Last month I have started a relationship of sorts with this guy I've know for years. We've had sex a couple times already. He's married, I'm not. He wants me and his wife to become friends so we don't have to sneak around on her. I'm ok with that she's not. He's got me training to be his sub and I love it so far. We have talked about what type of relationship we are reaching for and we both seem ok with it but every now and then without any warning he throws out the phrase "You're not my girlfriend." Or he will tell me that he loves me but only as a friend. I don't even act like a girlfriend does. I have told him I don't want to be his girlfriend just his sub. (The Dom/sub relationship is just for pleasure only.)I don't do the commitment, your the only one for me thing. I like variety in my men and my pleasure. Is he trying to remind himself or what when he says those things? Very confused. I've even thought about calling it quits on the sub sex thing just so I will know whats going on. I have complete and total trust in the man. Other than telling him that I don't want to be anything but his play toy and friend when he says stuff like that, what else can I do?
He wants more than you want out of it. He wants to make you sister-wife or wife number two. He is in his own little world trying to bring you both into this fantasy that suits no one but himself. That is what I see from what you're mentioning. I've seen this lots before. I would say eventually, he's going to realize you are not what he thought you were, wants to mold you into being, or he is not communicating completely what he wants and thinks he can bend you both the way he wants to bend you. I'd break things off now...these miscommunications are likely to get much, much worse.
^this And I'd like to add the possibility he doesn't understand the Dom/sub relationship but he doesn't say anything because he's not going to endanger his pussy supply. Your going to have to spell out that this is only a physical relationship and if feelings are getting involved that it's over.
Thank you both for the advice. I think I will have a serious sit down, clothes on talk with him tomorrow. The sex is good but I can NOT be a girlfriend. If he cannot keep it just for fun I will have to find another who will. Maybe I'll try for another Dominant. Again thanks Usedtobehoney and Monkjr.
Or, maybe the dude is just repeating himself so that you fully understand the boundaries of the 'relationship'. I've been with at least a dozen women who claimed to just want FWB, some even initiating that conversation, but secretly wanted a full on boyfriend girlfriend relationship. They pretended to want a casual sex arrangement, thinking that I would eventually fall for them and "sweep them off their feet." Then a couple of months later, all of the sudden I'm painted as some giant asshole because I don't want to take it any further. Maybe this guy has had similar experiences and is just reiterating what he wants out of the relationship because a lot of women think we're talking in some kind of code when we say that we just want sex.
It took quite a bit of convincing my FWB to make him believe I'm in it for fun. Our discussions would always be AFTER sex. He would keep insisting that "this is not a relationship". He would even pick fights over the whole issue. There were a few times we went a few months though, but then eventually got back together. We're a year into it now, and seems we have found a very comfortable balance. (Truth be told....I think he was trying to convince himself of his own feelings, but that is another topic.) Men are so used to girls being needy for something more. Generally, there is some statistical truth to that. Therefore, it makes it a bit tougher for those of us that are pragmatic about the whole arrangement. Just keep it as light hearted and fun as you can. Don't worry about any lapses of seeing him. Eventually he'll come back around.
Well I spoke to him and he said he's just reminding me of our relationship boundries. I reminded him that I've been in a FWB relationship with another man for over 10 years so I understand the limits. Then he said that he loved me as his best friend and that I'm his and asked if I would stop seeing my other friend so I could be available to him more. I said no of course. I'm thinking that I may have to just end it and move on to another. Thank you to everyone who has given advice and shared their thoughts.
Don't throw me in the same category as this cheating weirdo because I also have a penis now. Furthermore no you're not like most girlfriends because most girlfriends boyfriends don't have wives.
First, This topic makes no sense to me... How are we even remotely confusing? You lucky ones, get the looks, the lust, and loads of other good stuff. But there is a lot of negatives, like many females are lonely because nobody want's to ask them out due to fear of rejection, but if you are pretty and/or a good person, then you have far more dominance over us. How do you think that makes us feel? I don't like it to be honest. Second, What kind of sick creep has a spouse and dates other people at the same time?
