My feminine side doesn't last! help!

peace

 

One thing I can say for just about certain, is you are not transsexual. I don't know any transwoman who would refer to herself as a "ladyboy". The fact that sometimes you see yourself as a straight man, says to me you are definitely not trans. You say when you fantasise about sex with men, it's always "without a face". This would suggest that either you are bi-sexual and are just supressing that, or you are more into just the feeling of anal sex, rather than actually being attracted to men. With most transpeople, the feeling of being trapped in the wrong body starts at an early age, and that feeling is also usually total. The problem with the "trans" umbrella, is many different kinds of people are actually being all lumped in together. When they actually don't have very much in common at all. From listening to your story, the only thing I can really rule out almost certainly, is that you are transsexual.

 

I do have a few questions before I draw any conclusions. Have you been genetically tested? Have you or are you willing to talk to a professional about any of this?


I can only speak about my own experiences. I didn't become aware that I was a victim of GID until I was in my fifties. Had I had the confidence to talk with a professional about my experiences and desires at an earlier time in my life, it might have turned out much differently. I have many friends who consider themselves to be transsexuals or transgendered who did not become aware of this until they were in their later years, some as late as fifties and even sixties. As well, many of these friends knew or found out some wheres along the journey that they were intersexed or had intersex conditions. This is the reason why I believe that genetic testing is beneficial.

Erin

 

LOL so wait, you're saying that in order to be transexual you have to have thought of yourself as being trapped in the wrong body since a young age? hahah ok well how would it make a difference if some guy was just spontanious and decided to go trans without even giving it much thought. Who would tell the difference??
If you are going to be a "ladyboy" then make sure your hot

 

This actually is the case with me. I am actually intersex, but did not find this out till my late 20's. When I first saught help in my late teens, I was originally diagnosed with "gender dysphoria". I myself always seen myself as female for as long as I can remember, even though I was brought up as male, later developed secondary male characteristics, and was completely oblivious to my intersex condition.

I think it is a fact that not all people labelled "transsexual" are the same. There are differences between a lot of people labelled that, and I think those differences need to be acknowledged. Instead of just lumping all those people into one big box of "weird" and be done with it.

Wow, you really are ignorant aren't you? Just because people couldn't tell the difference, doesn't mean that there isn't one. (Seeing as the difference is on the INSIDE, not the outside) Yes, there are many different people that fall under the "trans" umbrella, that doesn't make them all the same, however. You don't "decide" to be trans, you either are, or you aren't. There are some that literally are females trapped in male bodies. (scientifically speaking) These people are called transsexual. However, there are other people who don't fit into that category that are also labelled "transsexual". (This can cause a lot of confusion, and I do know some trans people who are dismayed by the misconceptions held by people like you, due to this wide "trans" umbrella) Just because to the casual observer there is no difference, just because they look similar, doesn't mean there is no difference. You are clearly far too ignorant of the subject to be taken seriously on it. People don't choose to be transsexual, it's something you're born with. In future, learn some more about a subject, before posting such ignorant views. To start with, a ladyboy is NOT a transsexual. If you think they are the same thing, then I think anyone can denounce anything you say about the matter as being nonsense.

 

Ok sorry i just didn't know really. They should make it clear and if they really always thought they were in the wrong body for it to be called trans and otherwise, they should be labeled "shemale".
I don't understand how they could "scientifically" be in the wrong body, i mean is there actual proof like i think that its been proven that female brains are smaller or something, do these people have female brains? If not and there is no proof, then i think its in the same kind of category as beliefs and religion//

 

Yes, there actually is scientific evidence which has shown that some people have a brain more congurent with the opposite sex to that of which they were born. It is a fact that one particular part of the brain, is significantly smaller in females than in males. It's been discovered that at least some female transsexuals who were born with outer male sex anatomy, actually have brains in the female region of size, rather than the male one. (the same test also showed homosexual males' brains are in the normal male size. Thus disproving any link between gender dysphoria, and homosexuality, Not that that wasn't a ludicrous connection in the first place. And would also explain why transsexual women see themselves as heterosexual, not gay, if they are attracted to men)

There is also research going on to see if there is some genetic component to it also. One test did reveal that a genetic link is possible, but genetic research into this condition is very much in its infancy, and nothing concrete has been found yet. The brain research on it's own, however, is enough to suggest a high likelyhood that some transsexuals actually have a brain more congurent with the opposite sex to the one they were apparently born as. And this is something you are almost certainly born with.

