This will be a long post probably so sorry in advance!! Theres this friend of mine who I’ve known for about… 6/7 years now. I think she’s cool, we have a laugh together when we’re out and stuff. The problem is, ever since we were younger she always does stuff to me, the kinda things you shouldn’t want to do to someone who you claim is your very best friend in the whole world. Nothin terrible like beatin me or anything, shes just a total bitch. Shes done so much stuff to me that’s totally…. nasty basically. When we were younger she used to steal guys (they obviously weren’t worth it in the first place) from me, when she knew I was kinda seeing them or whatever, she would just go and fling herself at them. I’ve never understood why anyone would do this to a friend? Recently we’ve started going out together again and shes doing it all over again. I don’t know how to deal with it. If I pull in the pub or whatever, she’ll come up to me later on and ask if she can kiss the guy I’ve been kissing. Is that normal? I for one know that if one of my friends was kissing someone I sure as shit wouldn’t go and ask them if I could!! Never mind asking, I wouldn’t want to kiss someone my friend has been kissing! (Fuck, that was a lot of kissing in that paragraph!). There was another occasion recently, I slept with this guy and then the next week we all went to my friends for a party after the clubs closed. She decided then that she was gonna shag him. Now, I don’t fancy this guy, hes hot and everythin but hes not my type. The thing that pissed me off is she didn’t ask me if I had any feelings for him, she just went ahead to get what she wanted. What if I’d decided I wanted to start seeing him or something? It’s the fuckin principle of the matter. I think its really strange. I always thought she was doing it to prove something, tryin to tell me that I’m not good enough and that she can get whoever she likes, ya know? She doesn’t have any friends of her own really apart from me, she knows my friends through me but at the end of the day they’re my friends, not hers. I’ve earned the right to be their friend, and have been for years. Shes tryin to worm her way in to the group and I’m not happy. Shes did it when we were younger and I was the one that always ended up getting fucked over and left with no one. In the past couple of months I feel like I’ve actually became my own person, I broke up with my bf (was sad and everythin but it was totally for the better), and since then I feel…. Fuckin brilliant! I’ve slept with a fair few ppl, but I’m careful and I’m not hurting anyone so I don’t think it’s a problem. I thought maybe she was jealous about the fact that I pull so much lately. At the same time though the one thing she has to consider is that she has a BABY, who will be one next month. She seems to be jealous of the fact that I can go out and do whatever I want whenever I want, but that’s not my fault. Shes to blame for shaggin about without using any protection. I don’t even think she knows who the father is to be honest. She says she does but the dates and stuff don’t match up…. Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Then about two weeks ago something weird happened. I was wasted, I’d been drinkin for hours and takin speed as well, so I was pretty ripped. She was in her flat alone all night, when the pub shut at 3am we all went to hers. She only had about 3 vodkas and a joint or two. She told me she had something to tell me and took me into the kitchen, where she told me she wante to snog me coz she thought I was really hot. Then she kissed me. After that she told me I was a great snog and that if someone wasn’t sleepin in her bed she would take me in and do things to me. This freaked me out!!! I’ve kissed her and other girls before, but that was years ago and just for the sake of it really. I’m not sayin that she does, but if she fancies me then it would explain a lot I think. The thing that got me was the fact that she was sober. I think she thought that I wouldn’t remember in the morning. That’s basically it. I just don’t know how to deal with this. I know I should say something when she treats me like dirt, but I’m not a confrontational person. I don’t like stuff like that. I never usually have to coz all the rest of my friends are actual proper friends. I know I could trust them with my life, but I don’t trust her at all. I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I say somethin to her now, then 6 years of petty worthless stuff is gonna come out along with it. And then it’ll be an argument and I’ll be tempted to kick her head in. Which would be all bad! I suppose I’m just looking for a way to tell her how I feel. And tell her that I’m not takin anymore shit from her and that if she doesn’t start acting like a proper friend then she can fuck off. Right, I’m gonna stop now coz I’ve ranted on for so long. Any advice or thoughts would be greatly appreciated!
