It did not seem to be so much the moment, a place hid from all eye's, the sound would lead you here, to my heart that beats evenly your name, a cold brown grass weighed down with frost, blue skies that held a single cloud, then lost to memory, I thought of childhood wonders that did not make sense then, but still a treasure awaited when it's time came, and it did, a right of passage, I knew the soul of another, and they knew me, of which I held pride inside, and respected her being, I worshiped her soul....... Devon Knight ~ / Icurus ~
~* Definitely like this one Devon. I think you would be better off following the natural lines for rythm though. I rewrote it into my notebook that way and it did seem to flow better. Really loved the opening. Thanks~! ________________________________________________ It did not seem to be so much the moment, a place hid from all eye's, the sound would lead you here, to my heart that beats evenly your name,
Agree with all said so far. Good poem, good thoughts, good execution; but I agree with gdhmomchild, and think the breaks should fall along more natural lines. All good though, thanks for sharing; it's been awhile since I've gotten a chance to read one of yours! It was enjoyed
