Hi there, I'm new to this forum, I really hope someone can give me some advice on this situation i'm in.i hope i dont bore anyone with my life story but i think its crucial to take everything into concideration when making the best decision.. I guess it took me much longer than other women to even realise i'm a lesbian, i've been with men, been in love and in long relationships with men.. Until i met my current girlfriend. by then i was i was already in a 5 year relationship with a guy..and having feelings for someone else yet alone a woman was very hard, and in the end i cheated on him, and he found out and left me. anyway its my third year with my girlfriend now. In the beginning we were madly in love, but i made some stupid mistakes and broke her heart. worse than that i lost her trust, but she stayed with me anyway.. (btw theres a bit of age difference between us - 13 years - ) i was convinced i cud not live without her! occasionally we would get in to big arguements, because of trust issues and i think we grew a little more distant each time.. since i moved in with her, we've always been talking about building a family together and growing old together etc... a few months later we moved to a bigger house, then we adopted a puppy, then bought a house together, opened a small cafe together,(with financial backers and we are in some debt atm) and now she's preparing to open another place and i'm left in charge of the first one. ...i suppose we did get too serious too soon... in May this year i met a lesbian couple who came to one of our events... both more my age, and we got along quite well - i'd been feeling lonely for quite sometime - i'd sort of abandoned all my old friends when i got with my girlfriend cuz i was sure they wouldnt understand me being a lesbian and me cheating and they were all friends with my ex boyfriend too... - so i didnt really have any friends for a long time, anyway i met this lesbian couple. i'll refer to them as F and S, to make it easier from now on. we really got along and became good friends soon after that.especially with S. ofcourse it wasnt long till i realised i had feelings for S. we became quite good friends but silly me i decided to tell her how i felt, also because my girlfriend was becoming suspicious... when i first told her how i felt i also told her that nothing wud happen between us and we'd just be friends. i cudnt afford to hurt my girlfriend, or in anyway risk S & F's relationship.. S and I spent a few weeks always talking to eachother either online or on the phone, and they'd come over very often...but after a while her girlfriend also noticed i have feelings for S, so they stopped coming over, and then we stopped talking to eachother completely... Here's the thing, i'm pretty sure that at some point S also had feelings for me, but she freaked out when the significant others clicked on. since then i'm trying to figure out where i stand, or stood.. she is confusing me.... all the while i grew even more distant with my girlfriend, till one day we broke up... but then we got back together, since then she's been so busy i hardly see her even though we live together, most nights she works very late and stays at her friends house which is closer to the new place...and when we are together i very strongly feel that i am in no way attracted to her physically, but as a person she means the world to me, and i know she is a much better person than S, if anything i've come to the conclusion that S is rather confused herself and we are deffinitely not compatible... my girlfriend loves me very much, and i love her too, even though i cant see myself being with her physically, i'm not in a position to up and leave her because of all the commitments, the house morgage and the cafe, and our cat & dog etc... even if i do take S out of the picture and out of my mind (which is quite hard) i'm confused and sort of lost, how can i move on without hurting anyone, must i be moving on when we've come so far and cud verywell be in a loving, secure relationship. You might think i'm a bad person but i'm done feeling bad, i just can't see where i'm going or what i should be doing.. Any advice? Two women, one i'm not attracted to but care about a lot.. the other, a woman i know is bad for me, yet i find myself wishing we could both be single so we could sleep together or atleast get to know eachother more... and i know i couldnt be in a relationship with S it just wouldnt work.. or i'm trying to convince myself that so i can get over her..... do i stay in this system i built, in security .. or do i throw everything away?
Hello, No one can tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Only you know that. The first thing I would ask myself is Am I happy? More questions? Is S still in your life? When you say physical do you mean in a sexual manner? I can understand that you can love a person greatly but no longer in love with that person. If you know S is no good for you then why even go there? Is S still with her girlfriend? I know you don't want to hurt anyone. Yet someone will be hurt it is a fact. May it be your girlfriend if you decide to leave. Or it is you right now. You have to do what is right for you. Can you live in a loving but a sexless relationship? If I am wrong please correct me? I don't know where you live or what laws if any are there if you decide to go. I don't know if you privately message anyone here, cause I am new. If you can and want to chat you can drop me a line. Cheers
I had been feeling very confused but there are so many details, more than i can explain in a paragraph... I still dont know how S feels towards me, we do talk every now and then, just casually... But I've already built myself a life with my girlfriend and i have to stick with it, it's not that bad after all, i do love her and i cant throw away everything i have with her just because things get rough sometimes. Whatever i'm feeling towards S will have to wait.. if it's meant to be with S it will eventually happen, there's nothing i can do right now.. thanks for your consideration i really appreciate it
