This is a bit of a long story but i'm hoping you will please take the time to read it and share your opinions with me. About two months ago my 16 year old sister was raped,fell pregnant and had an abortion. It's really fucked because she is so young and has been through so much already (she was sexually abused by our cousin from the age of 6-11). She decided to tell my Dad about what had recently happened (he knows about the other thing) because she wanted to be honest with him and be closer to him (our parents have been divorced for 13 years). So about a week ago she called him and told him. He said he didn't believe her because he hadn't seen how it's emotionally affected her ( he's seen her 3 times since all this and why would she show how shes really feeling if she didnt want him to know at that time) and he said if she really did get pregnant then it was probably because she was going around having sex. He called me later that night because he had to hear it from me before he believed it. I had to basically try convince him that it was true and she wouldnt lie about something like that. The next day he called me and said he now believed her and said he's call that night to talk to her. A few days later and still no call. My sister msged him and said how she was hurt but to not bother calling now. He phoned this morning and told her he believed her but it had been hard to because she's lied to him in the past (about little things like who she was at the movies with) and he implyed that he didn't believe her about when he tryed to O.D. I can't believe what an insensitive prick my dad is. How could he say such things? My sister is already very fragile and on egde (she's depressed,suicidal and cuts herself) and my dad is just adding to that. He doesn't realise what he's doing and how much more he's fucking her up. I don't think he'll ever understand, and how can he when he doesn't even believe her. He may say he does but deep down i don't think he truely does. I hate him for what he's done and what he's doing. I just can't understand why. I'll probably never get a real answer and i'll just have to accept the fact that my dad is truely a heartless bastard. How are my sister and i ever suppose to have a relationship with him again? I don't even think we should try. I feel this is too big a thing to forgive. Although i say i don't want to see or talk to him again,i know i do,as much as i wish i didn't. I'm just so confused and i don't know what to do.
Being a father is a hard job, sweetheart. It entails years and years of decision making that can ultimately mean a good life or a not-so-good-life for your children. It is the ultimate stress situation. But that is no excuse for a man berating his children and making them feel less-than. Perhaps he acts this way out of sheer frustration...or perhaps because he feels a bit helpless to aid his children in finding their way in life and he let's himself get out of contriol with you and your sister when he should really be doing what the rest of us father's do...listening carefully to what our children say and then acting out of love...not anger. Punishment, when handed out logically and with a cool, loving mind....is very effective. Punishment handed out with anger and frustration only cause more anger and frustration between everyone involved. That sort of punishment does nothing but foster resentment. It does nothing to teach a child that he or she has done wrong, and must now think about their actions and why they should refrain from repeating it. I wish I was able to sit down with you father and have a long talk with him. Perhaps he is completely unaware of the psychological damage he is inflicting on your sister. Men are somewhat left in the dark when it comes top female issues and emotions. I know that much from expwerience with my own 18 year old daughter, Kate. I still don't understand half of what she tells me when we have our regular heart-to-heart talks. But she is patient with me and does a lot of slow head-shaking with a look on her face that tells me she is just as frustrated as I am. *grin* In any case, if things progess to the point where you and your sister feel as though you are separate from your father, then you must take her into your protection and help her to develop as healthy and happy emotionally as well as physically as you are able to. That is the only course available to you if things come to a head and you and your sister are completely alienated from your father. But let's hope that never happens... Take care sweetie...and hug your sister every day. She needs you. All the best, girls!
You think your father's heartless-if I told my father I wanted to kill myself, he'd lend me his gun and make sure it was full of bullets! If anyone ever feels bad, he goes out of his way to make sure that they feel much worse before they finish talking to him, whivch is one reason I haven't spoken to him in years. Trust me, my old man invented heartlessness. I hate to say it, but I think there's a special place in hell reserved for people like him.
We get to pick our friends, but seem to be assigned to our families (whole new train of thought on that subject that I'll leave alone for now). I'm glad you are there for your sister. Sometimes we learn how to act as adults by doing things differently from our parents. I'm sorry your father is not the kind of father your sister needs right now. But at least she has a wonderful, kind, caring sibling (umm, that would be you).
So do i... wow... Western Subs suck aye Anyway, I have also been in your sisters position, although i did not confide in anyone except for my cousin... Your father, though, may not have known how to deal with this kind of information. His daughter has been hurt in a way that he may not know how to handle right now. Although he has faulted give him time to over come this and, if he does try and build a relationship with you and your sister then thats great, try not to block him off or be distant if he does try but tell him exactly how you feel. If your father feels that he doesnt want to be apart of your lives, or does not trust you, dont stress you dont need him to be around if his attitude is like that. Right now your sister needs you. Be her "shoulder to lean on" and sit her down and talk to her. Let her bring out all her frustrations and, if she is cutting herself, Let her know that it is hurting you to. She, most probably, just needs someone she can trust and knows cares about her. Good luck beautiful and always remember theres a light in every dark situation.
It's not so bad. I just moved house and i quite like my new area. There are lots of beautiful trees around here. "Your father, though, may not have known how to deal with this kind of information. His daughter has been hurt in a way that he may not know how to handle right now. "- LK1 I've had time to calm down a bit and i can see things a little clearer now. I was thinking the same thing as is quoted. I think he's in denial because it's easier for him to ignore it so he doesn't have to deal with it. I'm sure he has no clue how. I'm still angry at him but mainly because of how much he has hurt my sister. She's going councilling now so i'm hoping things will start to get better soon. Thanks to everyone who posted. You really did make me see that this will all be alright.
thats sad your bringing me down man id probly just focus on getting my sister happy again you know and maybe time would heal your hate for your dad