This is quite a long read, but if you wish to, here is the findings from a scientific test to see if the brains of transpeople were in any way different to the brains they should have, based on physical sex alone:

http://jcem.endojournals.org/cgi/content/full/85/5/2034

It's important to state however, that not all labelled "transsexual" have a brain/body mismatch.

 

In North America "shemale" and "ladyboy" are somewhat derogatory terms.
Usually these terms are used in pornographic publications. Transitioning person are referred to as transmen or transwomen.Although I have heard the term "ladyboy" used referring to transitioning mtf's in Thailand and not meant in a derogatory way.

Sometimes coming to the conclusion that one is a transsexual is a gradual procedure. Many persons start off being crossdressers, aka transgendered. Some stay in the closet for many years before finding the courage and the means to out themselves after which a session with a professional will help to set them in the right direction.

Erin

 

Even in Thailand though ladyboy is pretty degatory, it normally refers to sex workers.

 

Yes, this is why I said anyone referring to themselves as that probably isn't transsexual. (not least, because of the prescence of the word "boy" in the term. Which most transwomen feel no affiliation with) Then again, I even used to find the word "transsexual" personally offensive. For me, only "female" and female pronouns were acceptable for me to be called. I felt the trans label was simply there for others' benefits, a way of seperating me from other "normal" women. And making it easier for others to discriminate against me. I felt it was being misleading, when I only seen myself as female.

The way I see it, "shemale", "ladyboy" and other such terms are only not derogatory, if the person doesn't mind being called that. It's safe to say, most transwomen do find those terms offensive though. I do think the "tranny porn" phenomena has made it even harder for transpeople to be taken seriously than they were before. I think it's safe to say, most ignorant people think that is an accurate depiction of what most transwomen are like. When this is in fact, not the case. I do find it weird however, that someone would find the term "tranny" offensive, but not the word "transsexual". I've always seen "tranny" as just being a slang, or shortened version of that word. I never seen myself as a trans-anything. I just seen myself as female, and that's it. Trans was a label others' slapped on me, that wasn't how I saw myself at all.

I do know there are some transwomen who are unhappy with the trans "umbrella", and I can see why. There's actually a lot of different types of people under that umbrella, and that umbrella being there, at least gives out the impression, that everyone under it is the same, or similar. I have spoken to transpeople who take great issue with that. As it just perpetuates stereotypes, and misunderstandings such as MysticalRiot's.

 

peace

 

Neither of those terms specifically means "sex worker". Syd just stated in Thailand it can sometimes mean that. Both of those terms, and in particular "shemale" (Also "he/she", and even "it") are usually used by the general public purely as a derogatory term towards transsexuals. In most of those instances, "sex worker" isnt the insult that's implied. The insult is purely that the person is trans, and they aren't real women. (or real men, in the case of transmen.) It's a label disigned to tie transpeople down to the supposed gender of which they were born. I have also stated before, that neither of those terms are in themselves offensive. They only are, if the person in question takes offense to those terms. Some people do feel "between genders", or are autogynephiles, and there are transpeople that don't actively hate their born sex anatomy, and will happily use them in sexual activity. Those people probably don't mind those terms. If the people you know don't find the term derogatory, then maybe it isn't for those people. I can honestly say Ive never heard of a transsexual (someone who feels totally they are the opposite sex to which they were apparently born as) referring to themselves as "shemales", or "ladyboys". I have also stated, some people labelled "transsexual" are in fact, mislabelled that, and actually fall somewhere else under the trans umbrella. Post-op, Pre-op...at the end of the day, that is really just semantics. Surgery doesn't make you into a woman. Genuine transwomen are women before surgery too. Surgery doesn't suddenly transform you from "male to female" (or vice versa), if you consider yourself as only female post-op, then you aren't really transsexual.

"New-half"? Ive never heard of that term before. But that also does sound very derogatory to me.

Then again, only "female" and female pronouns, I ever found it appropriate to address me buy. I seen any label that in any way implied I was somehow "half--male", as derogatory. This is why even when I was medically labelled transsexual, I always rejected any "trans" labels as a label for myself. I always just seen myself as a girl who was born with a horrible birth defect. Which actually turned out being the case. Though Id say even for some transpeople, that is also the case.

I'd say one day doing away with the "trans" term altogether, at least for some, is the way to go. I mean, how can you "transition" from male to female, if you've never felt male, and always female? (or vice versa) This is the main reason I rejected any "trans" labels for myself. I didn't see I was transitioning from male to female, seeing as I always seen myself as female.

