My Demi God

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Icurus, Jan 27, 2005.

  1. Icurus

    Icurus Member

    It did not seem to be so much the moment,
    a place hid from all eye's, the sound would
    lead you here, to my heart that beats evenly
    your name, a cold brown grass weighed down with frost,
    blue skies that held a single cloud, then lost to memory,
    I thought of childhood wonders that did not make sense
    then, but still a treasure awaited when it's time came, and
    it did, a right of passage, I knew the soul of another, and they
    knew me, of which I held pride inside, and respected her being,
    I worshiped her soul.......

    Devon Knight ~ / Icurus ~
     
  2. gdhmomchild

    gdhmomchild Duct tape abuser

    ~* Definitely like this one Devon. I think you would be better off following the natural lines for rythm though. I rewrote it into my notebook that way and it did seem to flow better. Really loved the opening. Thanks~!
    ________________________________________________
    It did not seem to be so much the moment,
    a place hid from all eye's, the sound would lead you here,
    to my heart that beats evenly your name,
     
  3. VanAstral

    VanAstral Member

    nice lines!
    (though the last one's a bit out there eh)
     
  4. fulmah

    fulmah Chaser of Muses

    Agree with all said so far. Good poem, good thoughts, good execution; but I agree with gdhmomchild, and think the breaks should fall along more natural lines. All good though, thanks for sharing; it's been awhile since I've gotten a chance to read one of yours! It was enjoyed :)
     

Share This Page


  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice