Men and Pregnancy

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by DancerAnnie, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    How did the man in your life that you were having a baby with react to the news?

    Good? Bad? Nervous? Excited?

    If he was nervous or uneasy about it, how long did it take to get over it?

    Stories please!
     
  2. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    My husband was overjoyed! He was jumping up and down, and ran to call his family to let them know. The next day he came home from work with a little Bob Marley onesie.

    I reacted by panicing about my ability to be a mother... I had the whole "I am too fucked up to be someone's mom" mindset. But in a couple days I started being excited too.
     
  3. hippychickmommy

    hippychickmommy Sugar and Spice

    Well with our first pregnancy (the one I told you about), my husband was absolutely terrified. We were much younger though, and it had not been expected.

    Our second pregnancy, which resulted in our oldest son, he was excited, but nervous at the same time. His main concerns were financial. But he was very supportive, and was even the one who made ME go to Lamaze classes with him!

    Our third pregnancy, he didn't seem all that excited when I told him the news. He was shocked that it had happened so quickly. It was like, we both agreed that we were ready and wanted to try for another baby, did the deed the next morning (I was ovulating) and got pregnant just like that. But, we ended up miscarrying early on.

    Our fourth pregnancy, he was excited, but cautious. When we found out it was twins, he was totally blown away, but he was the more grounded one between the two of us about the whole situation. I was pretty freaked out to learn we were having not one, but two babies, and he was more laid back about it. More positive. And proud as heck!
     
  4. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    croix and noah's dad was an absolute asshole but we won't get into that. When I was pregnant with Riley my hubby was so happy. I was sooo scared of getting a bad reaction but he was great. She was unplanned and he was still in college about to go back. The day before he had been in a horrible accident and destroyed our mini van. We had also just found out that my job screwed me(they didn't give me the raise they promised when I was promoted) and I couldn't afford the apartment I was suppose to be moving into so that was no longer an option(so now we where going to be an hour and 1/2 away from each other). We were spending the last of our money on a hotel to have somewhere to live. I cried and cried and cried then finally told him. I think he cried too but was sooo happy and excited. We stayed nervous probably up until the day she was born. He assured me we could do it and here we are... Our daughter is now a year old, hes out of college, we have our own place and better vehicles. I couldn't ask for a better happier life and family. :)
     
  5. jgirl

    jgirl Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    My son is 4 years old, and his older son is 14...I'm still waiting for him to get over it.
     
  6. Advaya

    Advaya Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    Annie, are you expecting?!?! :)
     
  7. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Yeah...and the father is not happy...although very supportive of my decision to have the child. He says he's not ready and sometimes hints around the fact that I should not have this child, which makes me question my decision. It's really difficult to deal with the fact that he's just not excited and I know how he really feels.

    It's a really crazy situation...the fact that he lives two thousand miles away. He says he doesn't want the child, but since I chose to keep him/her he's going to be there for him/her and for me. But everytime I talk to him about the child, he's just so unhappy about it.

    Any advice?
     
  8. shaina

    shaina No War Know Peace

    my advice: do what makes you happy, even if its not what makes him happy. cause if you do something you regret you will always think about the What ifs whether that be not having the baby or having it.
     
  9. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    ditch him and make you and your baby happy and healthy. If he is worth it he will come crawling back apoligizing. Sometimes men just have to see they have a child to love/want them. But don't ever let him make you second guess yourself. I regret so bad any second thoughts I had from some jerk poisoning my thoughts of my babies. I should have let go more with the first two and just enjoyed my pregnancy. I'm here if you want to talk ever.
     
  10. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    Thank you...and that's what I'm trying my best to do. Take care of myself and the little one inside of me. I'm so excited and anxious to take this next journey in my life. Frankly, if he doesn't feel the same...then, you are right, he's not worth it...but who am I to take his right as a father away? I guess that's where I keep catching myself...
     
  11. saltydog.

    saltydog. Member

    congrats on your pregnancy! you are about to enter the most insane ride of your life! when i told my son's father that he was going to be a dad, he freaked out. he was all over the place for the better part of my pregnancy. one minute he was "ok" with having a baby, the next moment he hated my guts for not aborting. he is the type of guy who never thought about having a family, never wanted kids. ever. around christmas time things changed. i was in my 8th month of pregnancy and he decided he wanted to be involved. i am not sure what happened or what changed in him but something did. maybe it was that things were becoming more real as my belly grew bigger? i can't really say. but he is in our lives now. he loves his son more than anything and thanks me all the time for not listening to him and having him. i honestly never in a million years thought he would come around, but he did. i will never forget the look in his eyes when he saw elliot for the first time.

    best thing YOU can do, is listen to your heart and do what you need for you and that baby. he may come around and he may not. sometimes it takes a while for guys. they aren't as connected as we are, they don't feel the changes in their bodies. they don't feel their belly grow and the baby move.

    personally, i wouldn't try to take his rights away or anything like that. unless of course he is a danger to the child. even though my boyfriend was a total jerk to me during my pregnancy, i always kept a line of communication open with him. i still made attempts to let him know about things, like dr's appointments and such.

    i hope everything works out for you!
     
