Make up a personal add

Here is mine. Wanted: Good-looking tall dude, (Well you can be short and not good-looking but then that would be a male me lol.) that likes fun and weird stuff. Must want to talk about taboo subjects. (Politics, Religion, how to properly crack a whip.) You must be at lease 25. (I figure by then that Nintendo and playboy are dying down.) Must love to travel and see new things. (Or else you are sitting at home alone 'cause I'm going out, fellow!) Knowing how to cook is a plus. (Knowing how to complain is a minus.) I love long drives, walking, and talking about most anything. (I’ll ride and talk the whole way unless you let me bring music and I don't like talk- radio.) I'm 5'3 and yes I have a few added features to my frame but I'm crazy. (That's a plus because I don't abuse it.) If you turn me on I could dig you in a groovy way. (If you don't it could be a long miserable ride, Jack.) I hope to meet you soon. (That means get on the ball, Paul.) Thanks for all interested parties and I hope you like me. (Not overly important but it helps in a relationship.)

Now it's your turn.

 

Wanted: Salma Hayek for discreet no-attachments pleasure. Must be willing to pretend to be "just friends" in public. Closet nyphomania a plus. Ability to spend long periods of time hiding under the bed an added bonus.

 

Wanted: female version of me.

 

Wanted: This guy:

 

Why is he strangling that poor kitten?

 

Wanted: A zit faced homo who bites kittens.

 

Wanted-Single professional (preferably non-profit) male 6'0 and over for a casual yet commitied relationship. Must like late night strolls on the beach, dogs and travel. Dark hair and hazel eyes a plus.

ME-Single, white female, professional, graduate student with long dirty blond hair and hazel eyes. I am 5'9 and fit, but need my cookies.

 

He's having trouble converting to vegetarianism. Poor kitty.

 

my personal add would say

oh oh oh pick me. pick me

 

WANTED: A guy to sucker into changing dirty diapers 7 days a week! Must have arms and hands so they can do tasks for me. Preferble if you enjoy doing other peoples laundry.

 

If you can shake your tail and hit the litter box in the correct spot then you may be my guy.

 

haha what a funny thread. you guys are great.

 

I always like to please my fanbase.

 

Wanted: Female whose willing to be open and accepting to all walks of life, who doesn't think by spending 50 bucks at hot topic your a punk. Pluses: Cute, sense of sarcastic humor, listens to Ska, Real Punk, or Metal. Kinky

 

wanted a man
i don't care what you look like but you have to be really really old (at least 102) with loads of money, bad heart condition, steep stair case and a big slippery rug at the top.

me
i'm holding your will and best fountin pen and telling you where to sign

oh and i want a GSOH

is that too much to ask?

s

 

DECIPHERING PERSONAL ADS

WOMEN'S ADS

• 40-ish.................... 49
• Adventurer.................Slept with all your friends
• Average looking...............Has a face like a basset hound
• Beautiful................... Pathological liar
• Contagious Smile.............Does a lot of Ecstasy
• Emotionally Secure..........Medicated
• Feminist....................Fat ballbuster
• Free spirit.................Junkie
• Friendship first............Trying to live down reputation as a slut
• Fun..........................Annoying
• Gentle......................Comatose
• Good Listener..............Borderline Autistic
• New-Age.....................All body hair, all the time
• Open-minded...............Desperate
• Outgoing..................Loud and Embarrassing
• Passionate................Sloppy drunk
• Poet......................Depressive Schizophrenic
• Professional..............Certified Bitch
• Redhead...................Bad dye-job
• Reubenesque...............Grossly Fat
• Romantic.....................Looks better by candle light
• Social.....................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
• Voluptuous..................Very Fat Weight proportion w/height.
• Fat..........................As tall as you are wide
• Wants Soulmate...............Stalker
• Young at heart.............Old bat

MEN'S ADS

• 40-ish.................... 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
• Athletic.................... Watches a lot of NASCAR
• Average looking........... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
• Educated.................. Will patronize the hell out of you
• Free Spirit................ Will sleep with your sister
• Friendship first............ As long as friendship involves nookie
• Fun.......................Good with a remote and a six pack
• Good looking.............. Arrogant
• Very good looking........... Dumb as a board
• Honest...................... Pathological Liar
• Huggable..................... Overweight, more body hair than a bear
• Likes to cuddle............ Insecure mama's boy
• Mature..................... Older than your father
• Physically fit............ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
• Poet......................Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall
• Sensitive................. Cries at chick flicks
• Very sensitive.............. Gay
• Spiritual.................. Got laid in a cemetery once
• Stable...................... Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
• Thoughtful.................. Says "Excuse me" when he farts

 

did you amke those up that was wonderful!!!!!!!!!

s

 

wanted wealthy widdow with sailboat or cuban mafia princess with dad who needs a new crew soldier!

 

basset hounds are cute ...i must like the "avrage look"

 

The basset hound thing was for the woman's ad. For guys it's 'Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back'