Marital Expectations.

Discussion in 'Random Thoughts' started by YouFreeMe, Sep 16, 2013.

  1. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    What do you all except out of your future (or current) husband or wife? As a woman, do you feel obligated to cook dinner and do chores around the house? Do you expect your husband to do more of the physical tasks such as taking out the trash, building and fixing things?

    Men, do you expect your wife to organize the home, wake up for the crying babies in the night, exchange her career for motherhood?

    Would you feel like less of a woman/man if you weren't in charge or certain tasks? Would men, for example, feel emasculated as a stay at home father? Would ladies feel wrong working while their husband remained unemployed in the home?

    Or are your roles less traditional? Do you split everything down the middle? Do you feel traditional gender responsibilities are antiqued or do you believe they still hold value?

    Basically, I'm would you, ideally, like to see your husband/wife behave in their role as husband or wife? Or, if already married, how DO you behave?
  2. fitzy21

    fitzy21 Worst RT Mod EVAH!!!!

    ideally...sammiches being made is my one expectation from future wifey

    outside that, i'll gladly split tasks, clean, fix, be a stay at home dad, etc...traditional respsonsibilities be damned for most everything...but a good sammich better be made from the wife.
  3. Kinky Ramona

    Kinky Ramona Back by popular demand!

    Well, my husband does the bulk of the yardwork and most of the maintenance on the house, appliances, and cars... I always am the one who cleans the bathroom, kitchen, and dishes. We kind of split who does the cooking up, when I want something I'm good at cooking, I make it, if I want something he's good at cooking, he makes it. And we each do our own laundry normally.
  4. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

    Good post.

    I was raised for half my 'growing up' period by a feminist, the other half by a manly dude who was both father and mother roles. So I've developed this masculine but egalitarian attitude.

    Most of my gf's were put off by it because they felt useless, like they couldn't do their womanly thing and take care of me. Others could barely take care of themselves. But it always felt nice when they did, like coming home from work and the house is all clean and bustling and she had bought a bunch of stuff to make dinner.

    I think the answer is to find a system that works where you are both taking care of each other. And more importantly adoring each other. For example, if the woman worked all day and had to go deal with something after work think about how nice it feels for her to walk into a clean house. So she can just shower and eat, either going out or delivery lmao.

    It's given that I always fix shit, but that's what I do. Unless I was dating one of the chicks from all girls garage.. she just needs to leave that alone. Yeah there is man pride but let's be pragmatic here. I do it better.

    As far as being a stay at home father, that would be difficult because I feel like shit if I am not being tangibly productive and accomplishing things. But if I marry a doctor or something, I'm sure I could find that balance. I could have my detached, air conditioned building full of fabrication equipment and build custom bikes and cars at my leisure. And have other ventures that didn't demand m-f full time commitment. But by nature I'm a provider, it wouldn't be so emasculating as not feeling up to my human potential.
  5. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

    Oh and I pay people to take care of my yard. Fuck that shit.
  6. Pressed_Rat

    Pressed_Rat Do you even lift, bruh?

    Marriage is pretty stupid. It's just another one of those things you're supposed to do, but nobody asks why.

    Marriage might have worked at one time, and it still might for some people, but how many? Just look at the divorce rates.

    I think very few people are happy being with the same person their entire lives.
  7. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

    I don't believe that. I think too many people get married for the wrong reasons, though. IE they think they have to or are getting too old and running out of options. And then once they do get married, they forget why they did it in the first place in this instant gratification world.

    But damn. A good marriage and partnership has to be one of the best ways anyone can go through life.
  8. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    Replace "marriage" with: "cohabitation with person of long term romantic significance" and "husband/wife" with the variation of boyfriend/girlfriend of your choosing. And then answer the question.

    I don't know if marriage is the great solution, it was just easier to use for the sake of this thread.
  9. RickyRicardo

    RickyRicardo Member

    It's about shared responsibility, at least in my eyes.
    Stereotyping roles is an idea of the past. In this day and age, there's a hell of a men that can cook and cook well and do so.
    It comes down to compromise as well. You do the cleaning one day/week, whatever - I'll do it the next week.

    Both partners should know how to clean, cook, iron, do the laundry, etc. and have no qualms in doing so.
    You merely alternate between it.
  10. deviate

    deviate Senior Member

    What are your thoughts, OP?
  11. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Cohabitation is something else I question. In essence, I think cohabitation has two functions:

    a) saving money, splitting expenses and daily chores;

    b) making sure your partner isn't fucking someone else.

    Everyone will pay lip service to loving someone so much they can't spend a single breathing moment of their lives away from their partners, though. As though cohabitation somehow followed logically from loving someone.

    To me, it doesn't.
  12. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

    I do a lot of house work & not always because I have to but want to.
    My wife pays most of the bills but I'm the main money earner.
    I pay some of the bills we get that she asks me to or I do because she asks me to sometimes.
  13. themnax

    themnax Senior Member

    i was married for 13 yesrs, until she up and died on me, back around five years ago i think it is now. no expectations other then mutual commitment. and no expectations, no disappointments. she provided the income and i did most of keeping up the house.
    we both cooked and cleaned up after.

    we didn't see eye to eye on everything, but you can't expect that from anyone. unless they're your clone. and most people don't want that either.

    i would never advise anyone to marry anyone who had expectations based on gender though. i don't believe in gender roles. at all.

    the only expectation would be for each other to be there for each other when either of you needed a hug.

    if you don't have that, you don't have anything.
  14. usedtobehoney

    usedtobehoney Senior Member

    I think it's very easy to want to co-habitate with someone you love or even like. It's not about being with that person for every waking breath of your life, but experiencing all those little moments because you fall asleep together, wake up together, eat dinner together, rearrange the furniture together, etc. all those little moments that you miss when you don't live together.

    That said I know some relationships that work really well where the other party either works far away for long periods of time and they live together less than they are apart, or relationships where the two don't live together at all and keep it that way for very long periods of time(like years or even decades).

    As for expectations...I think themnax got it. It's nice to have someone there who will understand or at least understand to the extent that they will give you a sympathetic hug when you need it.

    I am not at all into having the duty of cleaning up after someone else all the time, I am also not into the idea of having to make all the money to support someone else, unless that person is amazingly good at saving money in other places and maintaining the space we share while I'm working. It's all about each party doing their best and acknowledging the other person's needs and abilities.
  15. YouFreeMe

    YouFreeMe Visitor

    For me it sort of depends on the individuals. Just do what you like, or what you are good at. Split the stuff you both can't stand. A close friend of mine and I were speaking on this subject and she believed that the man is the natural leader in a relationship. In other words, it is his job to make all final decisions (who does what, what house to buy, where to move, etc.). I certainly would not put up with that in a relationship.
  16. Let's face it, the man is always the strong and sensible force in a relationship. Woman are for showing off to friends and for keeping the house clean and cooking food.

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