It is silent in my final hour...I look back through the years everything seems foggy distant it all seems familiarly unfamiliar..my life as vivid to me as a drug induced dream...i want to cry in my final hour but from my eyes drip only dust..i look for another way, a chance to survive an hour beyond my final...i close my eyes disappointed in myself..i was told my entire life that i was such a creative child,so much potential....then somewhere between the enchantment of my youth and the disenchantment of the present i have lost my ability to disconnect from the heavyness of stubborn sadness and to maintain the overwhelming sense of worthlessness that has led me to, and left me alone in my final hour...to my friends and family ..i beg you not to blame yourself...hate me if you must, but do not hate me for what seems to be selfishness...you see in my mind i realize that if i were to continue on beyond my final hour there is a small possibility that i could have been as happy as i was as a child , but what if i am just to weak what if i simply dont have the strength to fake the smiles...i would exsist souly for the purpose of maintaining a false sense of happiness a forced exsistance, and because of the fact that my last self inflicted sin would bring grief to people i love....my other option,what? that i continue to live sad, unhappy,depressed, i hate myself for reasons i cant explain and while i survive this so called life;my friends and family sense my unhappiness and soon the become affected,infected by it...their sadness untimately defeating the purpose of my survival.... i cannot explain myself in my final hour and im sure if there is a heaven i will not enter, but regardless the idea of my unforgiving sin...I kneel and whisper my final prayer and i make a pillow for my fears and one last time i take a breath...i close my eyes...something cries "no not yet"..i touch back down... i regain control with shaking hands i wind back the clock....my final hour rewinding...im given another chance...with layers of scars(without and within)..my final hour i have defeated...i fought death for lifes victory...that i will forever celebrate in dance...