hmmm...her having a crush on you COULD explain a lot about how she has been treating you over the years. but i just have to wonder...why do you even still talk to her? you're an adult and if you want to put an end to the friendship, it's your right to do so. the fact that you are her only real friend screams that she is socially inept and immature. you sound like a really smart and cool person and don't need someone like this bullying you around. the only thing you CAN do is to tell her that you don't want to be friends anymore, UNLESS she can change. if all that 6 years of petty stuff DOES come out, good. it needs to. she needs to hear what she has done. try to talk to her in a public place, but not a pub or club...you both need to be sober and it needs to be a neutral location so you don't bring any negative energy into either one of your homes....your situation really hits home with me, because i had to "break up" with a friend recently...it's hard. it's almost like breaking up with a significant other, so it can be really hard, especially if you have a lot of history with that person. but sometimes, just like breaking up with a sig. other, it can be the best thing that ever happened to you...good luck
Sounds to me like she is pretty good at manipulating people, specifically you. And honestly, she has some deeper issues that you have no idea about. She needs professional help. I had a friend like this before. I had to stop being friends with her. No matter how much I tried to help her, it came back to bite me in the ass because she knew what she wanted (which was what I had) and she straight up took it. This person isn't a friend to you. She is using you. And if you are getting the impression that she has a thing for you, I think that is just another ploy to keep you guessing as to what is up with her. Sounds like its all a game to her in her head. She doesn't sound like she deserves a good friend like you, which would explain why you are her only friend. I had to learn this the hard way myself, but what you need to do is stand up for yourself and call the bitch out. Tell her that she doesn't act like a friend and that you don't want anything to do with her anymore and to stay out of your life. Then suggest she see a therapist, because if she doesn't, this is going to get much worse and someone is going to get hurt, I have a feeling it will be you. Good Luck!
I don’t think she wants you as a g/f or even to sleep with you. But it dose sound like she loves you a lot and doesn’t want to lose you. Yes she dose show this in weird way but look at it this way. If you date a guy you will spend all your time with him, and no time with her. She has no other friends (as you said) and she doesn’t want to be alone, so if she hoocks up with the guy then you will see that he's worthless and wont waste your time with him and spend all your time with her. But now that she has a baby she cant go out with you as often as she did. So in order to make you stay with her she will "show" her affection towards you. Do you understand? All you need to do is sit down with her and tell her that you do love her and you will never lose her or ignore her, but you want to have a serious b/f to keep for yourself. Hope I helped
This girk sounds exactly like my old best friend. Do you consider yourself prettier/smarter/ more out going that her? Would she have any reason to be jealous of you? THat's what was up with my old friend. She thought I had more going for me (and in most ways I didn't) and she sabotaged good thing that came up in my life. She was a manipulative, vintictive little bitch. She kissed me and wanted to sleep with me. We made out, but it never went further than that. She turned around and told every guy a was a raging lesbain and her girlfriend and to stay away, unless they wanted to sleep with her. In the end she fucked me over more than anyone could imagine. If she is manipulative in any way, rid yourself of her. It's not worth it. People like that rarely stop acting that way and get thier own life. Make her or let her leech onto somebody else.
to me, it sounds almost like she's trying to prove herself. Prove that she's as attractive and able at catching guys as you are. That you're some sort of measuring stick to her, and she's desperate to measure up. I was like that with my cousin for a while - used her as a measuring stick (though I never made out with her guys or anything). It turns into a weird dynamic until the other person realizes taht they are their own person, and have their own standards by which to measure. I would try to back off for a while, give yourself some space from her, and her some space from you. Don't sever the friendship, but tone it down for a while and see where it leads. It may be that she's the manipulative person others have said, or it may be that she can't realize her own ways to measure herself.
I once had a guy friend (not sexually) who seemed to need me as one of his closest friends . . . but he was so self-centered and thoughtless and annoying that I finally had to disassociate myself from him. (My situation might be similar to yours.) Good luck.
lots of liquor and drugs can make people do inexplicable, insensitive shit. I know that myself, when im deeply drunk i can be a real selfish asshole, but sober, im a nice, quiet guy. So that could be part of her problem. I also thought right away when i was reading your post " she wants to get into bed with you" and probably whoever your with too. maybe she cant break open the subject tho' so she kisses your men, hoping you can all get together. overall i'd say its talk time. She probably has alot of shit going on in her head that she cant share. So its either ditch her or try and talk.