  12. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    don't take his rights away but let him see you dont care what he does because YOUR happy about this desicision! Be completely indifferent about it and let him have time to think about it. The second feelings arent involved he'll probably think clearer. Men seem to be really freaked out by our pregnancy hormones, lol.
     
  13. moon_flower

    moon_flower Banned

    My boyfriend was devastated when I told him. He told me I was ruining our lives and that since it wasn't really a baby yet that I should abort. Little did either of us know that I was already 3 months pregnant. I thought about it once or twice, maybe it'd make it easier, and he'd stop being such an ass, but in the end, I decided my feelings on the matter override his, since I'd be the one having the abortion. I absolutely did not want to abort my baby, but when you hear day in and day out just what a mistake you're making and how badly you're ruining someone elses life, it passes through your mind.
    He was cruel and mean to me until I was about 7 months pregnant. Then, one day we were at Wal-Mart getting camping stuff and he grabbed me and held me close and told me he was falling for me and he wanted to make me and Alexis happy and he didn't want to lose us. (We were together only about a month and a half when I got pregnant.) From there, everything just kinda panned out.
    The other day we were all lying in bed together and he looked at her and was like "To think, I didn't even want that precious little girl, and now I can't imagine life without her."
    It just took him time. He's one of those 'can't-tie-me-down' type guys. It has really surprised me that we've been together this long. But, it was worth sticking around. He loves his little girl, I know. And, though he hasn't really been mature about the whole thing until just recently, he's still a good dad.
     
  14. Krsna Bhakti

    Krsna Bhakti d-_-b JAMMING

    I was more than excited, I felt like I had a real purpose in life and finally felt good about myself, that I was going to shape up and be responsible. Now being single father it is difficult, and Jacks mom was very confused about wether or not she wanted to have him, but she eventually (obviously) went with the right decision. I would love to have more children someday, only this time, hopefully with the right girl :)
    And congratulations Annie, I do really hope this works out for you, Im sure it will you seem like a very nice person. Babies, aaaahhh I love em!!!
     
  15. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

    *hugs* Congratulations, Annie. It's hard right now, but it's amazing how it all falls into place as it should be. :)

    That being said, Brian was very supportive from the very beginning. The moment we saw the positive HPT, he was calming ME down as I freaked out and plotted ways to run away from my uterus. He hugged me until he absolutely had to leave for work, and then as soon as he came home again.

    If you need to talk, PM me. It wasn't long ago that I was pretty much there. :)
     
  16. FunkyPhreshMama

    FunkyPhreshMama Visitor

    just throw it out there and tell him he has to choose to be a dad or not, and if he is an ass about it, forget about him....................

    However I do beleive he needs to give financial support regardless if he wants to stick around or not, it was his decision to get into a situation that made the pregnancy happen in the first place so he has to be responsible for what came of his actions....

    even though I know there are a few mama's including myself on here that would have better luck sucking an graprfruit thru a straw than getting money from a "baby daddy" to support his children........... even taking legal action is bullshit around here, no one gives a shit about helping... =(
     
  17. Krsna Bhakti

    Krsna Bhakti d-_-b JAMMING

    Damn, that is crazy! My ex almost took my son away from me, and I have joint custody, and the scary part is, she could do so VERY VERY VERY easily! So I have to kiss her ass, even though she is the one, ah nevermind thats besides the point :)
     
  18. icedteapriestess

    icedteapriestess linguistic freak

    A friend of mine recently went through something simular. She and her boyfriend got pregnant within a couple months of starting to date. When she told him he freaked out and broke up with her, saying it was him or the baby, but she couldn't have both.
    She was obviously upset, and came to talk to me, as I was pregnant at the time.

    The boyfriend is basically a good guy. He had to do some thinking, but I figured he would come around. When she found out she was pregnant it took her awhile to get used to the idea, so why wouldn't it take him some time? She just sort of sprung it on him and expected everything to be hunky-dorry on his end ASAP.

