My Orgasmic Problem

Hello people...I'm a longtime hipforum lurker and I've a bit of a problem. Thanks to the anonymous nature of this place, I can actually talk about it!

Anyway, I've been having sex for about three years, and guess how many times I've cum...like, four or five times. That's it. I still enjoy sex but it's really freaking frustrating. I can't even make myself cum through masturbation. I remember the first time I came (through sex with my current boyfriend) in my head I was like "oooh! So thats why it's a big deal!" For the most part though I fake it because I don't want my boyfriend to feel bad, it's not like it's horrible sex or anything, I get all worked upand my facegets red and I sweat and it feels wonderful but I rarely ever actually orgasm. I wonder if maybe I've got some weird mental crap with it because I was sexually abused when I was younger. Lately I've become extremely fixated on this problem and expecially fixated on the idea that it might be linked to the sexual abuse in my past which is resulting in me getting physically ill when I think about sex.

Help, anyone?

 

At least you're having sex.

 

Your every day girl/women needs a very good caring partner that is both patient, educated some what, and sensitive.

And he needs to be willing to go the long haul to get that girl/women to the point of orgasm.

Most women I believe don't have an orgasm in their life, so please don't be too upset if you don't achieve it in the short term.

In my own life I can honestly say I have only ever experienced it with 4 different partners on 4 different occasions.

Of those four different occasions, only once did one of them have an intense orgasm, that was notebly different from what I have ever experienced prior to that.

So if this is the how it is out there in the real world, I would not get too upset about not achieving it in the short term.

I'm not qualified to say what I'm about to say, from what I have read about your past, and what I think what may have happened I would say you need to tell your partner at some time.

Read these articles:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyspareunia

You need a very caring, sensitive, educated partner that is both patient and loving.

If you were my partner I would cuddle you a lot and just have lots of fun over a long period of time.

If I was in your situation I would learn what they call "tantric sex" which is really more to do with the spiritual side of a relationship than the sexual side.

I think you need to heal and reprogram your mind in a positive and loving kind of way over a long period of time.

If your partner can learn what I have learnt maybe then he can get you to that place that so many fail to reach.

You can try too hard and never reach it because you're trying too hard.

Make love with your partner and never have expectations, just let it happen don't try and force it, becuase you won't be able to.

Orgasm is controlled by your mind, if you can unlock that you will have an orgasm.

I would get your partner into a non threating position when you make love.

He needs to use gentle caressing, kissing, cuddling, etc over a long period, maybe in time and talking about it and sheading a few tears will you come good.

If you fear snakes you have to hold them and come to terms with the fear, I think its all about "associations".

If you got bitten by a dog, every time you see a dog it will bring back those memories of being bitten.

So go back to another dog, but don't get bitten again.

Basically "operant conditioning" so you have to reprogram yourself.

 

See if you can get the book 'For Yourself' by Lonnie Barbach. Dr. Ruth Westheimer has recommended that book for years about how women can get in touch with themselves.

My understanding is that it is MUCH easier for women to learn how to have orgasms (yeah I said it) by masturbation then by intercourse. Once you learn how to be comfortable with the feelings you are experiencing, you will learn to disassociate your present sex life from your past.

Also, if you were abused, you should seek counseling - there are a lot of weird emotions that victims of abuse learn to feel that are absurd. PM me if you need any help working this out.

 

Necessary - Only about 25-30% of women can have an orgasm through intercourse alone, while another 25% or so can have them through intercourse accompanied by manual stimulation. Another 25 % can only achieve orgasm via mastrubation or manual stimulation, and perhaps 20% never or seldom ever have an orgasm.

So if you have had an orgasm even once through intercourse alone, you are lucky - most women never reach this level.

I have always thought that it is the process of reaching or nearing orgasm which is the best part, and not the orgasm itself, which is only a few seconds of uncontrollable spasms.

 

Hi. as said above, the majority of women need manual and vaginal stimulation. so this means he needs to play with your clitoris to begin with.

Have you ever tried using a vibrator? it used to make my ex-girlfriend frantic!! have a search for them, you dont need to get a dildo, just a vibrator, with different settings/speeds.

Then... hand it over to your boyfriend, and let him use it on your clitoris! it will drive you wild, then he can go inside you, and if you like the vibrator, he can hold it down while he goes in and out.

It made my ex frantic... breathless... shouting dont stop...and wet as hell... until SHE'd push it away cuz it was too much lol!!! i think thats an orgasm!!!

 

vibrator on her clit and me in her from behind....awesome orgasms for her. Maybe I am a 40% contributor, but I love it non-the-less. Her toys are my friends. TRY IT!

 

While you're having sex try putting a pillow underneath your rear and lay on your back the rest of you slanted..
grab another pillow to put over your face.

Trust me it works. A lot, for the man too sometimes.

 

I have 2 very distinct different types of orgasms..Vaginal/g-spot and clitoral. If during intercourse I have direct stimulation on my clit I have a combination of both..that's the kind of orgasm where you feel like you are going to pass out and afterwards you can't move..your legs are made of jello..can't pick you head up off the pillow and you have awesome after sex sleep Vaginal/g-spot is very deep..and you can have them back to back WOO HOO!! Always a huge wet spot on the bed afterwards..

 

necessary... first you need to know that it's okay not to cum from intercourse alone. i rarely do... at least not the huge "wow, that's what the big deal is." for me, i have smaller, wave-like orgasms (vaginal orgasms) and then i have clitoral orgasms. my guess is that's what you're talking about. just relax and have fun, enjoy it, since you say you do!! don't fake it... because that's just putting pressure on you to feel bad that you have to fake it, and you're not having an orgasm or whatnot.

a lot of orgasm is psychological. stop trying to make yourself orgasm, and just relax into enjoying sex. play with yourself when it feels fun, but don't try to force yourself to orgasm. that's the quickest way to make sure you don't.

and as to the sexual abuse, BIG HUGS, i'm so sorry that happened to you. just remember that it is not your fault, and it isn't a big deal that you are having these issues right now. deal with the emotional trauma, and your own feelings, and try not to put pressure on yourself. i know it's hard, but i do believe that you can and will get through this!

 

Two quick thoughts: Get your boyfriend down there to give you an orgasm with his lips and tongue. If that doesn't work, go to planned parenthood, explain the situation (complete with abuse! - yes, be honest) and they will refer you to a counselor. That works! We cannot always live life to the fullest without some help. Especially if we have been cheated, as you have been. Anonymity has its limits, but a counselor won't tell anyone, honest. Good luck, kid!!