Murder!

Hey im now 10 weeks, as with my last pregnancy the Doctor tells me I have Hyperemesis Gravidarum with out my medication I throw up every 15 minutes, and feel like I am for the rest of the time. With my first I was the same from day dot to the morning she was born. I was extremely depressed and suicidal; I couldn’t leave the house nor do anything in it and was in and out of hospital. 9 months of hell!!



So I have already been in and out of hospital and im on a combination of 5 Drugs that are class C in terms of safety for the baby. The worst thing is my little 16 month old wanting her dad more than me because I cant look after her anymore. We cannot afford the medication im on, me and my partner cannot work, and we have no family or friends any closer than 5 hours away.



So I don’t think I can have this baby I don’t want to be at 8 months like I was 18 ,months ago wanting to die because I knew their was no way out the sickness is just sole destroying.



My partner will have no part in it he says I will have to do it by myself with no help from him he calls me a murder over and over again he says that he is a vegetarian and he doesn’t believe in it, he says if I do he will never forgive me and he will never have another baby with me again.



I don’t know what to do

 

Hi, That is a tough situation. However, it is your choice and your body, and his dietary preferences have no bearing on that. It sounds like you need much more support than he is giving you, and I am not sure you would really want to have another child with him anyways (if you want anymore children at all). I know you already have a child with him, and that only makes the situation tougher. Good luck.

 

But You're sick!! Your health should take precedence over a fetus!

If your BF cannot value YOU over a pregnancy than you certainly don't want him around. No one needs that kind of selfishness dragging them down.

You have your wellbeing and wellbeing of your, already existing, child to think about.

Ditch the loser. He's made it quite clear that he cares more about DNA than he does about you.

 

Calmly explain to him, that if HE is so worried about your "being a murderer" then HE can get a second job (or a DECENT job, with health benefits) and pay for good nausea medication. WHY can't he work? Sounds like he's bullshitting you. My dh works with people in wheelchairs, people who are deaf, a dude with only one arm. I've worked with people with Cancer, and a blind womyn and people with many other disabilities. WHY can't the loser get a job?

A man who wants you to carry a pregnancy, and you are sick, and HE won't PAY to keep you healthy isn't worth keeping. Really. Does he care about YOU? Damn, this is really pissing me off. It not only isn't his body, but he won't pay for the meds which can help you, but he wants you to suffer for.......what? What in heaven's name does his being a vegetarian have to do with it.

This doesn't sound like a bad thing to me. WHY have children with a loser like this? Children need a REAL man for a daddy.

Give him an ultimatum. Pay for my meds, or I won't carry the pregnancy. Then leave his sorry ass as soon as the baby is born (if he can get his sorry ass off the couch to make enough money to get you the medication you need.) If he REFUSES to get you the Health Care you need, kick his ass to the curb, and do what YOU need to do with YOUR body. There has to be some legal action you can take to make him help take care of you, and any children. If not, go back to your people, and forget him. Is he really worth it? Someone who doesn't care about YOU and your health?

Blessings, honey. This is YOUR decision. I'm sorry, but this man sounds like Mr. Excuse making Whiner. He refuses to work,but wants YOU to risk your life, without any health care. WHY even want to have kid with a man like this? There are men who WILL work, and won't try to kill you for ridiculous reasons. What if you dehydrate, stroke out and die? How will HE take care of your daughter, with "not being able" to get a job? Honey, think. You can do better. You deserve better.

REAL men support their families.

 

If he isn't working, can't you get on Public Aid, and get a health Green Card? These are available for low income (or no income) people who need health care. I am not quite understanding what you guys are living on, if he refuses to work. There are programs, if you need health care. Even an abortion has to be paid for? Where is the money coming from?

Get rid of him, get on PA and do what YOU think is best.

Blessings.

 

I wouldn't want you to kill my baby either. I know this is a hard subject but why would he keep trying to have babies to just kill them? It sounds like he is helping with the first baby and that it is takin care of. You made it through the first time why not this time? I am with the rest about the working. Why can't he work? Anyways, its your decision, good luck.

 

*bangs head on keyboard till eyes fling from head*

No two pregnancies are the same. She developed an illness fairly recently and it's causing complications and pain during the pregnancy. It's her body, her uterus, her vajayjay. Not the boyfriend's. And last but not least, who wants to have more kids with an asshat that values his sperm donation over the health and happiness of his girlfriend and mother of his existing child?

Pfft.

 

Is it a life threating disease? or just a major discomfort for 9 months thing? I truely don't know. I understand it is her decision, I even stated it but it is not just her child she is throwing away, which I could understand would be upsetting. Just think if it was the oppisite and men got to decide if your children would be born or not. Fathers have feelings as well.

 

Yes, fathers have feelings as well. But do men know what kind of pain women can go through? No, they don't. Period cramps can leave you curled up in a fetal position for hours, even days. Losing blood during your period can make you lightheaded and dizzy, where you're shaky and feel like you're going to throw up or pass out if you move, and the pain sure doesn't help. The hormones, the emotions, that's a whole other subject. And that's just period problems. You want to try to take on a bad pregnancy?
No mother wants to have to kill her child, even if that child is a few-week-old lump of skin the size of a pencil eraser in your uterus, relying on you for food, for life. NO mother wants to HAVE to kill her child. Does this mean that it isn't sometimes necessary? No. Sometimes, it is completely necessary and rational.

