My live in girlfriend is sexually obsessed with a man at work. She tells me that for the last year every time she gets dressed in the morning she is thinking about him. When she gets a hair cut its for him..and when she buys cloths. Even when she masturbates she is thinking about him. Our sex life has not been good for about two years now. I have told her that if sleeping with him is the only way for her to work out her feeling for me and for him than she should go and sleep with him. I don’t think she has yet but I am not sure. She had been into him for six months before she told me about him. When she goes to her work parties she goes without me because of him. I know she tells her gf’s about him but I am not sure of what she tells them really. Strangely I know my gf loves me. I love her also. I would stay with her if our sex life got better and she was open with me. I know something has to change with us. I have been asking her to figure it out for a long time now. I really hope she does. I would love to have someone to talk to about this. I would really like to hear peoples thoughts on this…Please write.
Well let me start by asking, are you sure you're ok with her sleeping with another guy? some people can handle their loved ones doing this and some cant, if you're one that cannot handle it, it will ruin your relationship. Let me ask you, what if she does sleep with him and decides that she wants to continue sleeping with him but still loves you and wants to be with you? Will you allow that? if you allow it this might become a polyamorous relationship so let us know what you plan on doing. I've let my girlfriend sleep with other guys but that was just for her pleasure not that she had been obsessed with other guys.
Yes, polyamorous or polygamous may work with some couples but that is usually a highly idealized notion. If you're left wondering about her while she shags other people, you might want to reconsider. The reason she's probably going on and on about him is perhaps due to you not voicing your concerns to her. I don't know much about you but from your language I'm reading that you're hurt, confused, and emotionally drained. "Cheat" is not an easy word. Think about yourself. She could be hurting you intentionally and you're too blind to see it. Or she's pretty damn clueless. You both must have been together for longer than two years. That's quite a lot of time to become attuned to someone and their moods. Either you or her need take a hint, or the high road.
Why dont you give us some more detail, how old are you and your girlfriend? how long have you been together? has she ever cheated? were you both virgins when you met and lost it to eachother? just use your imagination that might give us more information to better assist you
It sounds like to me she's already moved on but can't face the facts or feels guilty telling you. I mean c'mon she shouldn't be thinking about someone else 24/7 and I think especially since she doesn't take you along to her work parties there's something wrong. If she doesn't everything for him (masturbate, cut her hair, etc) and not for you there is a major problem. I think you need to confront her on this situation imediatly. Talk to her about it and tell her you don't apreciate her behavior. To me it sounds like she's walking all over you and you just let yourself be subject to the abuse just because you love her. You deserve better than that. I say leave her and be with woman who truly wants to be with you and not anyone else like that. Don't let her sleep with him either. It sounds like to me you may think she has an infatuation with this guy that will go away if she does so. But it's going to hurt you deeply and she shouldn't have to have sex with someone to get over them and be with you. Trying anything that has to do with an "open" relationship will break this one apart compleatly. Making a relationship open when there are problems will only destory it more and cause a lot more pain for you than you need right now.
I thought, "Wow, that's super harsh" when I first read that, but...I suppose it's a good thing she's let you know her feelings. I almost forgot this was the Free Love forum, lol. Are you emotionally okay with the idea of letting her experiment? I know you've discussed the idea, but are you capable of handling the possible outcome? Obviously it bothers you a bit, or you wouldn't be posting here. But you definitely need to corner her one day and try to get her to tell you what's been going on and how she feels about the situation currently. Maybe it would be better to let her go and find someone that's willing to be open and honest (and be interested in you above others) than to continue a relationship that's clearly lacking trust.
