I got really incredibly drunk a while ago and the next week C told me that I had said I am in love with her, which was awkward because I always tease her about her boyfriend, and say she's out of his league (I think it's funny, because I always think girls are out of their boyfriends' league because duh) and I had laughed because he wore red trousers, and she thinks that is bitterness and jealousy. I said sorry and explained that I wasn't in love with her and asked if I'd said anything else, and she told me I'd said some other stuff, like that she didn't know true pain and that her brother was emotionally constipated and other rude things, which I was even more mortified about. But she said it was just the being in love thing she minded, and that it wasn't okay for me to talk about her boyfriend the way I did in light of it. We sorted it, kind of, and we went back to being friends, but it was awkward and the more time passed the more I remembered. I remember telling her that I loved her, because she was crying and asking why no one did. I am almost a hundred percent certain I didn't mean it any way other than as a friend, because I've never told anyone I'm in love with them. Never. I've never even told someone I fancy them, because I'm just that well adjusted. I rarely tell people I love them at all. I told her what I remembered about the evening, thinking it would disipate tension, because it would reassure her that I really wasn't in love with her. She got really angry and told me I could remember it however I liked, that we both know what really happened and some other stuff, and we had a big argument that ended in me saying, jokingly 'hey, look at that! we're breaking up!'. We haven't spoken since. On Saturday night I went to see a gig with a different friend, and C was there. It was one of those gigs where there are lots of bands, and I hadn't realised that her boyfriend's band was one of them. When they came on, they announced that her boyfriend was leaving for Afghanistan. So, sorry for the really long post, here's the point; I want to know if she's okay, because people leaving is really hard for her and if he's leaving, she might not be. I want to know if she's going with him, because if she's leaving it might be nice to know, too. I'm a bit worried about her. But anything I say is going to look to her like I've heard her boyfriend is out of the picture so I'm moving in. Really, I just miss my friend and want to know if she's okay. It's really hard, because I questioned for a long time if I was in love with her, and being in love with your straight best friend, as many of you know I'm sure, is singularly painful and causes all sorts of problems in a friendship. I know without a doubt that I'm not and never have been in love with her, but I don't know how to pursuade of that fact and I'm hurt that she'd assume that I am because what kind of a cliche is that, thinking that her only lesbian friend is in love with her? I do want to be friends with her, though, and I do want to know that she's alright. And I want to talk to her, to tell her why I was hurt and listen to why she was, so we can move on. Any advice for someone who is brand new here and is posting her life story very rudely?
It's a tough one, Zila ... but I really think you've got to sit this one out. You held out the olive branch, and she snapped your hand off. You've gotta let her realize that for herself. When she does, she'll apologise to you for it. But until she does, anything you do is apt to be misinterpreted and just make things worse. It's tough, I know ... but I really think you need to give her space and see what happens.