    2 days later he came back... crawling on his hands and knees asking for forgiveness. They now have a happy 2 month old and are living together in (mostly) bliss.

    I hope your man comes around. He is basically a good guy, right? I mean, you are with him afterall. Give him some time to get used to the idea of being a father.. some men need to find the "father within" to wrap their heads around the idea, and for some that takes awhile.

    If he doesn't come around you are better off without him. As the other posters have said, don't cut off his rights, but I would seek financial aid. You said he lives far away? You are in Michigan, but he is also in the States? If not, you might have to figure out how International child support works!
     
  19. DancerAnnie

    DancerAnnie Resident Beach Bum

    I live in MIchigan, he lives in Southern California...no international stuff, but hard enough.

    One moment he's talking about moving in together to raise this child together...and the next he's so unsure about EVERYTHING. I am giving him a little leniency because he's a bit younger and not experienced in relationships or anything 'real life'...he's never really even had a job.

    I told him that I was OK with him not being involved. I have total confidence I could raise the child myself...he was really upset that I said that: "Annie, how could I pretend that this never happened? There will be a part of me out there..how can I deny that?"

    That's a good sign, of course, but then he's questioning everything in the next breath. We aren't in a relationship. We have been friends for almost two years...and one thing led to another while I was out there vacationing in Feb. It's crazy and confusing, but I'm confident, I've made the right decision to keep the child.
     
  20. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    congrats on the baby!
    fourtenately, when I was pregnant the first time, hubby (bf at the time) was happy as hell. I called him from work at 3am and told him that on the way home we may need to get a test.So we stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked one up, went home, and took the test together. When it came back positive, he went to hug me, and I stood still, completely petrified. Even though I had wanted a baby, I was still young (18 at the time) and had NO idea what I was doing with my life. He immidealtely called all his family within about 10 minutes....I, on the other hand, waited over a month to tell mine cuz I was so nervous.
    With this one, we both kinda wanted Leane to have a sibling, so we were happy when we found out. When I told him that I might be, he wasn't too enthusiastic, only because we now know what kinda of finacial strain it can sometimes cause and the fact that we're both full time college students. I went to the women's health clinic and got the test by myself this time since he was in class and ended up text messaging him a "+". He called me back and was pretty happy. He ran around the school and told everyone he could. He loves being a daddy, lol.
    With Leane, we had our freak-outs. There were times we didn't know what we were going to do. There was a month straight where I was told that I had to quit my job cuz it was too unhealthy, Cody got laid off, and we were praying for a management position of our apartment building, which would be our only hope of staying there and providing us with any imcome. Well, the day before our rent was due...and we hardly had any money, Cody calls the company and they said that the day before, some old dude had applied for the job so they took him over us since we seemed too young. So we had no jobs, no home, and no money. We were scared.
    We ended up moving in with my mom later that week and stayed there for a year and a half until we got our butts into college and got our own place (which was hard as hell to find around here).

    Cody actually got more scared AFTER Leane was born. About 3 weeks in, he was acting really weird and I couldn't figure out what his problem was. He kept making jokes about divorce, and it was really starting to piss me off. Finally one night, I asked him if he wanted one, and he never answered. I was freaked right out. I had some wicked PPD, had no help with Leane, had no idea whatsoever what I was doing, and now my husband wanted a divorce. I was so pissed off I told him to just go. So the next morning he called his mom so he could go move in with her. I COULD NOT BELIEVE HIM!!!!! I cried, freaked out, screamed, and just was dazed. My mom actually gave ME shit for causing him to leave since he still had a loan out on our car and she wanted her money. So not only was he not talking to me, my mom was yelling at me and I was just a mess.
    Before his mom came up that night, he decided to stay and talk. I was pretty much stone. My mom pulled me aside and told me that the best thing I could do was to smile and pretend he never felt that way. By this point, I had no idea what to do, so I just did that and "forgot" about it.
    We moved on, but it took a long time. He would keep telling me that he didn't find me attractive, that he was depressed, he hated his life....it wasn't fun. Since then we've had our problems...he still seems depressed a lot of the time, I had had a few too many run-ins with infidelity, and he can't hold a job to save his life (thankfully we're funded through a grant for school), but now I'm at a point where if he feels like he hates his life so much, he should just get lost. That's the best attitude to have if you ask me. Just act like you don't need the guy and see what happens. Cody straightened up quite a bit when i actually grew a bit of a back bone. He;s still pretty immature, but we're working on it...
     

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