you he was leaving. to me, fiance' is just a term for a husband who isn't legally your husband, but your husband in spirit. if my husband just up and left and didn't bother to tell me, i'd be pretty pissed off and hurt. i know it's easy for love to let you forget temporarily and let it slide, but you need to assert yourself, be strong, and hold him accountable for what he did. it's certainly not cool that he made you worry about him. any future husband worth his salt wouldn't do that. i hate sounding judgmental or dogmatic, because i'm certainly not. only you know your situation intimately. we don't know all the little fine details about your relationship with this man. all i know is the man who is supposed to be your husband (even if not legally yet, being engaged is pretty much saying you are married in spirit) made a spontaneous decision to travel a very far distance and didn't bother to tell you. that's very, very disrespectful to the relationship you have together. touching on the issue of your mom telling you to leave him...i know how mothers can be, especially when you're young and so serious with someone. i was in a similar boat when i was your age...although i wasn't engaged to the guy, i was pretty serious with my first love at around that age, and my mom just simply didn't approve. i think it had less to do with the boy and more to do with my being young and her not wanting to "lose" her "little girl." she kept saying things like i could do better and asking me why i was so hell bent on being in such a serious relationship when i should be carefree and just hanging out with my friends...it's hard when you've got a mom who doesn't approve of your relationship, for one reason or another. but no matter what direction you choose to take with your current relationship, you need to let your mom know it's not because of her; it was your decision as an adult person and her disapproval had nothing to do with it. it might be easy for her to say, "hey i told you so." ask her to respect your feelings and not "rub it in" - that her dislike of him had nothing to do with your decision. so, in conclusion, it really is just up to you now. it's so hard when you love someone to be firm and put your foot down, but you must do it if you're to have any respect. for a person to wholly love you, they must also respect you. if you choose to stay with your boy, let him know that this kind of thing was completely unnacceptable and you will absolutely not let it ride in the future. forgiveness is a beautiful thing, but you must forgive him without being a doormat. if you DO choose to leave him, know that you are a beautiful person who is worthy of love and respect, and you will get it. you are a gorgeous girl, and you seem like a very sweet person no matter what you choose, good luck and love always!
im a mum of 7 so i know what your mum must be feeling right now.My eldest daughter23 left home to live with a man of 36 on her 18th birthday ,she also took on his 2 kids .Idident approve but they are still together and its cool.but i wouldent advise her to marry him and i would say the same to you ...whats the rush your a very beautiful 17 yr old young woman and you have so much life to experience before you enter into marriage ....some of your life experiences might be with this man but you dont need to fully commit at this stage.just go with it and see were it goes who knows he may be the one but he may not .....when you find the right guy for you you wont need to post on a thread you will know in your heart .good luck with it babe pm me if you need any more advice
I wouldn't let it slide because that means you are allowing room for other small mistakes.... and he will know this.
