"ARE YOU COUNTING?" We had a farmer friend. He was a virgin. Perhaps he knew a sheep or two, but no women. So, we took him to a cat house. We paid an extra fee to get a room with a peephole. He stood waiting nervously in the other room. A rather portly older woman stepped in. She took a corner of her ill fitting nighty and dabbed at the red pizza stains around her lips. She snapped, "What do you want, straight, doggy, sixty nine . . . ?" Being a gentleman, he answered promptly, "I don't rightly know, ma'am." She said, "Don't give me that shit! You want it missionary, or Greek, or sixty nine?" "Well, I guess I'll take one of those things you said last, " our friend axquiesced. In the blink of an eye, she had him stripped and on the bed. She discharged the wiles of her profession with something slightly less than fervor. Suddenly, her lunch began to kick in. She farted. She stopped, got off, and apologized profusely, her face red with a blush. We snickered in our private room as they returned to business. Then she really ripped one off. Put a part in his hair. She got up and begged his forgiveness. She asked, "Are you okay?" He answered, "Yes ma'am, I'm just fine, but I don't think I can take another sixty seven of 'em."
that was good, so here is another whore house joke: a oil rig worker was finally off the rig and headed straight for the cat house. when the madame asked what he was looking for, he replied "i am one tough motherfucker and i want a tough woman who can keep up with me" the madame said, "oh that would be lucy, go to room 4 and she'll be up soon". the roughneck said " that's fine and tell her to bring a couple bottles of beer with her" after he gets settled in bed, there is a knock on the door and a petite little flower carrying two bottles of beer walks in, he thinks to himself, she's not tough enough, but what the hell, i told the madame. she takes the beers, places them on the floor and kneels next to them. the guy says, "no no honey, on the bed and in the missionary position" and she says, "oh - i thought you might want to open the beers first!"
An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician check into a hotel. In the middle of the night, a fire breaks out in the engineer's room. He wakes up, grabs the fire extinguisher, sprays the room and puts out the fire. He then sprays the room again and goes back to sleep, secure with his 100% safety factor. Later, a fire breaks out in the chemist's room. He wakes, grabs the fire extinguisher, sprays the room and puts out the fire. He then feels around the room and since there are no hot spots, he goes back to sleep, secure that he found the minimum reagent. Later, a fire breaks out in the mathematician's room. He wakes up, grabs a pad and pencil and begins to write furiously. He pauses, goes to the bathroom, runs some water over his finger and returns to his figuring. He then goes back to sleep, secure in the knowlege that a solution is possible.
