My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. In the beginning, it took a lot of coaxing for me to finally want to commit to him.. I was always afraid that he'd feel more love for me that I'd ever feel for him. But, of course, I was wrong and I fell hard. I was immature, it was my first serious relationship and he treated me like I never thought anyone could ever treat me. I was in love. We've grown up a lot in that short amount of time and I've gained this closeness to him that I can't compare to anything else. But, lately, he's been... I don't know how to explain it.. but weird. For one example, I'm the kind of person who is easy to make fun of. I don't like to show my true feelings to anyone because I find it hard to trust people so it makes me an easy target for jokes because people think I'm really tough skinned. The first year or so of our relationship, my boyfriend actually stood up for me when people made fun of me, and it felt good 'cause nobody had ever really done that before. Now, he's started treating me worse than my friends ever have.. he'll take the things I'm most insecure about and poke fun at them and tell me when I'm doing something wrong. I just laugh along because I don't know what else to do. There have been a lot of changes in his personality, but the thing that bothers me most is that he's been pulling away. I'm the kind of person who likes a little PDA.. I like feeling close to him when he's around me.. but lately, he's been acting like I'm insanely clingy. It's making me wonder if I am. When I lean in for a kiss around other people he'll pull away and act like I'm being rude. And, I can't even remember the last time he told me I was beautiful. The other night, I told him that I was afraid that I was more in love with him than he was with me. He said "it's not a competition" and that if I felt like it was unhealthy maybe I should surround myself with more people (like he does.) The problem with his solution is that I'm not a people person like him. He wants me to be. I don't know.. he's just not the same person. We've been getting into petty arguments almost daily and I'm so tired of it. It's really taking a toll on my health emotionally and physically and it's made my dreams almost unbearable. He's made me think I'm doing something terribly wrong.. maybe I am? My depression has been in full swing lately. The main thing that is worrying me is that we're going to be going to college soon.. most likely different colleges.. and I don't know if our relationship will survive long distance at this point.. and it scares me shitless. I just can't bear the thought of leaving him.. he's my everything. I need to fix everything before my senior year is over. I'm sorry about this big, ugly rant.. I just have this lump in my throat and I need it to go away and this is the only place I know to get advice. I hate crying. I'm sorry if this rant doesn't make much sense.. there are so many more things I could mention but I can't bore you all with a list of the little things that are hurting me, heh. Thanks.. and sorry.
umm the way your relationship sounds currently, I don't see why you would want it to last at all, let alone long distance... but to give the boy a chance, how long has this been going on? do you remember any of the circumstances surrounding the first few instances? has he given any hint whatsoever what it could be about? could he maybe be insecure about the relationship surviving college?
I don't know. It really could be anything. He has some stress with work and school, his family is poor and he always is struggling with that in one way or another, his grandpa passed away recently, he's worried about never seeing his close friends after high school, and of course our relationship. I want to last because I love him dearly and no matter what happens between us I will always love him dearly and I know him better than anyone else. It would be so difficult just to give up on everything we've been through.
This was my thought. He's pushing you away early, so that the two of you don't have to deal with it. Or perhaps he resents you for not wanting to go to the same college he does? It could be a lot of things... you should talk to him. Ask him what's up and why he's been different. Ask him how he feels about the two of you going to college next year. Try to find out what's going on. What he's doing to you is a form of abuse, really. From all of this, I don't see anything you've done wrong. And don't let him make you feel that way. I have a male friend who does this to me. It's not fair to you.
Hm, well, I can't talk to him about it anymore. He gets really sensitive about these issues and it ends up being a huge, hurtful problem for both of us. That's what makes things really difficult.. if I talk to him about it, it just hurts more. No matter how understanding I try to be. Maybe my weakness is that I'll do anything for the guy.
Well, thanks for the advice.. it's really been getting to me for a while now. It's nice to just get it off my chest.
really, if you guys can't find some to talk it out, there's nothing much you can do.... the problem won't solve itself, you have to find someway to reach out to him, that's all you can do
Aw, this really sounds too bad. I know from experience myself how bad it can feel when you want to talk about something that bothers you and that person won't listen or talk to you about it when you bring it up. Not in a situation like this though, I wish I had the joy of an intense relationship that already last two years. I think you already know yourself it has to be solved by talking about it to eachother, since you tried to several times already. I guess the thing I would do is just don't bother him with it for awhile (maybe a week or so, but maybe even longer), so he don't feel like it's such an issue or pressure all the time and wait for a good moment to bring it up again. I'd make sure it's a really good moment, so he can't righteously act like 'why are you bothering me with this all the time/you know I don't wanna talk about it'. Since he seems like a reasonable and caring person at first I can't imagine he won't listen to your worries at some time. Otherwise, just pull his chest hair.
Stop making your love a competition. Does it really matter if you love him more? How can you measure love? You love each other, seems simple enough. I suffer from depression at times and I realize that it can be emotionally draining on my husband. When I am in a low I find ways to distract myself (gardening, meditation, going for a walk, etc) so that he won't be so weighted down with my problems. He is always there for me, but I refuse to take advantage of him. It's hard sometimes, but I feel stronger knowing that I don't need him....but want him in my life. It sounds like you really need him. Stop needing him so much, and stick to wanting him. Wanting to be with someone is so much healthier than needing to be with them. You do need to talk to him......but might want to get your thoughts straight before you do. You might want to leave out "I love you more...or....you love me more" from your conversations.... best of luck.....
I know, I know.. I really have to stop needing him and make this relationship healthier. I've kind of ended up messing a lot of things up. You know, I never thought of myself as someone who would end up needing someone to make me happy. He's addictive as hell, haha. But yeah, thanks for that advice.. this stuff is pure gold to me.
