My insane grandparents...

When I was staying with my grandparents a few weeks ago, I got into an argument with them, and they said some horrible things to me. They said, after I was trying to get them to recycle their newspaper that "every 15 year old thinks they can save the world, and that soon I will grow up, and learn that one person can't make a difference." They said that "poor people make no difference, and that unless you're important, you'll never make a difference." They said that "everyone I look up to leeches off society, and are lazy deadbeats."
They said that material things are what makes people happy, and that nobody is happy without nice things.
This made me cry, and I said some things I regret, such as hating them, then being fucking unsophisticated assholes and telling them i feel no connection with them or their side of the family.
They said that "old people teach young people things, not the other way around. We disagree with your values too...look at your hair, you look like an animal!"
The next day, they hassled me for being Buddhist, or actually, a Jewish Buddhist...cause they want me to be just jewish, and anything else is wrong.
"Buddhism is a cult! Every time you meditate, it brainwashes you to give up all your possessions and live on a mountain! It happened to a friend of mine's daughter!"
Well, I still feel incredibly hurt by it, cause I love them, but I just don't know what to do. Or how to feel. I want to do something, but I don't know. Do any of you have some advice. Thankyou.
Peace and love...

 

hahaha. Slip some LSD in their drink.

 

One thing I have learned is that you can not change your grandparents way of thinking.

 

ah, you diddnt say all that bad things to your grandparants. when i fight with my dad i usually call him a cock sucking bitch or something

 

You fucked up. Apologize.

 

You're Grandparents are old and set in their ways. They are going to drive you crazy, especially at 15. At 15, I thought my Grandparents were small minded idiots. By 19, I realized how smart they were... not right about everything, but that they had some real wisdom to impart.

One day, they will be gone and you will come to realize that you miss them.

You need to be a big person and say you are sorry.

 

there is a pretty big difference between not being a spoiled immature kid and being a big person.

 

i don't think there is much you can do, not to change their way of thinking anyway. but it's not like you have to agree with them. just let them know that you're following your own path or whatever, and although they probably do know a thing or two, you just don't agree with it.
i hope this helped...good luck with your grandparents.

 

They don't understand. That's all there is to it. let it go.

 

yeah, i told them to fuck off a whole bunch of times, and i said pretty much the equivalent to cock sucking bitch.

 

I dont know how much this would help... But my mom used to be against my very liberal "i want to change things" ways (in the sense that she's not a fan of protesting, dreads and anything else she missed out on as a teen). We sat down and watched Steal This Movie together one night, and although I didn't like the movie too much, she told me she was proud of me for my beliefs after that.

On the Jewish-Buddhist part of your problem... I dont know. My parents role their eyes at anything I believe in, so I just dont tell them. .. But if you can find a way of showing how the two religions work well with one another or something, that might help.

... on a side note, i used my parents instead of grandparents in my examples cause my grandma tries to convert everyone to her religion, and i dont even bother trying to talk to her about myself. just to explain why i did that.


i hope it works out for you and you find peace with them soon

 

Thankyou so much to everyone who responded, especially wildflowereyes. I really appreciate it. My parents are totally accepting of everything except my drug use...and they're probably right... my mom just told me that when she was over at my grandparents house, they were proud to show her that they were recycling everything and that they were doing what was important to me, and helping. I guess it really doesn't matter what they think. But whatever they think is probably out of love, even if its very misguided...

 

well isnt that kind of obvious?

Professional musicians and the activists of the 60s often did leech off society and usually were/are lazy deadbeats.


apologise before they're dead.

 

grandparents are too old to want to change there ways and they dont want to be told what to do by someone 2 generations below them because they feel its there duty to be telling you what to do, i feel that the best way of dealing with grandparents is to respect them because there older and dont try to push your ideas onto them because it wont work ... you know deep down you love them so please apologise

 

I'm sorry about your grandparents. They sound like they are extremely unhappy with their lives and how it ended up. They might even be trying to push you (in their own way) to do things differently, so you end up "happy" and not like them. What they don't realise is that, that desire for possessions is the root of unhappiness. You will work and work and work for things, achieve them, and still be unhappy. You need to work within yourself, find your inner happiness, and then you can strive for possessions. Chances are you won't want them, and be content with what you already have. You may still become the "success" that they want you to be, but you will know that possessions are meaningless.

As for the Jewish-Buddhist thing - it's impossible to be both at the same time. Judaism is like Christianity, we believe in one supreme being, one G*d. I suggest you do what I do. Be Jewish in your religion, but Buddhist in your life philosophy. You will never be able to claim to be a Buddhist if someone asks you -but you can explain what I just told you. For me, as a Christian, I believe that Buddhism is what Jesus intended Christianity to be like. There are warring factions in Buddhism, I haven't decieved myself - but the message of peace, love, accepting, and enlightenment haven't gotten lost because of it. Today, Christians have missed that message. You say "I'm a Christian" to someone, better yet; "evangelical Christian" to someone and it brings up all sorts of negative connotation. My goal is to bring back the peaceful aspect of it - even if it's just for myself and my family. When people see my Buddha necklace, I want it to open a very similar dialogue that we have here.

Sorry, I would have related that to Judaism - but I don't know all that much about it...

Anyhoo - I just wanted to clarify that up for you. It's up to you to decide which way you want to be.

As far as the arguement, put into practice these philsophies. Go back to them with an open and loving heart. Apologize to them and explain how you were hurt. You don't want to fight with them, an perhaps work something out between them and yourself. Don't expect them to change - don't expect them to apologize back. But, all you can do is lead by example. Show them you are serious about your beliefs, as that's the only way for you to get your message across.

Good luck, and I hope all goes well for you.

 

Damn, I could never argue with my grandmother. It just wouldn't seem right.

 

I've found that -- from my own experiences growing up and being an old person myself -- it's best not to run your mouth to people over 2x your age. Especially when it comes to liberal vs conservative views. Liberals always lose. But it sounds to me your grandparents aren't even trying to better themselves at all. It's not worth arguing about though, a 15 year old vs someone much older and experienced loses most every argument.

 

Y'know, I empathize... what they said was kind of mean, but you have to understand that what just happened falls under the category of "you can't teach an old dog new tricks".... Parents and grandparents have their own way of doing things, and that's just the way it is.


I've grandparents who are racist as hell, and as much as I disagree with them, there's no sense in arguing about it because that's all that we'll end up doing, is agrue.

And as far as a 15 year old never accomplishing anything, well, just ignore it. Every thing that we do - no matter how old we are or how small and insignificant it may seem - is still something. Do the best you can with what you have, and have the personal satisfaction in knowing that you've done the best you can, the hell what anyone else thinks.

 

hmmm, your grandparents are crazy and old, but they are just like any other grandparents.

haha jk, sort of.

But really, I know it's annoying and shocking to hear conservative, non-progressive things said by older people who always seem so loving and peaceful. But like others have said, you can't change them really.

If it seems right, apologize. To me it seems naturally right, but maybe they were understanding and don't need the apology.

whatever,
goodl uck
Cheers and Love,
Dytlan