My husband and I have been trying so hard recently to get our finances and such together since we found out that we will be having a baby. I am 20 weeks pregnant and have come to terms with the fact that we may not be able to get the new house and car that we were wanting to have before the baby came. Instead we may have to move in with my parents to save money before any of this can happen. I feel so emotional and confused about it b/c I want to have everything together before we have the baby and at the same time I know it isn't that big of a deal. We don't have to move in with my parents it is a decision that we are making in order to get hospital bills paid and such. Right now we are living in a one bedroom apartment (very small) and I know how much extras come along with a baby and our car is not going to make it much longer. I don't know if I am so emotional about it b/c of my raging hormones but I really need some advice or some support at least. My husband doesn't seem to understand how I feel, he doesn't think that it is that big of a deal. I have never really been one to worry about what others think of me but I don't want anyone to look at us like we can't get it together or we are irreponsible for having a child right now. I know that is just b/c of my hormones but I can't stop feeling this way right now.
honey you shouldnt worry about what you do or dont have (materialism) you should be happy that your mom and dad are going to help you through the pregnancy and know that you have there support emotionaly and all. you also have your husband there for you who also loves you so much that he cant bear to see you in such a small place that he wants to move in with your parents to save up money so that when the baby is born you will have a house and a new if not better car. i know what you are going through when i was pregnant i had to drop out of high school cuz i couldnt deal with the high school drama and being pregnant. and i was living with my boyfriend and his father in a two bdrm apt that was stacked to the ceiling with random stuff and my bf and i had to sleep on the floor. i only had the emotional support from my mother and sister my boyfriend beleived that the baby in my womb was not his and he did the obvious physical stuff (took me to apts, paid all the bills so that we had a place to live) but when it came to the emotional stuff (my hormones going out of control) he would interpret it as us fighting and would refuse to be around me for days on end he refused to even feel the baby kick and his excuse was that what if i have a stillborn or what if the baby were to die after i gave birth. But through the whole labor i guess he was there i mean i dont remember cuz i was soo doped up from the drugs they gave me but thats what he says. we had a crappy car and a small 2 bedroom apt and we waited for 11 months after my son was born for a larger apartment and a better car but if we hadnt of waited we would have been homeless and pretty much screwed. so all i am trying to say is that your looking at the smaller picture you need to open your eyes up and see the larger picture and that is you are surrounded by people who love and care for you so very much and that they want to help you out in any way they can. if you ever need to talk you can pm me or email me anytime.
My hubby and I were in an EXACT mirror situation as you are last spring. We had just made a plan to finally go back to school, move to a bigger city, get a new car and a nice apartment. Once the ball was rolling, about a month and a half inot our plans, I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. Although I was excited, I also was thinking, "we have no education, all our family and friends live over 2 horus away and shitty jobs." We did everything concievable we could to try make it without moving in with parents, but littlerally EVERYTHING went through the cracks. I actually couldn't believe the bad luck we had, it was so stressful that I couldn't sleep. Our small one bedroom was old and mouldy and on top of it, our apartment manager said we had to move cuz kids weren't allowed on the top floor. But every time we tried to get a new apartment through them, something got messed up. Our credit was the shits, and no one else would take us. All signs were pointing to moving in with my mom and her finace. I was weary about it since I left home at 17 to live with my hubby (well, then bf) to get away from him. But I thought that since we'd been getting along great for the past 2 years, it was worth a try. My mom also happened to work at an upgrading college and we decided that it was best for us to move up there to pay off our bills for a few months, apply for a government grant and get our butts back in school. I'm happy to say that we're both students now. BUT, we also had a plan to live at my mom's for 2 years, and we barely made it one year. My mom and I would spend hours on the phone before, and now, we fight about everything. The biggest problem is trying to raise my daughter around her when our parenting styles are complete opposites. It is hard to live with in laws and parents when you have a family of your own. I personally found that I feel like I'm still a 16 year old having to ask my mommy for permission to go out or do anything. So, we're moving again....back into a one bedroom place. It's bigger than our old one, but it's still not too much different. We found that it's really not going to be that bad. I mean, at my mom's, we all share the bedroom, it's not going to be any different here. By the time Leane is going to want her own room, we'll be moving again anyway to the next universities we have to go to. Honestly, now that I look back on it, I'm glad that we got the oppertunity to pay off some of our debts and I was closer to family when I was high pregnant, but it can also put a HUGE strain on your marriage and your relationship with your parents. I don't think that it's too bad if it's only temporary for a few months. But anything longer than a year can be deadly. So look at your options. It seems like you need all this extra room for babies, but a lot of it you really don't need. We personally cosleep with Leane...the crib is nice, but it's not a necessity. A change table is nice in a small place for storage, but not needed as well. Babies don't take up as much room as they seem they're going to. You'll be just fine in a one bedroom for a while. I just find that once the kids start expressing their interest in their own room, it's time to move, but that won't usually happen until they're about 2-4 years old. So that buys you some time. As for financials, if you really would be able to save some money in a short amount of time at your parents, then do what you gotta go. But if you go the breastfeeding, cloth daipering route, your baby isn't going to cost you an arm and a leg in the first months, anyway, so it's still possible to save while in your own place. I hope I helped a little....kinda seems like a lot of babbling now that I look at it, lol! Keep us posted!
I lived at home when I found out I was pregnant, and my hubby (boyfriend at the time) moved in there with me so we could save up some money. It really wasn't all that bad, but I had never lived out on my own before, so it wasn't like I had to move in there or anything. It was nice when I had the baby because there was always someone there to watch her while I jumped in the shower or something. We stayed there until my daughter was 9 months old and then we got our own 2 bedroom place. Now that I'm pregnant again we want to upgrade to a 3 bedroom house, but we just can't afford it right now. Sometimes it seems like the sacrifices you have to make are huge, but like fallenfairy said, you have to look at the larger picture. In the end it will all be worth it, and be grateful that you have parents there to help you out when you need it. It will all work out
