Meta

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by shaman sun, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. shaman sun

    shaman sun Member

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    Stuffed the fat until the crease

    Couldn’t eat another leaf

    And when the evening comes to bear

    Silky covers do weave with care,

    Stiffened legs and hardened soul,

    From which the wings of flight may grow

    The end of dusk comes dark night,

    Caterpillar finds wings of flight.


    Slowly as the dawn would come,

    Caterpillar age was done

    And in place, the meta soul,

    Greets the sun so colorful.

    What secret has this butterfly?

    To be reborn it had to die

    The secret that the flowers keep,

    From stems to leaves, flowers they reap.


    Cover they, in spring of Earth,

    Herald another meta birth,


    The eyes of humans weep and cry,

    But do they know their soul will fly?
     
  2. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

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    the last two lines (esp.) make me think of the mystical poetry of William Blake.
     
  3. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

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    It does kinda sound like William Blake.

    That's not a good thing though.
     
  4. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

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  5. BraveSirRubin

    BraveSirRubin Members

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    Lots of very, very, very forced rhymes that sound completely unnatural.
     
  6. isoisidorus

    isoisidorus Member

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    i was thinking of W.B.
     
  7. caliente

    caliente Senior Member

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    Your metamorphosis theme is a potentially very powerful one, but I think you need one or two unexpected observations in there, something that hasn't been said before, something to jolt the reader a little bit and make us think. Maybe your last two lines could be the basis for one, I don't know.

    And personally, I would give up on the rhyming.
     
  8. zombiewolf

    zombiewolf Senior Member

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    Ouch! :eek: :p
     
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