Men's Mind

I decided to post this to see the thought of other women on this subject..

My boyfriend/lover is no doubt a great guy within...but a particular thing he brings up truly does bother me. And it seems like its kind of an often thing. Every while and again hell talk about fucking other girls, or how was was extremely attracted to a certain girl (present or past memory), etc... It really gets to me and I end up thinking about it endlessly and feeling negative towards him. Ive definately expressed this to him before, but its like he doesnt care, doesnt get it...or wants me to feel a certain way, I dont really know..

Anyways.... Is this normal for guys to do? Because I rather hope not... I accept the fact that we as humans are attracted to other individuals...but I want to know why he feels the need to bring it up to me in particular...what good would come of it? So frustrating.

 

it's, yeah, pretty common if not totally normal. It really depends on how far he goes with it. The occasional "gee she's hot" really shouldn't bug you too much, because it's -you- he's choosing to be with. Going into great detail over what makes her attractive is, well, not terribly respectful

have you let him know that it's something that bothers you at all?

 

Yeah, if he does it tons or goes into detail, that's irritating.Tell him again how dense and annoying that is.

 

Either he's trying to impress you (by talking about past sexual conquests) or make you jealous (by talking about other women in front of you).

However, personally I like it if I can admit when I think another woman is beautiful to the girl I'm with without her getting jealous. I wouldn't try to rub it in her face or make her feel bad about herself in any way, but I do like to at least acknowledge beauty when I see it. (whether in people or anything)

 

An addendum to what I just posted - I went back and read your post again and thought about things I have felt in the past and more than anything I think he's just trying to impress you. This might seem baffling to you, since obviously you are not impressed, but let me explain.

There's a certain amount of pressure on guys/men in our society to be go-getters of women, and it is very easy for a guy to feel insecure if he doesn't feel like he's gotten enough of them. I know I have felt this way, and it automatically leads to the conclusion: "Something's wrong with me. What the hell is wrong with me?" From there it becomes an irrational attempt to prove to others that you have indeed had sexual conquests, or else they will think the same thing you do - that something's wrong with you.

In the end, what he really needs to know is that you want him how he is and he doesn't need to impress you. If you don't actually want him, then spare yourselves both a lot of pain and just leave now.

 

He could be trying to be honest with you, and open about his feelings when he was in past relationships.

 

or maybe hes just being a rude prick like my boyfriend. I dont need to hear that shit, I dont give a shit about what her twat felt like, or how he loved her great ass, or how drop dead gorgeous some chick he nailed was.... he shouldnt even be thinking about it!!!

 

How old is he?

 

what are his comments exactly?

i think both sexes commonly make comments about peope they find attractive. Comments about people he's been with are troubling, though.

 

Hes nineteen.

I think that the 'trying to impress me' actually makes sense. Id have to talk to him about that...and it doesnt make me feel so weird when I actually know what his purpose his I suppose...

A few times hes gone into detail about what he likes and how it made him feel. Maybe he just truly wants to express himself to me...

 

Caitlin... it's normal for guys to think about stuff like that, I think... but, it's RUDE to bring it up to your S.O.

I think you need to tell him that you realize that he's human, and he's going to think about other girls sometimes...but that you just don't really care to hear about it.

If you can't talk about things like this with him, then you have nothing, in my opinion.

What he's doing is just disrespectful. He might think about this stuff, and that's fine, but he does not need to telling you about it. And it's asinine of him to do so... I wouldn't put up with it.

P.S. I noticed, often times.... my other girl friends, won't mention things like this to their boyfriends because they don't want to seem selfish, or like a jealous girl... but that's bull. If your guy ends up thinking you're selfish or jealous, then he's not very understanding, or careful of your feelings in my opinion. My boyfriend can be a real jackass, just like they all can sometimes... but I've NEVER had an issue talking to him about things like this. He's never gotten mad at me for it, or ended up thinking I was being absurd...he accepted it, and worked on not doing whatever it was he was doing to make me feel that way.

If your boyfriend can't realize it's disrespectful, then I say..get rid of him. Sorry, that's just how I feel.

 

I agree with you apples and oranjes, about the not having to put up with somone disrespectful. And I have voiced my opinion abou tit many times, its just I get tired of having the fight, because I feel like he doesnt listen.....yeah

 

my ex boyfriend would talk openly about his exes, and at first I was ok with it cos it's obvious that he's been with other people before me, so i wasnt expecting to be the one and only...but when he got too explicit, i told him i didnt want to hear about other people bacause it wasnt necessary. I dont think it's a need to talk about the past, especially if you are happy with what you have now let him know that it bothers you, he should be able to understand.

 

yeah, there is such a thing as a little too much information. That line is different for everyone


Personally, i have no problem acknowledging that someone else is beautiful. I just dont' want to hear about how someone was in bed (ie the sex was amazing... erm, good to know I guess but, kinda makes me feel like I know have more to live up to than I previously did)

and A+O, I agree it's rude -if- the other person in the relationship is uncomfortable or offended by it. If it's ok with both people, it's not at all rude.

to the OP, talk it out with your guy, let him know it makes you uncomfortable and ask if he can stop doing it as much - not necessarily stop all comments, but tone it down a little, just mention it less

 

Yea, its sad but true, and I only saw this around men here in America, even my TA does this and I am a guy myself and it disturbs me because thats not what he is there for doing, he is supposed to teach us, not divert our attention, to mention something like that.

 

So, I brought it up in the nicest calmest manner I could, and he basically told me to fuck off. :& so I guess..it doesnt matter...thanks for the replies guys

 

See, that's the whole thing.

Thinking about other women - common
Talking about them to a girlfriend - quickly learned Not To Be Done
"An old girlfriend taught me this" - hard to learn how to phrase.

But your situation is his telling you to fuck off when you ask him to not discuss something with him. It sounds like he doesn't care what you think or feel.

 

This whole thing isnt even a quarter of why all this is happening...

Its ridiculous cause we went through so much... Its not like Me or her are at fault,

She always pulls the guilt trip on me. Most of the time when she gets really offended, its not my intention, im really not trying to provoke her..

and then when it does upset her, you shoudl see how far she goes.

One night she insulted me for hours literally, then eventually she said she "loves me" and "cares about me" and foolish as i was, i accepted back into my bed..

This has gone on for far too long...

 

It sounds like the two of you need to decide if it has.

 

sounds like something best kept to private discussions or pm's