My wife seem to have this very possessive property to her. Anything that we have should never be loaned out . . . . unless she loans it. She has 2 sons from her first marriage and if she lets her son's borrow anything then it's totally fine. But if I loan something to my daughter then she's angry I made a decision and didn't consult her. Case in point: We all know this summer heat is totally unbearable right now. My daughter has her own apartment with another girl and my daughter has a 17 month old daughter, our granddaughter. Well, a few days ago my daughter told me that the AC in their apartment went out and the apartment complex hadn't gotten anyone out there to fix it. A little more than a year ago when the AC went out in our house we purchased a large fan to put in our bedroom so we could sleep. Once the AC was fixed I put the fan in the back of the house in our sunroom. Now the sunroom is nothing more than a smaller room on the back of the house where our washer and dryer is located. I also use that room as my work room when I'm doing one of my wood working projects. We don't go back there and sit because it usually tends to stay warmer than the rest of the house. With the summer heat the way it was I plugged in the fan just to keep some air circulating back there. We keep the door to that part of the house closed at all times. Well, when my daughter told me the AC went out in their apt I told her if she wanted to borrow the fan she was welcomed to it. My wife sort of gave me a strange look like, "shouldn't we discuss this first?" Yesterday when my daughter came and got the grandbaby I asked her if she still wanted to use the fan at which point she said yes. So I unplugged the fan and put it in her car. After she left my wife was a little pissed that I didn't consult her first because she said we use that fan. Yes, we do . . . . in a room that stays closed up 23.5 hours a day. The only time my wife goes in the sunroom is to do laundry. That takes her all of 5 maybe 10 minutes to load the washer, pour in some detergent, and to push the start button. She doesn't go back in there for several hours when she remembers that she had started a load of laundry. Then all she's doing is moving the clothes from the washer to the dryer and pushing another button. Again, it's not like she staying back there for hours at a time in a hot room. When the clothes are done she brings them into the living room to fold them. But now she has a problem with the fact that I let my daughter use a fan since she has zero AC in their apartment but she's mad because the sunroom is warmer now. The rest of our house is very cool all day long. The sunroom stays warmer for some reason. Could be because of the washer and dryer back there. A while back my daughter needed a big pot to cook something in so I gave her the pot that "I" bought. I'm the primary cook in the house and I love making homemade chicken and dumplings a few times a year and needed a big pot so I bought one. Anything I buy is ours. Anything she buys is hers. My wife constantly asked when she was going to bring the pot back. I / we didn't need the pot because I wasn't making a big batch of anything at the time. Again, this is a pot that normally sits off to one side of the kitchen and rarely gets used because of its size. Once the pot came back my wife didn't say anything else about it until I was looking for it only to find she loaned it to her son because he wanted to boil some crab legs. My wife and I don't combine our funds but we have a joint account for bill purposes. Earlier this year I ordered our / my granddaughter a bunch of clothes and outfits for the summer. Now I didn't buy her clothes for them to stay at our house. I bought them so she could wear them. And if that means she has on one of them when my daughter comes to get her I'm totally fine with her wearing it home. No, before my daughter gets her to pick her up my wife will make a point to change her back into the outfit she originally came in. Again, anything I buy is ours but anything she buys is hers. But I honestly can't understand my wife's reaction to me loaning the fan to my daughter when we don't use it. Yeah, it's plugged up in the sunroom which stays closed up all day long but I have no problem being a little warmer for a few minutes to go get the clothes out of the dryer then closing the room back up compared to my daughter and granddaughter trying to sleep in a hot apartment. I have addressed this with my wife but she only sees it her way. I told her I didn't give her the fan, I just loaned it to her. She'll bring it back once their AC is back up and running. How selfish can one person be? My wife even made the comment, "why can't they just buy their own fan?" Next time her son needs to borrow a pot I'm going to say, "why can't he buy his own pot?" She'd rather my daughter and granddaughter sleep in a hot apartment all night so our sunroom could stay cooler for the 10 minutes or so she's getting the laundry.
Because that's what Dad does. Both my kids make way more money than I do now and I'm always buying things to fix something. (really, I'm just keeping up points for them to take care of me in my old age...)
Exactly, it's just a pedestal fan. I didn't disconnect our home AC and cart it over to their apartment. I wouldn't have even had a problem buying her a fan but the fact that all the fan is doing is circulating air in a room we rarely use is beyond me as to why my wife feels the way she does. I'll bet she'll change that tune if my daughter calls saying she had to run the baby to the hospital for heat exhaustion. She's just protective over stuff. And all it is is stuff. Stuff can be replaced. Lives can't.
