Low Quality LSD - Loss of Self. (Son of a psychotically bi-polar mother)

So I'm a dope fiend. Or used to be at least. Cocaine, crack, obviously weed, x, meth, est, est. I used drugs for the numbing "nothing else matters" feeling. Fuck it all, I'm high, essentially. Although the first drug I ever did was pot, I didn't know about the concept of psychedelics for a good while.

Anyhow, I had a long day (Not really a bad day) and wanted to get fucked up. This was my first mistake. I asked a friend what he could get. Acid. One of the drugs, excuse me, chemicals I said I'd never ever ever take. I generally do a shitload of research until I know the risk of doing said drug. Not this night. I called up my best friend (Whom I have known since I was 4) in the world and asked him if he wanted to watch me trip balls at his brothers house. So I go pick up some bud for a blunt before I drop the blotter. I didn't want to drive on acid so my friend took me to his brothers house right after I dropped it.

So I roll up the blunt, smoke half of it and my body starts ringing. Tingling, vibrating, hard to describe. I sat down on the couch and just looked at my best friend, his brother and his wife... I felt as though I couldn't say anything. The only thing I could seem to get out was, "I can't talk... I can't talk, I just can't talk. " I just continued to say this until my friend decided to leave. So we bid his brother and wife farewell.

We get in his car and he starts blasting some devil driver. This song. Loud speakers and I could almost see the music flowing. Streams of red anger swirling around my supposed best friend in the world. He's talking to me through the music!! I remember listening to the lyrics and thinking he was playing these songs intentionally attempting to tell me what he actually thinks of me because he's too scared to actually just tell me. I can still see his posture at the steering wheel. Anger, hate and a bit of fear. These emotions were so real, extruding from his body and boosting my anxiety.

This scared the living shit out of me. Not literally. Without a word I opened the door and got out of the car. Right after I got out of the car, a rush came. I could think clearer than ever, everything made sense. Some friends told me about a website you can only go to while tripping, so I went there, but didn't really get it. Wrapping up the night I did a lot of typing, and eventually took a walk with my brother in a dark alley. He said something and I looked at him and realized that he wasn't real and I was being escorted somewhere by a hallucination or worse. So I ran back to my house as fast a my feet would take me. Turns out he wasn't a hallucination.

48-72 hours after the drop, I was smoking a cigarette outside and saw a black figure fly past in my peripherals.

A general psychosis formed after taking the LSD. It lasted for at least 6 months. Disassociation and delusional thinking became normal.

My best friend and all our other friends connected by him wanted me dead. How would they do it? Poison over a long period of time that couldn't be traced? Were they supernatural? Did they not need physical means to kill? Did they need me for something? Was I just their friend? Were they trying to turn me against God? Were they demons?

After that night I did a lot of research on LSD and Timothy Leary. Timothy Leary was a pawn of Satan and he was using him to get everyone to take this forbidden fruit called LSD. I tried so hard to get God to answer me and tell me that I was okay, but he didn't answer like always. I read the bible looking for answers that I didn't find on the trip. I destroyed all my satanic music and attempted to become Christian again. (My whole family is Christian, except for me.) I was so happy to be a part of the family. To not be the blacksheep of the family. The misfit, the broken piece; I was no longer these things.

Angry at my best friend for blasting heavy metal and driving irresponsibly while I was tripping acid. I decided to give him the same type of scare that he gave me. I asked him if he wanted to go to the park to talk about shit. He said yeah. I drove 75 down a 30 mph street while playing songs in response to the ones he played....

In conclusion, I irrationally jumped from conclusion to conclusion on no evidence. I threatened several of my friends lives and developed what seemed like a fairly long psychosis. At first I couldn't even listen to the radio because I thought a higher power was playing certain songs for me telling me I was going to die for how bad I've been or some shit. Ever since then I've been too embarrassed to hang out with any of my friends really. I didn't feel like I was good enough to hang out with them in the first place.

I now realize my other friends are just dope fiends who don't give a fuck about me and talk like we're brothers and then throw up the deuces and leave me hanging. That's one good thing about the trip, I stopped doing drugs for half a year and now I only smoke weed.

My personality seemed like it degraded, I couldn't think or respond very well. But for the most part that's gone away. The only thing is I used to be very extroverted, now I'm almost completely introverted. I miss my friends obviously... I just don't know if what I experienced was a form of phycosis or a heads up. Lol.... I'm interested in any similar stories.

Yes, I know, I REALLY shouldn't have done LSD with a defective gene pool, after a bad day or with friends that I didn't necessarily trust. So what do you guys thing ruined the trip? There's so many variables it could have been anything, but seeing how the psychosis lasted about 6 months I suppose it could be pre-schizophrenia... Which I REALLY hope isn't the case.

 

i went through very similar shit when i started tripping hard like that too

i started thinking i was going schizo, i had similar experience where i thought people were not real and trying to hurt me, kill me,trick me, make fun of me, ect.

dont take your hallucinations so literally

 

When I had my great big meltdown trainwreck bonanza trip; I felt the same way. The event itself was awful, but it sent ripples throughout my personality and life for months after - even years later I don't feel quite the same. I learned some things and found some positives; but all the same I was more or less ruined for months. I know how to meditate and calm myself down, how to remember what's real and what's not, all of that...but this time it felt like my own mind turned against me and each thought was just a downward spiral trapping me. Nomatter how I tried to calm down, my mind convinced itself I was just sugarcoating it and was actually dying or worse.

Nasty night, hard to explain, kept me off of just about any type of 'chemicals' up to this day...short of a beer or sleeping pill here and again.

But you being able to spell it all out now so cohesively shows you came through the other side okay. You're lucky, dude.