 

New-half is a Japanese term, I believe.

I don't disagree with anything you have said, Invisible Soul. I, too prefer to just be referred to as a female but it has been a journey. When I was a cross dresser, I was transgendered. I preferred that term to cross dresser because I felt like I was in the wrong gender. When I visited the psychiatrist and arrived at the conclusion that I was GID, the psychiatrist said I was a trans-woman. It made sense because after more than fifty years of trying to live as a man, I was so happy to be on my way to becoming a woman. And now, finally, I am a woman.

I also am acutely aware of the fact now that I was and still am for that matter, an intersex person. But I was a male and now I am a female.

Erin

 

Whenever I wore female clothes, I never seen that I was "cross-dressing", I just saw that as wearing clothes I felt comfortable in. Yes, I was medically labelled "trans" by psychiatrists, but I never accepted that as a term for myself. And this would not have changed even if I'd never discovered about my intersex status. The reason why, is very simple. I'd never seen myself as male, had never tried to fit into that role, so I saw NO transitioning on my part whatsoever. This is also the reason why I wasn't taken seriously, given a miniscule hormone dose, with no anti-androgens, and never being considered for surgery. I was being discriminated against, because I did not fit the transsexual stereotype. I don't see why I should have to say I "was once male", just to appease narrow minded, and misguided gender stereotypes. I've never felt male, so I'm not going to say otherwise.

For me, hormone treatment and surgery is just a way of making my physical self at least somewhat in harmony with what my gender has always been. Female. I don't see that process in any way me "becoming" a woman. Seeing as how female/girl/woman is the way I always seen myself. All I'm trying to do, is find some kind of inner peace by connecting my physical sex, to my gender. Or at least as far as current technology will allow me to connect those things. I've never been anything other than female, even when my physical body completely betrayed that fact.

If you see that you were "once male" then that's fine, but I certainly don't see myself that way. I just see my intersex condition as a handicap in getting my true gender seen as recognised. And I think for some trans people, at least, this is also the case. I am also acutely aware that I am an intersex person, but that just affects my physical sex, not my gender. I am aware that my body will never be completely how it should be, but I only see things like that, because I see myself as a woman. I havent had surgery yet, but having that wont "change" me into a woman, I already am a woman. I just need the surgery to give me some sort of comfort in my own body, which currently I don't have.

I think the main reason why I have never accepted labels like "cross dresser", "transgender", "transsexual" or anything like that for myself, is I never made any attempt to live as a man. Even when I was child, male was just how others adressed and saw me. I never tried to fit into that role, and I never saw myself as male either. When puberty hit, I made the decision there and then that certain things weren't going to be a part of my life. (romantic relationships, being able to participate normally into society, following my dreams) The way I saw it, I would rather have no life, than a life where I had to pretend to be something I wasn't in order to have some kind of life. If I had tried to live as a man, I wouldn't be alive today. I knew even at a young age that I just couldn't live like that. For me, "living as a man" just wasn't an option.

 

peace

 

You are very welcome

I would try and not dwell on it too much. However, if these "waves" come back, then I think you really need to just accept them as part of you, and not feel so disgusted and guilty about it. There was another guy on here a few weeks ago saying he wanted to be a woman sometimes, but it was more like a fetish, rather than actually feeling female on the inside. He said he didn't like it, and felt guilty for having those feelings. You shouldn't beat youself up, there's nothing wrong with you for having those thoughts. Maybe they will go away, maybe they won't. But the important thing is, if they don't go away, try not to make a big deal out of it, there's really nothing wrong with it.

If you ever need to talk, you can always send me a PM if you don't want to air the issue on here. I will always lend a friendly ear, even if I can't relate to your feelings. Good luck with everything!

 

peace

 

To be honest, this is an area outside my field of knowledge. You say you know now you are not trans, and from everything you've said, I would tend to agree with you on that. Whether any of those things are responsible for your waves of feelings, I really can't say. They could be, then again, they could have just been a trigger for feelings that you had before, just buried deep down inside.

And you are welcome

 

You said the feelings come in waves, try putting the two together. Both your masculine and feminine sides. A merger of the two creates a complete being.

 

Well, some people are transgender. (the feeling of being "inbetween genders", or being "genderless")

My guess is, the waves are either repressed transgenderism, or some sort of fetish attatched to seeing himself as female. I also dont think anything like that can be "created" by second hand means, its just a part of the person. I think some people just need to try and find reasons for things that actually have no reason for being there. Especially if the thing is a trait the person would rather not have.