Well looks like he got advice from a decent amount of people..lets just see what he has to say about all this..I'm kinda curious, hurry up and post
Let me first tell you all a bit more about my girlfriend and myself. I am 41 and she is 38. We have been together for about seven years and lived together for more than two. We have both never been married and we have no kids. I work on computer databases and she is television new reporter. We both try to be good each other. She has always had trouble feeling love and lust for the same man. In her past she has pushed good men out of her life because of this. I think she is doing this again. We do talk, we have been to couples therapy. We talk and talk. The trouble is that things stay the same. She is often cold to me sexually and she focuses her lust on others. I don’t think she has slept with other men but its hard to be sure. She has changed a little bit in bed over the last year. Maybe she is just trying to “find her lust” with me. Maybe its something ells. Some of you asked if I could really handle her having sex with another man. I really think I could. I am not looking to be a swinger or anything. I am just hoping she can figure out what is going on with her. Honestly I think it would be faster and cheaper than more therapy. If she fell for another man I would feel a great loss but if her sleeping with him helped our sex life together than I would be ok with it. In the last six months some of the most passionate sex we have had was talking about her with him (I know many of you will think that sounds sick but I not sure about that). I really am not a door mate of man. I have bigger than average equipment (I know everyone is well hung on line but really)and in the past women have always wanted more. I really don’t feel inadequate at all sexually. I have been with a lot of girls. As a younger man I would get jealous but I don’t get jealous about sex much anymore. If she fell in love with him I would feel a great loss but life goes on and I (Inshallah) I would love again. I am just trying to save what we have.. Anyway….Write to me if any of you want to. It feels good to talk.
Don't walk, RUN away from this relationship. Do not fool yourself, it is already over, turn her loose and move on.
Just because someone is a good man doesn't make them automaticaly able for a girl to love them or lust after them. Love romance wise is a very fickle uncontrolable thing. It doesn't matter how you look or how nice you are or how good in the bedroom you are or even how much your personalites click. Even if at one point the love was definintly there. Love comes and goes. Friendship doesn't. It sounds to me since she still seems to want to stay with you she may either be feeling guilty and/or she still loves you as a FRIEND. Which is much differnt than as a lover. If she loved you as a lover she'd feel lust towards you. If you are unable to have sex with eachother (doesn't have to be because your unattractive/unable to perform) there is something wrong. Sex as primiative at it is, is an extreamly important part in a relationship and is usually the first to go if something is wrong (ot at least dwindle). You say you really "think" you could. Personally I don't think you can. You seem to me so in love that you'll do anything to help the situation even if it does hurt you at first. You seem to be thinking that "if it fixes my relationship in the long run I won't be hurt from it because the problem I have now is hurting me more." Sounds about right? Not trying to put words in your mouth just trying to figure out your thinking. But my point is that it's not a healthy way to think. Love is worth a lot but if the love is only worth something to you and not her than it's not really worth it in the long run for you. Do you really want "quick fix" for something so important? This is obviously a big issue in your life. While you seem sick of having to deal with the situation and the pain that doesn't mean you should opt for the easiest solution. The thing is letting her sleep with him wouldn't be a solution at all but adding to the bigger problem. What if she wanted to sleep with him all the time and not you and just wanted emotional support from you only. Do you think you can handle that? I seriously think you need to just be friends with her since you pretty much already are. Personally I don't think you should have to "work" to make a relationship stay alive and thrive. It shouldn't be work it it's really love. Love is supposed to be something that ehances your life not stress it out. Please come to terms with it and let it go. You can still be friends but you need a woman who is going to really love you and I really feel that she doesn't beside in a friendship sence.
Well said. Now its up to you whether you wanna go ahead and leave her or let her do it with him as one final attempt and if not just end it.
Red flag: She told you that to give herself an out when someone better came along. Then all you are to her is a dick. A vehicle in which she imagines fucking this other guy. It may be your body, but its not you shes fucking. Doesnt matter, youre still getting used.
I agree with Irish Drunkard. I may just be 19, but it definitely sounds like you're being used. No one deserves that. You should find someone who wants just you. She wants emotional support from you and sexual things from another man, that's not fair to you at all.
Just pack up & leave, like one day while she is at work, you do not deserve this, just go & leave her with no way to find you, the writeing is on the wall. Find someone new.
