I posted this as a reply to another thread but then thought it might get seen by more on its own and I really need advice as well I want to pass along my experience to other so they can make informed decisions about trying molly or not: My husband and I tried molly/mdma for the first time a couple years ago, we coupled it with viagra every time so he could get an erection since molly made that impossible and let me tell you that these nights were the best thing I've ever felt in my life. We would buy a couple grams of molly and a couple ounces of weed and our night would start. Alone, no clubs, no friends, no alcohol just me,him, molly and weed. My feelings for molly are now mixed because of the immense, unsurpassed pleasure we've experienced on those nights and my now lack of desire for regular sex! Molly coupled with my husband has shown me pleasure that only existed in my wildest dreams! He just devours me for hours and hours, I'm talking our record is a solid 24 hours of sex! With the viagra in him he has learned to stay hard on molly and not cum while we go at it for generally 12-18 hours when do this. We'll touch and caress, hold each other as tight as possible, he will slide inside of every part of me that he can for hours open hours until sometimes it's hard for me to close my legs they've been open for so long and my throat is raw and I still want more! What we do is go at it for maybe 2-3 straight hours and then head into the bathroom and sit on the floor on blankets for a break which consists of maybe an hour of smoking weed, talking, cooling off, hydrating with water and gatorade and then back the bed for another 2-3 hours of him inside me and we repeat this same process over and over until before we know it 12-24 hours is gone and we're still begging for more! We've done this a few times a month for the past two years. We've been together since we were 15, we're 39 now and we've always had an amazing and exciting sex life anyway but found ourselves struggling to recover from some problems for the past several years. Molly has helped us both open up, sort out deep rooted things and find a way to move past some pretty intense problems. I will say that without the help of molly we probably would have divorced. The deep, emotion and intense things we've been able to talk about on these nights is something that 10 years of one on one with the best therapist in the world would not have done, it's been miraculous to say the least. I mean we've literally had the most romantic, sexiest moments talking to each other gently about certain things while he's inside me for hours. He had an affair before all this and I was able to hear about it, ask questions and get answers all while being comforted with him holding, caressing, and deep inside me. It allowed us to figure out why the affair happened, helped me to cope and us to give each other attention we hadn't for a long time. My problem? Well my husband can hardly get an erection on his own now in between these sessions and our sex life had become almost non-existent in between because we'd get our fill a couple to several times a month of these 12-24 hour sessions of magical, dream like making love and neither of us really desired regular sex too much and when we do it's over in like 5 minutes when before molly we'd go .5 - 1.5 hours each time we were together a few times week at least! It's not that making love doesn't feel good without it, I love it that way too, I love him just as much but now that I've had this devour me, can't get enough of me, can't tell me enough how much he loves me, love making for hours on end....normal 5-15 minute love making sessions just leave me frustrated longing for more and more like I've become used to on molly nights. My husband read about the long term damage molly does to the brain etc and now he wants to stay away from it for about a year to allow his parts to become normal again, we find that a month or so without it and he's starting to be able to get hard like he used to, get morning wood again etc. so he wants to stay away from it for a while. I don't feel that way. I feel frustrated, and panicked at the thought of not being able to be that way with him for a year, I can't stop thinking about it. I mean if I could put into words the way it feels, like nothing else ever has or I'm sure ever will! The intense feelings of desire stronger than when you just start having sex with someone for the first time and you can't get enough of them, stronger and better than most people have felt in their wildest dreams, this I'm sure of. So I say to all the people who have wondered if their sex life will be ruined after a night of having it on MDMA if you are doing it with a person you're madly in love with, the answer is YES! It's like opening Pandora's box. Once you experience this with someone you're madly in love with, trust me you will NEVER feel anything better, you can never go back. Though it's fixed problems I've had since childhood that nothing helped me conquer, I would say don't take a bite of the apple. I used to get so excited over just a normal night we planned on making love now I just feel mad at him that he can't go that long, doesn't devour me like he's never wanted anything more, doesn't whisper how beautiful I am and how good I feel, or pull me so tight it's like he never wants to let go. It's just normal love making and I miss the way he makes me feel on those nights so badly that I want to cry on a regular basis because it has to go away. I do not have an addictive personality, not cigarettes, not alcohol, not shopping, not anything have I ever had this problem with in my life! I could walk away from anything and not care but this has a grip like the devil on me, the pleasure it has given me is just too much that nothing will ever compare. I spent my entire life free of drugs I had never even so much as tried weed until I was 32 and now I feel like some kind of loser who is addicted to the feeling I get from my husband when we are bonding and making love on molly. It's not the molly...for instance I have no desire to do it without him, it's the way he treats me and the way we make each other feel when on it. My advice for anyone is it may save your marriage, yes it may heal your emotional problems that you've never been able to conquer and if you're head over heals in love with the person you're doing it with, trust me it will amplify everything about that love a million times, you will never experience anything like it. I mean I want him so bad that I actually want to drink him dry when we're like that because the love and desire to be close is great! So you have this to look forward to, but in exchange be ready to give up any magic that making love has ever given you because you'll never be able to compare to what you'll go through on molly. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am terrified I will never really enjoy normal love making again and always just be longing for that beyond dreams magic I have on those nights.
