Hello all. First post. I wanted find a site to ask objective folks about something weight on my mind and I'd appreciate any advice or information/experiences about dealing with a wife in a midlife crisis. I am very aware of the risk factors for a cheating spouse in a midlife crisis. My wife's depression exploded about a month ago and she has been a completely differ t person since. She needed a friend after being locked up for almost seven yrs with three children, she gave up friends, work and free time when we moved (I'm military) add lots of marriage drama for the level years and I get why she is going thru this. At first I had the huge crushing anxiety that she would cheat. She had only secretly messaged one guy right up front at the beginning and I found out. I won't say how I know but I know she did not maintain communication. However the whole thing staggered me. She has found a new best friend who is a neighbor and they frequently drink all night me oarty at clubs. This friend is a swinger and that is such a foreign concept to my wife, she is curious about it and has talked to her a lot about that. I was my wife to feel good about herself and confident in her body. I want her happy and I want to be sane. I've gotten so stressed out sometimes since this started, I have panic attacks. The other night I collected myself from all the wohrry over cheating and I finally just sat down and we had one of the most honest conversations we've ever had. I flirted with the swinger topic but the way I asked about her friend's lifestyle led to me asking if she was interested in that now. She seemed receptive and admitted she liked the attention going out, dressing up etc got her. We danced around the swinger topic without ever saying it and I laid a series of ground rules were she to try that out or desire to try it out. Again the manner the topic was discussed, and her receptive response makes it seem as though she has considered it and that she and I understood that we were both talking about the same thing. However in the aftermath I feel weird bc it was never explicitly said that we were discussing her swinging. Should I directly ask if she wants to do that? How do I ask? How do I deal with it? Part of that is hot to me. The idea of her being sexual (she's always been ultra conservative with sex until recently). Is hot, but Instill feel pretty weird about that idea actually going thru Do I tell her that I find it a little hot? Has anyone here recovered from a midlife crisis? I'll listen to anyone, but the female perspective would be greatly appreciated. Thanks up from for any help
We had a somewhat similar experience though I don't think anything like as tough as yours. After our daughter was born (she's know fifteen) her welfare became of paramount importance and next most important was our work and during her pre teen years I worked very hard. Our sex life and life as a couple fell into the background perhaps we made love four or five times a month. This was not enough for either of us but neither of us knew quite what to say. We became (without quite realising it) quite unhappy. Just over three years ago I almost had an affair. The woman was a girlfriend from many years ago who was very unhappy with the lack of sex with her husband and basically fucked around a lot. This was a real turn on for me; a woman whose desire for sex was so strong that she took so many risks. Anyway, I confessed to my wife before anything apart from a one social meeting and a little internet chat and it set us talking. It became apparent that my wife was a sexually frustrated as me and wanted sex as much as I did (even more). It so happened that at the time this happened our daughter was away, so we had a lot of sex and lots of conversation. We had done a little swinging before our daughter was born and my wife is bisexual. She wanted to meet people (especially women) for casual sex and wanted group sex again, something I thought we'd never do again. Well, we do occasionally play with others; not often, it's not easy to find the people or time. I wouldn't say swinging is at all the answer unless you are both excited by it. I suggest the answer lies in putting your life as a couple (particularly your sex life) as an equally important part of your life as your work and your children, The latter two things probably claim more urgency but do not neglect yourselves. We make a point of spending an hour together talking or just watching Captain Picard and letting our daughter do her own thing. We try to make love every night and that means caresses and kisses every night which often lead to more. We are much more content and our daughter (and work) are fine too. It is tough looking after children and they do take your prior attention but you must not neglect yourselves and you have to be selfish at times. The children will be fine. Your circumstances seem difficult but things do change, it does get easier.
For us it was me who wanted sex with other women. I was the only man my wife ever had any kind of sex with and she never showed an interest in other men. One night our best friends asked us to wife swap and I left it up to my wife and she said yes. She hated sex with our friends and said she never wanted to do it again. I cannot get her to have sex with another man now. However, she knew that I needed other women so she started asking her single friends to join us in bed. Long story short, we ended up with her best friend moving in with us and being in our marriage for the next 30 years. This lasted until a few years after both of them went through menopause and then we moved out of State and our girlfriend could not join us due to reasons beyond her control. We have been monogamous for the last 7 years and it sucks. We had a few thousand threesomes and I really missed not having two women in bed as did my wife miss having both a male and female to play with. We basically got bored with our sex life in our late 20's and found a way to spice it up and share our love with a another woman. It was fantastic. Not a single problem and no jealousy. I had full access to both of them at one time and one on one. In fact, due to my high libido my wife was glad to have our girlfriend take care of me. I hit the marriage lottery when I got married. My life has been better than my best dream when I was younger. Now we are in our sixties and monogamy suites us better since we have medical issues and lower libidos. Plus too many wrinkles in bed along with artificial hips, knees and teeth, do not make for a crazy sex night.
I have had a threesome with two women. Before I did this it was a huge dream like most men, but the best part was how much my girlfriend loved the attention. After the girl would leave we would have awesome sex.We broke up after a couple years. I'm older now and dying to have sex with a couple, women love the attention. I have had a couple couple's ask me but the timing never worked out, It is now my huge fantasy to help some guy pleasure his wife/girlfriend. And I am older and love older women