 

very well put, this is exactly what happens to me on the worst of my bad trips, theres no escaping it

 

Whenever someone freaks out from LSD they always go to being a Christian. I understand that lsd hits you so deep that spirituality seems to automatically result from it. The greatest thing that LSD taught me though is that there is no reason to pertain to some religion.

Life itself has the quality of religousness in it. The birds, the bees, the trees swaying, the water running, this is your sermon. Your own body, this is your temple. Your own consciousness is god. You need not a organized religion to see this.

Religion takes away from truly being religous. It keeps you away from your indiviuality, it gives you beliefs and dogmas and fears, especially the Christian religion. It makes you a seperate group, just by saying your are christian you are seperating yourself from the rest of humanity. Now everyone else is another competing religion, one can never be satisfied if he is in constant competition.

If you stop taking psychedelics to search for spirituality, that is fine, probably even more beneficial, but I say take with you what the psychedelics have taught you. They have taught that divinity is everywhere, everything should be an act of devotion to the whole. They taught we are all one humanity, that god is everywhere, that through simple silence and meditation we would see the truth.

I think it is time to get rid of religion. Religion should be called inner science. There should be no beliefs to live by. One should just know of spirit, one should know of spirit like he knows the sun rises everyday. No one believes in the sun, they know it, they know it is there.

So I ask to break tradition, break belief, go towards spiritiuality, but don't have a name for it, just let it be, let it be a quality of life. Then it needs no church, it needs no priest's conformation, it is everywhere, experienced and known. That is the true way of spirituality, that is the point of the psychedelic experience, to witness that which is all around, to dissolve the boundaries, not create new ones.

Learn how to see the oneness in all, make no lines in the map of your mind, let all be as one, go back to pangea, no seperation, all the continents were together, there were no seperations.

 

That is a fucking amazing story. It really like, hit me. I can't even articulate why.

It seems so... hopeful to me.

 

Right on man :cheers2:

 

100%. yet whenever i try and help someone out by saying that to them i am severely critisized for 'attacking other peoples beliefs' - absurdity i tell you!

 

That is one of the best posts I have ever read.

I completely agree that many religions go about things the wrong way.

I cannot think of a worse way to 'celebrate life' and contemplate the enormousness and the amazing universe we live in by blindly repeating lines (or latin) in a church... Being out on a mountain, seemingly able to view the entire world, with the wind running through your hair is surely a far more spiritual moment!

 

it's voluntary slavery - obviously there is freedom of thought, but almost every single practicing religious person will drag their kids into the mess.

 

I read the whole thing and i think your trip was actually a very good trip. It seems as though u realized that your drug use might have affected the good life you ought to be living. If your able to write about your trip and so on, i think your mind seems to have taken the experience as a good one, even though you want to think it was negative.

If the relationship with your friends is entirely based on drug use, try and find some new true friends. if i were u i wouldnt eliminate my friendship with your friends just becasue you tripped acid and werent really in the right state of mind. go smoke some bud with your friends, explain to them what your mind was thinking(even though it was just b/c u were tripping balls) and try to laugh the whole thing off as the crazy time u tripped acid.

 

thank you for the post. found it brilliant.
I had a similar experience last time i dropped. I just brokedown and thought about the things in my life i havent thought about before. I "realized" i was absolutely alone and that i've been a person i don't like and all that jazz. Thinking people are making fun of you is so normal, but stop trying to tap into the things that should be going on and emanate the goods things from you. yeah and what deadhead said, when u hang with your friends again, just laugh it off

 

Neurosis of the heart, whenever a system is destroyed, it always reforms, always recrystallizes, to a higher state than what it was before. The ability of LSD to completely demolish people for months at a time is part of the reason so many people find it so beneficial. While LSD destroying you brought out all these odd and undesirable energies in you, it also forced you to get such energies out of yourself, and clear your mind body and soul of them entirely. Now that you have cleaned out your soul a bit, and pieced your brain back together, and know how it goes together better, you would be able to put it back together easier if you were to take lsd again.

And don't doubt your intuitions so much, trust your intuitions, just don't color them with thought. The truth is, everything is in perfect divine harmony, the songs being played over the radio at the certain time you listen to them are apart of this divine flow just as much as the formation of the earth or encountering a true love of sorts. Energy will arrive to you as you need it, per this divine flow, the Tao so to say, and the energy can arrive in anyway. A song on the radio, finding something on the street, encountering an old friend, meeting a new friend, etc. Whatever. But when this divine flow reveals itself, don't freak out and lose yourself to bewilderment over it's oddity. Simply pay attention. Listen, don't think or cover up actual reality with the thoughts in your brain.

 

...?

Surely being paranoid about your friends and family making fun of you secretly isn't 'normal'...?

 

Ive felt before like people make fun of me...

I developed a mantra to repeat to myself

"If thats the cost of living without fear than so be it"

 

I'd just like to say I loved reading that. Want to share some more in depth stories from that time period? lol

Seriously though...Good writer...Interesting experience

 

what are u confused about, ive definatley had similar thoughts when i was tripping acid.

 

Oh I thought you meant in everyday life

Yeah i completely agree when tripping

 

Just because it is common doesn't mean it should be that way. But because it is common it is kind of normal. It doesn't even have to happen while tripping. That's pretty narrow minded to think it doesn't happen in a lot of cases. Personally I'm experiencing it happen with one of my friends, I've had it happen with myself, and many other friends of mine. MmmK? Lets not be ignorant.

It's a very real mental state that is far too common, in its own way it is justified, but it is just a phase.

 

I agree but there is a tendency to 'let it be' if you think that it is normal. If you realise that it is illogical and paranoid, you can work to fix it, face the demon etc.