I’ve been married to my wife for about five years now. I love everything about her. One night after copious amounts of drinks she spilled the beans and told me for a long time when she was younger she was a lesbian. In the same breath she told me she never Considered herself gay and has always been straight. Keep in mind this wasn’t just an experimentation thing. she was deep within the gay community gay bars and such. She even came out to her parents and siblings. I believe she has slept more women than I have. I said to her thats a very interesting and convenient way of thinking. I added that for example say If I robbed a store multiple times but all along I believed I’m not a criminal I guess that makes me not a criminal because I don’t believe am. I really believe she more attracted to women the men. She always emphatic about how pretty girls are when she meets them. To make it fair I revealed I had a few flings with men but I believe I’m bisexual and not lying to myself that I love to play with both sexes. Ultimately my question becomes Is it really possible that she could’ve been always straight but lick as many pussies as she could? I have a hard time wrapping my head around her view point. Would love to hear your thoughts.
i suppose it's possible. but why? pornstars do it all the time, for money and drugs. if she got nothing out of it then i don't see what could have motivated her to do it.
So yeah there are reasons to have same sex experiences like experimentation and compensation. But your wife did it because she wanted to and she liked it, the way you describe it. She did not to it to find out if she likes doing it. She hung in circles with similarly oriented people (implying similar orientation herself though not requiring it). She also came out to people as a homosexual. To me that sounds solidly homosexual. Yet she admits to being nothing but heterosexual during that time. I know labels are relative and some people don't like to use labels but this is a matter of definitions. She describes something and says it is not so, much like your example of the robber. There's some cognitive dissonance going on with your wife. You're right to be confused. It seems she has some significant issues with accepting her sexuality. It's possible her sexuality has changed over time and she no longer feels an attraction to women. Let's say your gaydar is off and she is quick to compliment a woman's appearance because most women do that and it rarely raises an eyebrow. The fact remains she was in the past a lesbian, a gay lesbian, the only kind there is. This is fine, and you have implicitly accepted this by spilling the tea about your past, and it seems like present, bisexuality. Maybe she's concerned about the credibility of her fidelity to you to reveal any sort of desire outside of you, and categorically outside of your gender (which should be placated to some extent by admission of your sexuality). Or her internalized homophobia is causing her to contradict herself - to herself. Whatever the revelations there was alcohol involved. Under the influence she revealed something she would likely never choose to do sober, and it sounds like she's desperately trying to put the genie back into the bottle. the most you can do is be supportive and give her the space to come out to herself, but not force her to do so.
Good reply Thank you. Our marriage is good It was just hard to understand how she be so gay at one time and then just push it all away.
YEARS ago my GF was living with me. She was the hottest thing on the planet wanting sex all the time. We fantasized about MFM but afterwards she said she couldn't do it. Then we fantasized about FMF and she really got off on the idea, even though she had never been with a woman. She started hanging out with a bi female coworker more and more. They'd go out together and GF would come home in the wee hours looking disheveled. She told me her friend was interested in a FMF with us! Never happened. GF eventually moved out and moved in with her bi friend. I guess her sexuality was fluid at that point. I always felt our sex life was fantastic.........but something flipped in her head. When I was first living with my current wife, we had the usual confessions getting to know each other better. Among her confessions was that she fantasized about being with a woman. About a year later a bi acquaintance of hers called her up and asked her over.....I was on the road. She went over and they had sex for the evening. When I returned home I asked a million questions. She said it was erotic, different, pleasurable......but scratched it off of her bucket list. The other woman called a few times wanting to hook up again, but my wife refused.....said she got it out of her system. So my wife has gone from conservative, to one hot piece, to MFMs, to trying lesbian, back to conservative, and sadly now nothing. FRUSTRATING!!!!!
Maybe she's not actually confused. Maybe she's just uncomfortable (for whatever reason) with telling you that she's bisexual
Maybe she's not confused at all. It's possible, and very likely that she truly is bisexual. She could have her own reasons for not wanting to fully open up to you. Just like straight men DON'T have sex with other men, straight women DON'T have sex with other women. And just because she fell in love with, and married a man (you), that doesn't "suddenly" make her straight either. I really think she has her own personal reasons for not wanting to fully open up to you about her true sexual orientation.
My experience is that sexuality is a continuum, it evolves over time for many people, I know mine has been that kind of journey. Even if I look back over the years I once considered myself a straight man that occasionally had fascinations with mens cocks. Fast forward it has become much more than that. I consider myself a bisexual man that can enjoy both men and women.
