Need advice on having sex while terrified + homeless

Alright, I'll try to keep this as brief as possible since I've posted on here before and didn't receive any helpful advice (I really just want an unbiased individual to tell me to take a breath and not worry since that's not my strong suit-I'm a chronic worrier.) Now long story short, I am a very non sexual person, I've never had an interest in the physical side of sex, only the emotional and I was raped by two different pepole when I was a teen, so I've had an intense and prolonging fear of sex for the past four years. (And yes, logically I know it's irrational, who the hell is afraid of sex, but I can't shake the fear) Unfortunately my husband is a Scorpio (a.k.a a highly lustful being) and he has also experienced sexual trauma, so I feel very bad about holding out on him. We are newly married and our relationship has survived a 300 mile distance, mutual abuse from relatives and now living in a tent in a friend's backyard. I trust him with my life, but when he came to me last night saying he wants to be intimate tonight (our last sexual engagement beyond oral was almost 2 months ago,) I had a breakdown. This is not something new for him, but I'm sick and tired of living in fear all the time. I want to and should be able to enjoy making love to my husband, but it's not just a psychological issue, it's our living situation (our tent is busted and the best we can do for atmosphere is light a candle and play some music-that is after we wait for everyone in the household and the neghbors to go to bed so no one notices me wearing lingerie in the backyard) and I have a doctor confirmed vaginal disorder that makes sex nearly impossible (extreme sensitivity that easily causes tearing, burning and infections. I can only use olive oil as lube and even still, it burns internally after about 15 minutes and we have to stop and my husband's size doesn't help any) If anyone can offer any advice, that would be really great. I really want tonight to be special because this may be our last opportunity for a while.

 

This may sound wrong but if vaginal sex is a problem there are other ways to be intimate

 

take a breath and don't worry

 

Yeah, people born between October 23rd and November 21st are shifty, dump him!

 

my advice is stop living in a fantasy world and fix your life before you start worrying about fixing your twat

you are newlywed married, living in a tent and havnt had sex in 2 months....your relationship hasnt ''endured'' its all but toast at this point

''I trust him with my life''.....guess what?....he has let you down....go to a women's shelter and get your shit together


lastly....9 out of 10 people think you are nuts the second you say believe in astrology

 

Wow. Okay. A few different issues here.

One, I agree with rollingalong. Of all the problems you're facing, I'd say your sex life is your least important. I'd say step one is to be in an actual bedroom--or at least a studio apartment with a bed. If you're tentative about sex already, trying to jump start your sex life while living in a tent in someone's backyard isn't going to do you any favors.

Second, you both may need counseling. If you're both victims of sexual abuse/trauma, then you're both going to have psychological issues that will need to be dealt with. Plus, you may need sex therapy for couples in addition. I don't know. But it's something to think about.

Third, as Jon pointed out, penis in vagina is not the only way to have sex. It's often difficult for heterosexual couples to recognize and embrace this, but the fact is intimacy and pleasure can be achieved in many different ways. Again, sex therapy could help here.

And lastly, whatever physical issue you have needs to be diagnosed and treated if there is any chance of a "normal" sex life. You didn't specify anything in regards to this disorder--what's causing it, what the treatment for it is, what your doctor has said on the subject. I hope you're not self-diagnosing.

 

Your husband needs to get a grip. You can have astral projection sex, and here he is with you and he has to perform "the act" all the time? Sometimes I just lie in bed thinking and women begin having orgasms. I don't think this is a joke. He should learn to be intimate with you on a more sensitive level. He has not fully explored his love for you and is, frankly, being a little bit of a bitch, pardon my French.

 

So they are both damaged goods for life is what you are saying. Go pay for counsellors and couples therapists rather than like paying for rent for an apartment, sounds like a good plan

Then years of counselling only to tell someone new in 10 years they were sexually abused only for that person to make the same assumption you did: they were sexually abused, thus they must have psychological issues

Uglyhusbanditis or Husbandwithlowbankbalanceitis would be my diagnosis

 

oh sweetheart, if we were getting intimate and you just lay there thinking, expecting to rock me to the core with orgasms, id kick you out.

 

haha I don't think so. *wink*

I'd be surprised if you aren't having an orgasm as you read this, but then women can be stubborn sometimes.

 

your husband is so unlucky .
only toys are real....

 

So When Does The "SPAM" Begin....???



Cheers Glen.

 

why you thought like that ?