My life changed after a bad trip

I just wanted to tell my story and see if there's anyone out there that has gone trough the same thing. I used to do a lot of drugs in my past, I smoked weed everyday from the minute I woke up till I went to bed for about a year and a half. I started taking LSD about 8 months ago, and the first few experiences were beautiful, it pretty much opened my eyes to reality, but something terrible happened. I was going to my first rave with my "friends", while we were unboxing the tent I decided to take 2 hits of some double-laced blotter sheet we had, it was some pretty strong acid. 20 minutes went by and I started to feel really weird and out of place, but I didn't give a fuck and decided to candy flip with 2 mollys, it made things even worse. I can hardly put it into words as the worst night of my life. I felt a huge disconnection between me and my friends, they knew I was having a bad trip and they left me all alone, I ended up spending the whole night having a really bad trip all by myself. My life is very different every since that single day, now I can barely trust anybody but myself, I don't like hanging out in the places I used to like, I don't like making new friends and I have a huge problem of social awkwardness. Even when I try to smoke weed and relax I get panic attacks and I can't talk, I became very shy and have only a few friends left, they don't know about the problems I'm having because the only friends I have left have never taken drugs. I'm depressed most of the time because I can't socialize like I used to before that trip, even my girlfriend gets mad at me because most of the time she just ends up going out alone with her friends because I don't like going out anymore. Is there some type of meds I can take to help simmer down the problem I'm having?. Is it ever gonna end or am I gonna be like this forever? anyone had a experience like this before? I would appreciate some help

 

Never had an experience like that before, That is pretty fucked up on your friend's part of ditching you when you were having a bad trip, pretty wreckless on your part of taking hits of molly after you were already feeling uncomfortable on the acid.

Some of this sounds pretty emo though, Be thankful and appreciative of the friends and girlfriend that you do have. You should probably consult a doctor/therapist on taking meds or counseling if you feel it's that bad.

 

I'm sorry you had the experience you had. It sounds to me like your so-called "friends" weren't really friends to begin with--and I think that's more the problem than "drugs." Depression and mistrust are really just bad trips on your own neurotransmitters. If your "friends" couldn't be supportive enough to help you through a bad time, something would have happened eventually, with or without "drugs."

I tend to think about such things much, much differently than a lot of people do, partly because of a bad trip that turned good. I was experimenting with some Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds, and I'm not sure how to even explain what happened except that I met both Fear and Joy. Fear started telling me that it had everyone I knew in its grip, that everything I did to try to help people would be misunderstood, that it wanted me to keep trying to make life better precisely because trying to help would be misunderstood and just cause more fear, that I was unwittingly just being an agent of Fear, simply by caring about people...I mean, some really, really awful, heartbreaking shit. Then, in the middle of all of this, I started feeling another whatever-it-was (voice, presence, etc.), telling me just to breathe, and the more I let that other voice in, the more I felt a growing sense of peace and euphoria. After awhile the more joyful voice told me that the reason I was experiencing this sort of ultimate, soul-crushing fear was that I had some unresolved stuff in my head. The funny thing was, I asked this voice if it was going to try to tell me it was some kind of angel or god or whatever, and it laughed and said "Now do you really think I'm going to say something like that, when I know you wouldn't buy that for a second?" The more joyful voice then said to Fear that it better not keep fucking around in my head or Joy would kick Fear's ass, and I felt a sort of huge burst of energy, like an electric shock, and it felt like a huge weight lifted from the inside. I won't say I never feel any fear after that experience--I am, after all, a human being, with a full range of emotions--but I think now I always know, somewhere in the back of my mind, that it's me who's responsible for what I allow to happen inside, and that I want my life to be about joy, not fear.

What someone does or doesn't do with one's mind/body is always an individual choice. However--and I know this is probably not a very popular opinion in this culture--even sobriety can just be another escape. Neither a substance nor abstinence will ever be a focus around which my life revolves. I also don't want to get into a mindset in which people in general are "guilty until proven innocent," because that mindset ultimately leads to "There is no innocent--You're just guilty, 'cause I said so!"

I hope at least some of this made a little bit of sense.

 

Too many drugs. Your solution is not more drugs. Your solution is to get healthy . . . stop smoking so much damn weed, stop dropping "double laced acid" (no such thing by the way) and "mollys". Get sober, exercise, eat well. You've pummeled your brain and now you are experiencing what every single human being experiences when they take too many damn drugs anxiety, depression, paranoia. Weed makes these worse. Now you've got to get on the project of making yourself healthy again, the drug phase of your youth has ended for now.

 

also you gotta actually make the effort to socialize and learn how to again. people aren't going to come rushing to you.

everyone has to deal with the [bs] of social rules and do's and don'ts,

but again, it's up to you to figure out how to make that work for you in a public setting.

If it depresses you that you can't socialize.....

 

THIS!!!!


i also had a similar experience with what i believe to not have been lsd, and to be honest it sounds like the you(the op) also DIDN'T take lsd during that bad trip, especially since you say eating molly made it worse, i have heard this before with nbomes. Also the way you described it is very similar to how i felt during my terrible experience with whatever was on the god awful tab (i have one left i am keeping to test one day, if i ate both i would have VERY easily been in the hospital) Seriously, as stupid as this might sound, if you have access to high quality, pure mdma, consider giving its incredible healing powers a chance. Recreational use is one thing, but when you're in a state like this, especially a state like this, MDMA allows you to resolve SO MANY issues its incredible. I too have separated from the small once thought to have been close group of friends i grew up with, it is heart breaking, and a hard reality to swallow, but MDMA showed me i have all the friends i could ever need already!! I am not talking about understanding this through personal interaction, this is strictly speaking from an inner self perspective, something you already knew all along but didn't realize. I am blessed to have a source for some of the purest MDMA i have ever heard of, somewhere in the 85% pure range, the rest being just fillers from synthesis. After my terrorizing experience with a compound being passed off as LSD, i really felt like i was traumatized, not in a massive way, but just not myself for even weeks after. Random flashback like waves of pure anxiety for no reason, a general feeling of being disconnected from the world. I ate roughly 350mg of some of said moon rock, laid down, put on some music, and got more accomplished that night then i would have with a million dollars worth of therapy. I had a face to face conversation with my inner self, I literally was looking and talking to myself as if i was face to face with a clone that had all the answers to all the questions in the world. I remember asking question after question and getting answer after answer. It was to this day my most powerful psychedelic experience.

 

Yeah mixing it all was silly man

Kavalactones are supposed to be very calming and may provide temporary relief. Other than that... how long has it been? Maybe time will heal some or all of it, if you let it