My Husband Love Anal, But It Hurts. Is There Any Hope?

I feel like I should put a TMI warning out, but some of the posts I have read on here so far, I guess this is the place to just ask these questions, so...

My husband has a big dick. He didn't believe me for the longest time, but I ended up googling averages all over the world, and he is above average for every continent. He's also fairly thick, and has a large head. I love it. I really do. That being said, I don't love anal. It hurts, and although we've done it a few times, start to finish, I probably only enjoyed it about 5% of the time, because of the pain.

He says he doesn't care if we never have anal. He loves me, and doesn't want to hurt me. But I know he loves it from time to time. We've tried going slow, using tons of lube, starting small (finger first, two fingers, ect) and it STILL really hurts. There have been times that I've bled after, and that's even with him going slow. I know he really means it, that if we never have anal sex again, he is fine with it. We have a very fun, and healthy sex life. But for as much as he does to please me, I wish this was something I could do for him once in a while.

What other things besides the obvious will help? Or in a case like this, is it just not possible for it to be pleasurable for me, and not be painful?

 

And I just realized the major typo in the title, and there are probably many more in the post itself. I haven't had enough coffee yet

 

I can't pass this up..."...husband loves anal...but it hurts... hahaha

 

I left that one wiiiiiiiiiiide open. And that one too lol.

 

Here's the thing about anal: it's possible for just about anyone to experience it without pain, but it takes more of an effort to get to where you can do that vs. vaginal. This is because the sphincter muscles are different from other muscles in the body in that they're tight and compressed in their relaxed state and only loosen up when flexing them. On top of that, there are some involuntary muscles involved. Stretch any of those open too fast before they're warmed up enough, and just like exercising without the necessary warmup, you can experience pain and even potentially an injury.

Fortunately, it's not hard to start enjoying anal, it just takes some time and practice. Start on your own just with a lubricated finger in your ass while you masturbate. If you're comfortable with the one finger, try two. If you are able, reach orgasm while you are fingering your ass. Do this fairly regularly until you can comfortably fit three fingers without any pain. Each time you do it, start back at one and work up. So, the key here is to incrementally increase the size you can comfortably fit both over time and during each session to warm up for something bigger. As you get more comfortable with somewhat bigger penetrations, however, you'll find you can skip some of the earlier stages during warmup. For this reason, I usually don't recommend getting something like a butt plug until you are comfortable with 3 fingers, so you don't waste time and money on a plug that will only be interesting for a little while.

But once you are ready to continue beyond that point, get a butt plug. There are a lot of good plugs out there, and a lot of bad ones. Get something that's a body safe material—silicone, glass, stainless steel. These can be a bit more expensive, but they'll last a lot longer and they won't cause allergic reactions or other potential health risks. The only caveat is that you can't use silicone lubricant with most silicone toys. Try to aim for a small/medium plug around the 1.5" diameter range. The Tantus Ryder is a good silicone option, but there are others in that size range. Jeweled plugs aren't the best option for anal training, because they have such a thin neck that they don't do much to your anal muscles once they're inside. Once you have a plug, however, start to wear it regularly when you masturbate, experiment with wearing it during sex, and even try wearing it around the house. The idea is to both get used to anal penetration and train your anal muscles to develop a bit more control, as well as associate anal penetration with existing pleasures. Depending on his size, you may want to also get a larger plug to work towards, or find a dildo between his size and what you can comfortably fit to practice on and work towards.


I wouldn't attempt anal sex again until you can comfortably work up to his size with other objects. If you take the time to get there—and it could be weeks or months—you'll likely both find it rewarding.

