Well I took another exam last night. The entire day from the moment I woke up Ive never felt worse. I felt helpless and hopeless. Like no matter what I knew or what I was going to do I was going to fail. A couple of times I just sat at my desk terrified. And I really mean terrified. There is nothing else that would have been worse than that exam that night. I just cant describe how badly I feared this thing even with tons of studying. During the exam I just paniced. I flipped between the questions as soon as I couldnt get something. Like every 15seconds. I was just terrified of getting stuck and not finishing I just wanted to get some points if maybe I knew something more on something else. I dont think I did good at all. I just couldnt think. There are two things that I really love in my life my family and my internship . I have a lot of friends there, I love my job, I even get paid to do all that. I fell like I might be losing that internship. Im so afraid that I wont be able to go back. How I would tell my boss. My family that is so proud of my hardwork and the job I have. Its not from lack of work or anything else it feels like shit luck. Which makes it worse. No matter how hard I try I feel like im gonna be screwed. I feel so helpless. I want to be an engineer but I feel like I cant. Its the one thing that I want and I feel if I spent 24/7 studying i still couldnt. I've had thoughts of suicide. Im not going to do it I have no plans or anythign of the such. Whatever happens I atleast have my family. Even if they were to go I would always find away to make it its just part of me. But its just a relaxing thought knowing it would all go away. During my econ class today I was pretty much crying. Than after another class I felt like I would be fine and just needed to work for the next thing. Later I might feel terrible again. I just dont know