Now it was totally fine when my wife had take several hours off her job because he oldest son, who doesn't have a driver's license, was caught an hour away driving his car without a license and they wouldn't let him drive off. She had to take her other son to go get him and drive his car home. Now that was totally fine, but loaning my daughter a fan because their AC is out was unacceptable because I didn't discuss it with her first.
He's lucky he didn't get arrested and impound the car. THAT was a big favor from the cop - know what it costs to bail a car out these days? Oh, and the tow jockeys don't take AAA either.... I keep a small window air conditioner for emergencies. Between friends and family, someone always has an AC crisis. Same with fan motors and capacitors.
Exactly, it was just a fan, not a whole AC unit. And my step-son keeps pressing his luck with the cops. Eventually he's gonna find himself in some serious trouble and mommy can't run to his rescue.
Half the time they let guys like this go is because it's such a pain in the ass to book them and get them in front of a magistrate at jail. Here's it's a county wide system, so anyone arrested has to go 'downtown'. My boy says it's a good hour and a half to take some punk he's probably picked up before on robbery or dealing to jail and book him. There's a special officer's playlist including some country favorites like "he's in the jailhouse now" and "will you come visit me on Sunday" and similar.....it really pisses them off....then court is usually on his day off for the DA to reduce the charges or drop the gun charge so they don't have to deal with it. And yes, they do keep track of people that they let off.
His car is legally registered so they couldn't get him on any of that but driving without a license is a minor infraction. But after a few of those where they keep letting him go eventually he's going to find that one zealous cop who isn't gonna be so nice. He'll be taken downtown and booked. The thing is this. My step-son can't get a license due to a medical condition where he has seizures. He's already had one where he was driving and luckily he pulled over when he felt it coming on. But what happens if he's going 75 or 80 mph and can't get pulled over in time?
That is a tough one. I had a friend in college like that....but eventually, he just grew out of it and the seizures just quit....along with the knuckleheaded brother in law...who owes me money....
Sounds to me that your wife is jealous of your daughter or feels threatened by her. I don't think it has anything to do with the items at all. She's trying to absorb all your attention and your daughter is in her way.
I have a problem with anyone who feels they have to compete with someone's child. If you are dating or married to someone who had children before you then you need to understand there is a hierarchy in the relationship. You may be the mate but the child will always be his / her love. There are things he/she does for the child that they may or may not do for you. And vice versa. In my situation it's not like I kiss my daughter on the cheek or forehead before she goes home and I won't even hold my wife's hand. This is a situation of the summer heat and me not wanting my daughter and granddaughter to be in a hot apartment until the maintenance people can fix their AC. If she can't understand that then she's got deeper issues.
Just curious here. Have you tried to discuss this with your wife and communicated how you feel? Whilst I am happy and daresay the others are as well of you using us as a "punch bag" to get this off your chest. It isnt going to resolve things in the long run . I really do think, and you come across as being very unhappy, you really need that chat .
Please do not take this the wrong way as it is not intended to be so. Yes, yes, YES, I have discussed this and other issues with my wife countless times. She is just refusing to see things any other way but her own. I should just always give in to her whims and wishes simply because she says so. To me, this shouldn't even need to be discussed. We have a fan in a part of our house that we rarely use or go into and I see no reason why we can't let my daughter use / borrow the fan temporarily until their AC fixed. I never said she could have the fan. She's just borrowing it. My wife is one of those who is unwilling to compromise on anything. If she sees something one way then that's how it should be. In her mind I should just leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. That's not how life should go. Sometimes you need to be taught something different or shown a better way to do something. ?No one is ever too old to learn something new or given a different way to do something. As long as I'm not ruffling any of her feathers and allowing her to do what she wants then all is good with the world. Case in point: Our driveway is wide enough for 2 cars to park side by side so that neither should have a problem getting in or out. When she comes home she won't park far enough to the side, which means, she's straddling the center line. That forces me to have to drive around her car to get in or out. When I bring this up to her the first thing out of her mouth is that I'm trying to tell her how to drive. Case in point: My wife would rather spend $3 or more for a carton of chopped onions or bell peppers than to just buy and onion or bell pepper for less than $1 and chop it herself. Which in turn we end up throwing away an almost full carton of veggies that have now gone soft because she didn't need that many in the first place. Again, now I'm telling her how to cook. And to that she'll go buy something from the store that she needs only for me to tell her we already have it in the fridge or cabinet. Why? Because she doesn't feel like she should have to move anything to see if something has gotten moved to the back. All the spices we have can't all be on the front when you open the cabinet. I'll tell her all the time. "Just take a few minutes to look and see what we have before you go to the store. Or better yet, ask me. I'll tell you if we have it and can probably tell you which side of the cabinet or what shelf in the fridge it's on." It's like dealing with a child. Anytime you ask them to do something their immediate response is "why?" This is why I post so much because these may not be divorceable offenses but sometimes I just want to get some things off my chest.