A few other tips: always play with your clit during initial penetration, both to help relax and to interpret any short term discomfort as more pleasurable. If you get to the point during initial penetration, where something hurts, just hold that position right on the edge before it really starts to hurt, and try to relax as you get used to it. After a moment it should get better, otherwise back off a little bit. Once the pain fades, try again. Repeat until you can continue without pain. Don't just push past the pain and try to do it anyway—pain means you aren't warmed up enough yet and could injure yourself (as evidenced by the bleeding you encountered). If there's blood, stop and try again another day. Another way to help relax is to push out as if going to the bathroom, which loosens the muscles and aids penetration if you're finding it difficult. And, finally, wearing a plug for at least 15 to 30 minutes before having anal sex is a great help.

 

I would bet that he would love to help you with the training as well. Maybe during oral or regular sex, he can use a small toy or finger to warm you up and get you used to it. I think just the fact that you're willing to try this hard will mean a lot to him, and he'll probably do whatever you need him to do to help you get there. Sometimes when I get close to orgasm, I can get a little carried away. A lot of guys are like that. Don't be afraid to tell him to take it easy. Communication is very important. If it's ever too much for you, don't be afraid to ask him to stop, or even pull out. I'm sure he would have no problem cleaning up and babying you for a while before you continue onto something else. Remember, half the fun of any adventure is the journey. Have fun until you get to the main event. I'm sure he'll enjoy it too.

 

well yeah, that happens when you keep telling him he has a big dick.

 

Here is a short tutorial I typed up a while
back. It's how *I* learned..

The key to this is to take your time and go
slow. You learn how to control your butt and sphincter muscles. You
learn how to RELAX THEM and you get used to the feeling of it all. Anal play for beginners

Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor and I do NOT play
one on TV. This is the way *I* learned how to discover anal play. As
usual care needs to be practiced. GO VERY SLOWLY.


First start off with a TRIMMED index finger. You
may even want to put on a latex glove first to help make it even
smoother. Use KY or the drug store brand of KY and lube the finger
well. Place it VERY GENTLY near the anus and lightly circle the hole
with the finger. DON'T INSERT YET. Just circle it for a few minutes.
After a few minutes without insert, just put the finger over the anus
and gently press a bit without entering. Just apply a bit of
pressure.
Do this over and over a few times and after a
few minutes SLOWLY begin to insert JUST THE FINGER *TIP* in about a
quarter of an inch then take it out. Do this a few times then go a
LITTLE further in. Repeat this until you have you whole finger in. DO
NOT FORCE IT, IF HE OR SHE OR YOU SAYS STOP, STOP!


Within a week or so of trying this the person
should be fairly used to the finger and inserting and pumping it in
and out should become easy. Also try moving the finger around while
inserted, back & forth,etc. Orgasms ARE VERY VERY INTENSE when
you leave your finger or butt plug or dildo in.

Soon you will want to try something slightly
bigger than your finger. Try your middle finger or graduate to a
SMALL butt plug. Same rules apply to the new toy as did with the
finger. Start off using the finger as usual then after getting loose
begin with the plug. Plugs have flared bottoms to prevent them from
going all the way in. If you graduate to dildos later get ones with a
flared base or ones that have the balls at the bottom. This prevents
them from slipping all the way in. You don't need a trip to the ER to
retrieve it, that would SUCK! After a while you will become very used to anal
play and you won't need much time to prep for your session. You'll
loosen up very quickly after you learn how to relax your anal
muscles. It takes me less than 5 minutes to go from start to riding a
8 inch silicon dildo like a bucking bronco!
GITTYUP LITTLE DOGGIE!


The key to learning anal play/sex is to TAKE
YOUR TIME.

 

Practice really is the key. After decades of anal play, I'm pretty much seasoned, but every once in a great while, I'll insert something a bit too fast for its' size, and it can hurt. I simply wait until the pain subsides, and go slower with the same object

 

Physiologically, the anus/rectum can probably accept any human penis. Stretching the sphincters takes practice and intent.

The rest - pain, acceptance, fear, phobias is really in your court as a couple.

You've been given some excellent suggestions.

Just one thing. It is NOT your fault you can't get it right as a couple. NEVER blame yourself.