It sounds here like the issue is not the MDMA per se but rather that, unless he's on it, your husband is simply not doing a good job in bed. It seems you are unwilling to go back to subpar, passionless sex. These are skills that can be taught, including the emotional passion which would inspire him to "devour" you and to tell you how beautiful you are, etc. This is a state of mind he can get to without MDMA. Go back to basics with foreplay, have a romantic candle lit bath, stop planning sex, extend the teasing the flirting greatly before you do any kind of sexual touching, and most of all communicate with him all these feelings and desires and love.
This is a common problem. It is very easy to be 100% in the moment when your rolling. And when your sober again it is hard to be that way. After my first time I felt depressed not because of the chemical but because I wanted that nirvana all the time. It is hard to be sober and have to work harder to be happy. So I had to figure out how to take that feeling and bring it into my everyday life. I have also rolled with my girlfriend but we don't have much sex on it. We usually end up talking or doing some activity together. But I know what you mean, she can be REALLY in the mood. Since I don't take Viagra I am out of commission. For her I have done it, and yeah I liked it. But sex is never a priority for me personally when rolling. I don't have a problem with erections after use but I am also younger then 39, so maybe age is a factor. I don't know your husband but I have no desire to chat on my gf. There are many cases of people thinking a relationship is great when on MDMA but when you sober up the same problems are there. It can help with relationship troubles but I would not say it is a guarantee. Sounds like your husband still might not be happy so he is not giving you enough attention which any lady is going to notice. You do have to be realistic about the difference between MDMA sex and normal sex but he also needs to bring some of the lessons into sober life. He had a reason to cheat on you and maybe that reason is still there. People change allot from when they are 15. You need to be honest about these feelings with him. And he should want to do something about it.
I had thought that sober sex not being as enjoyable as after having sex on MDMA kind of resided in the realm of myth but your explanation certainly makes me understand how this could potentially happen. Not to make light of your issues but I must say a lot of your post really makes me want to have sex on MDMA again. I have had sex a few times on MDMA in a FWB situation and I agree that it's absolutely amazing and with increased bonding and connection it is spiritual in a sense. I also don't need the aid of viagra to reach orgasm on MDMA which is good. It's good to hear that MDMA has allowed you to open up on communication and touch on issues you may have not faced otherwise. Not to exonerate the effect that MDMA may have had to the subsequent subpar sober sex life but I've read that recreational viagra can also cause issues in the sex life when someone is not on it. So I think this combination of an empathic framework and bonding elicited by the MDMA as well as the freepass erections which Viagra elicits, probably creates a conditioned response of unrealistic expectations in your sober sex life. Channeling some of the openness and empathic qualities from the MDMA experience into your sober life and working on some of the issues without the drug(s) would be good.
or my girlfriend and I, MDMA has always amplified our sexual experience. She is now able to have multiple, screaming orgasms while rolling! Even without dropping we still have intense sex...could be we just have amazing chemistry, but we limit rolling to no more than once every 1-2 months. The Molly amps you up, so you're not going to walk around the trance club with a hardon, but after the peak, look out!! ...And the next day is always HOT!! The key is not to overdose...My girl and I know our body's, and don't abuse the MDMA. But, yes....i understand EXACTLY what you mean..the emotional and physical intensity is beyond belief!!
Thank you everyone, your responses have been heartfelt and kind! I know I have a lot to sort out, I think maybe now I'm starting to see and face things that I've been I denial about for years! With the MDMA the barriers that have been created over the years are gone, with it, my body or extra weight isn't an issue, feelings that have been hurt from years of pain we've caused each other doesn't exist allowing us to be left with only the love and desire we had when we first met to remain. It allows him to show me desire, passion and tenderness that he really can't or doesn't have for me most normal times. Truthfully passion in the bedroom has mostly been one sided a good majority of our relationship me being the one that desires and shows passion for him and not really ever the other way around. Mostly he's spent our relationship unhappy with my body etc. he told me to give him sometime and he'll be better for me.
