M2M Sex-How do I reconcile my husband's choices/lies?

For four years now my husband has been illicitly having sex with men. He doesn't see it as gay, he insists its his reaction to stress and it is not a "desire for sex" but a compulsion for relief.

He also gives me a load of other bullshit about it being over. Yet I know he still peruses craigslist and has video/images texted to him and FROM him to men.

He went to some therapy and after a few sessions proclaimed himself impulse free. Yeah.Right.

At this point I just wish to hell he could just be honest. We have had a deep connection and lots of emotional, sexual, and intimate pleasure as well as professional ties.

At this point I want to sell everything and move to Europe with my daughter.

I question every time I leave the house. I don't know if I should care.

IF he could be honest, which he can't. I would be able to figure out if I can live with it or not.

But the lies make it impossible because I don't know him if he is lying to me. I can't talk to anyone really. They either judge him or me. They freak out or they shrug it off. Should I care? Should I just ignore it? What about what I wanted? I WANTED A HUSBAND WHO JUST WANTED ME. Narcissistic of me? Childish of me? perhaps.

I am never going to have that so how do I reconcile it?

 

Yikes. I wouldn't be tolerating that at all if he could not be honest with me. If I were in your situation and my husband was at least open and honest with me then at least I could figure out if it was something I could tolerate or not. But without honesty there is no trust and no way I'd be dealing with that. I'd be gone.

Only advice I can give you is...talk with him... tell him that you absolutely need him to be honest with you and that that is not optional. Let him know that if he cannot be honest you cannot trust him and there is no way you are staying without trust. There is no basis for a relationship w.out trust.

Even as it is... if he were to start being totally honest-you'd have to figure out if you even want to stay or not. You may not want to... but at least you could know what's going on and think about it.

 

Yeah, I don't know if he can be. He is so fearful of losing me. But of course, as you say, if he can't be I don't see how we can go on.

Thank you

 

Yea, I just don't really know what else to say. Do you think he's still doing things and lying to you? I mean I Just checked your post again and you said he's still looking on craigslist... that would either tell me that he is still doing things in the future or will be if he's not currently. I'd just tell him flat out that I know he still is and if he can't discuss it with you for you to be able to figure out what to do...then you are defiantly leaving. Good luck.

 

He lies and cheats. Dump him. People that do those things are not worth it.

 

Are you willing to accept him continuing to see other men on the side, without being jealous and pissed off? If the answer is no, I highly doubt you will be able to reconcile yourself with his life choices. If you think you can have an open marriage, then over time perhaps you will be able to overlook what has happened.

You know you best, do you think you can forgive him and trust him?

 

Do it. =D

 

And who made him go to therapy?


Dump him so he can be free of such a control freak

 

I am sorry. Cheating is just plain wrong. Don't care about the excuse.. It seems (without me being harsh) that he is not willing to do anything about the cheating and is not doing anything to repair his relationship with you. I don't like my own advice, but leave. File for divorce and get out. Move on. It is the only way you will feel better at some point and you will be safe. Both physically and mentally. With all the STD's and stuff, you have to make sure you keep yourself safe. Since he is lying about having affairs, what would stop him from lying about anything else. I am sorry.