My summer is the perfect Springer episode

I went home for a month, and couldn't stand it because my parents tried to give me a curfew.
I moved to another state, but my job there sucked.
The guy I liked there was dating some Bratislavian dumbass who could barely speak english and walked like she had a stick up her ass.
I got chased by a moose.
I made out with my friend's boyfriend.
My then-boyfriend followed me accross states to work at the same resort I work at.
He lived with me for a week, till I made him move out because he annoyed me.
An asshole I lived with hit me and my best friend, and is going to jail for it.
My best friend is depressed and cuts herself.
My best friend let's her po-dunk ex-girlfriend whom she met online move into our house.
The girl meets all her lesiban girlfriends online..she has one in canada.
The girl has a 9th grade education and can't get a job out here, nor has ever had a job in her life.
The girl's online gf in canada slept w/ some other lesbian, whom she just found out is HIV+.
My best friend cut herself again.
I heard them fucking...they were loud...ew..
My parents just put my sister in cosmetology school.
My sister just stole my mom's check book and made one out to herself for $250 and put it in her account.
My sister had overdraft charges and a credit bill of $100....she has no job nor money.
I had to take my two new navel rings out because they got infected and I got impatient.
The guy who hit me/my best friend...his dog got hit by a car...he's ok though.
My mom called me crying because she's scared this guy will hurt us again.
I got drunk and fell asleep with a candle, woke up with dried wax all over, stuck to my bed.
My exboyfriend from the winter fucked some ugly ass girl....in my house....on my birthday...at my party...this is also the same night that guy hit me...I had a shitty birthday party.
We did have an icing fight though.
Oh, and I just found out that my friend from Maryland, got caught by her police officer father, with crystal meth and pot in her car. Smart friends I have, huh?












I can't wait for winter.

 

I thought I was livin' large when we had a party and the neighbor called the cops...