The way I see it, if he's going to be like that, he isn't worth keeping around. If he can't understand, or at least TRY to understand what you're going through, he just isn't ready for it yet. If he's talking like this about you getting an abortion, how is he going to be when you can't get your medication and you're in excruciating pain, when you're a complete and utter bitch to him for the next 9 months because of the pain? If he's talking like this about you getting an abortion, he might not even stick around through those 9 months, anyway.

 

My major diss with your statements is this, Haid.

She has a child that needs her care and attention. This child ALREADY exists. And even with the guy's help, a child that young will still need her momma. And if she's suffering from severe nausea, how can she care for her child?

I agree with Maggie that this ass-hat should pay for GOOD anti-nausea. Or hon, bite the bullet and find some marijuana. :& I know it's a sucky situation, and it's pricey. But if the asshat won't get you meds, you know pot will do the trick!

 

I agree with all of the above, well all except Haid. You need to do whatever you need to do to get through the next few months. If this means aborting, then that's what you need todo. Your little girl needs you. I agree that the pot will probably do the trick for you, but DO NOT admit to your doctor that you used it. And you will have to lay off a month or so before the birth. Since you are poor and will probably need to get welfare for the birth, in most hospitals you and the babe will be tested.

As a woman who has experienced this kind of mind numbing nausea for nine solid months with all the drugs the doctors had available to them back then, I wish I had known about pot. But I was a dumb little 18 year old kid when I was pregnant with my first babe. I lost 80 pounds due to the sickness. I would eat half my breakfast (or lunch or dinner) go lose it and then come back to eat the rest just to try to get some nourishment in. It's a wonder he was born semi normal at all. In fact, who knows, that may be the root of all of his psychological problems today.

Take care of yourself and your little girl. Dump the jerk.

Kathi

 

YES. Hyperemisis Gravadarium is a VERY serious illness. It can KILL the mother, and can cause miscarraige, premature birth and birth defects in the baby. The mother can become SO dehydrated that she can actually have seizures, can have a stroke or a cardiac event. Her kidneys may shut down. Even the dehydration can kill her. This is a VERY serious disease. There are two treatments for it. Treat the nausea, while hydrating the mother, (usually with a large number of hospial stays for IV rehydration) and that doesn't always work, some mothers continue to vomit, Second treatment, Terminate the Pregnancy. This was a treatment for H.G even before Abortion was LEGAL in the USA. About a quarter to half of womyn with H. G. have to terminate. This is how serious this condition is.

"he's taking care of her." NO HE ISN'T. He refuses to provide her with the medication she needs to SURVIVE, yet threatens her with "murderer" shit, with his being a vegetarian as a lame ass excuse. (Most of the veg*ns I know are completely PROCHOICE.)

This dude has NO say in the matter. It isn't HIS kidneys which are going to shut down. The worst thing that'll happen to him, is if she keeps the pregnancy he's (OMG GASP) have to take out his checkbook and write a check every month for child support. But, MY GOD, that's more terrible than having a stroke or a baby with birth defects or a heart attack or your kidneys shutting down. Damn, lazy boy has to WRITE A CHECK OMG. Of Course, he "can't" work, so he'll probably get out of even that TINY obligation as well.

 

Okay, obviously this guy is being an asshole, but the OP didn't state why he is unable to work, so let's be a little fair about that part. It might have nothing to do with whether or not he is willing.

But other than that, I do agree with most of the other posters on this. While I personally do believe that both parents deserve say in whether or not a pregnancy is to be terminated, this is an unusual situation. That fact is that you are sick with a life threatening illness. At this point, you have the right to protect yourself whether or not he's okay with it.

 

Maggie's right, Hg can kill or seriously hurt both the mother and the child. While my second and third pregs were great, I thought that both me and my son were going to die with my first. I ended up in the hospital over and over again with severe kidney infections brought on by the constant dehydration. I had to get 14 fillings because the constant vomiting ate the enamel off my teeth. If I had had other children to take care of, I don't know what I would do. As for pot, if I could get a few hits I would usually be Ok, but the smell would often make me so sick I could not hit it.
I can't tell anyone what to do, but i know that I will NEVER go through that again, and no-one who truly loves me would want me to.

 

so if you have this illness...why were you BOTH having unprotect sex to put yourselfs in this place?

and your partner needs to get his head out of his ass the safety of you and his first child should come first.....

 

First off, how do you know that they are having unprotected sex? Both my kids were concieved using two types of birth control. Birth control fails.

and if I am correct, she wasn't diagnosed with this condition until after she got pregnant. Stuff like that happens all the time. pregnancy can trigger all kinds of nasty stuff. This is why women sorely need to have 100% autonomy and choice over their own bodies.

 

two kids from two different birth controls ....you are either extremely unlucky or really bad with instructions

 

Purple, it's very common for birth control to fail. Some people are really fertile, some times they just fail for no reason. Believe it or not, sometimes married, middle aged women have abortions for that reason. It's not just teenagers who can't figure out how to use a condom that get pregnant unplanned.

 

yes i know that the effectivness is only 85-98 percent ...depends on the type but its also user error that is also a major cause of unplanned pregnacies......no matter what age....alot of people just blame the product........thanks

 

If the effectiveness of birth control could be calculated during a woman's fertile period ONLY, I'm sure it'd be alot lower!