love

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by DrHoffman, Sep 20, 2006.

  1. DrHoffman

    DrHoffman Member

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    whats the difference between being "in-love" with someone and "just loving" someone?
     
  2. EazyE

    EazyE Senior Member

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    Its hard to explain but you know when you are in love. You find that your partner is ALWAYS on your mind....and sometimes in your dreams :p
     
  3. Alloy

    Alloy Member

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    True love is unconditional, in which you love the person despite their faults and accept them wholly.
     
  4. His Eden

    His Eden Queen of Mean

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    I love my friends and family....I am in-love with my husband. :) It must be the sex ;)

    Seriously, I love my family but I dont always like them.....I like who my husband is as a person, and who I am with him. Even when I get mad at him and may not like something he did, I still like him for who I know him to be.
     
  5. DrHoffman

    DrHoffman Member

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    i think when you "in-love" with someone, they become your every thought, everytime you think about them you smile to yourself and get these warm feelings...you cant stop thinking about them, you get butterflies in your stomach when you phone them, you dream about them, you try and bring them up them in every conversation with your buddies, etc, etc...
    sex with that person is ecstatic and you get more pleasure from pleasing them than yourself...when the sex stops your still enjoy having them around

    and when u "just love" someone, that magical spark is not there, but you enjoy their companionship, you get used to them being around...sex with them is great but when the sex stops you dont wanna be with them...

    am i too far-fetched in these theories??
     
  6. Haid

    Haid Member

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    No this is just the infatuation period of a romance. This is where you think everything they do is perfect. It has a biological basis and is produced by a chemical in your brain. Trying to regain this feeling ends a lot of relationships. The sex doesn't stop in this phase so it is a mute point. This is not being "In Love" this is just the easy part of a relationship.

    This is just the latter stages of a relationship. The infatuation dies down and you start noticing the faults. Feeling that you are being trapped by routine is common. Many go through depressions because they start to focus on "the grass is greener" type stuff. This is the point where being "In Love" comes in. Anyone can be happy during the infatuation period. You know you truely are "In Love" when you come to the conclusion that neither of you is perfect but that there companionship means everything to you. This is the part when both parties have to "work" on the relationship on a daily basis. You have to live more selflessly. You have to be "In Love" to think of your partner more then yourself and try to fulfill their needs. Sex is the first to go in this phase when you are not fullfilling each other needs.
     
  7. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

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    I will disagree with everyone else. There is no difference, other than the different ways love manifests itself with different people. I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my Mom, and I love many many other people as well. With each of those people, my love for them is totally different. I think "in love" implies that one can fall "out of love" with a person. Real, true love doesn't work that way. It doesn't just go away, ever, not even if the person you love turns out to be an evil monster.
     
  8. DeathRowDisco

    DeathRowDisco Member

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    I agree that being "in love" implies that you can and might fall "out of love" and that isn't quite it...

    I love my family and friends. I'd do anything for them - I'd die for (most of) them. I love having them around, I love their company, and my husband and I sure as hell don't mind if we have simple plans on a weekend (going to the lake/river, having a barbecue, whatever) and a couple friends or family members (siblings, cousins, etc) come over beforehand, we ask them to join us because we love our friends and families.

    On the other hand, I love my husband. Some days I just don't want to be around anybody. I close the curtains, lock the doors, keep the music off and don't answer the phone so nobody knows I'm home, because I just don't want to see anyone. I like my alone time, and even having a friend disrupt that can upset me once in a while, I just want to be alone, and I'll only let friends in if they're somebody that I really WANT to talk to or if they need me (just someone to talk to, etc). I just don't always want to be around my friends, that's it, and I think that's understandable. But then my husband comes home and everything's good again. He's NEVER someone that I try to avoid for "just wanting to be alone" - my "alone" time always has room for him. Always.
     
  9. Jenny_420

    Jenny_420 Member

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    i think when you "in-love" with someone, they become your every thought, everytime you think about them you smile to yourself and get these warm feelings...you cant stop thinking about them, you get butterflies in your stomach when you phone them, you dream about them, you try and bring them up them in every conversation with your buddies, etc, etc...
    sex with that person is ecstatic and you get more pleasure from pleasing them than yourself...when the sex stops your still enjoy having them around


    I believe this is right... with my boyfriend.. I would do anything just to make him happy weather it makes me happy or not.. his happeness mean 1000000x more then mine!
     
  10. RELAYER

    RELAYER mādhyamaka

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    Even smoke a bong?
     
  11. Alloy

    Alloy Member

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    I believe this is right... with my boyfriend.. I would do anything just to make him happy weather it makes me happy or not.. his happeness mean 1000000x more then mine![/QUOTE]
    That part sounds a little unhealthy to me. It is okay to be selfish once in awhile because you deserve to be happy too.
     
  12. Haid

    Haid Member

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    True but if they are doing the same for you, then it is not an issue.
     
  13. mamaboogie

    mamaboogie anarchist

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    that's not love, that's codependency, and it's not healthy for either of you. You have to look out for number one, nobody else is going to do it for you.



    The other, that's infatuation, something totally different than love, IMO.
     
  14. pixierose

    pixierose Member

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    i would describe 'loving someone' as deeply caring about them, to the point that you would probably give your life to save theirs.

    being 'in love' though, i think is like a sickness, in that it physically affects you... a dizziness when they're around, your mouth goes dry, can't eat, can't sleep at night...your body goes on edge and there's not a lot you can do about it, aside from telling your brain to "calm the hell down!"

    i find it hard to determine the difference between infatuation and being in love though. but i think being in love is more sincere, and less conscious/intentional- you can feed infatuation through fantasizing, but often falling in love is accidental.

    it's a really interesting topic though. a summary of my theory:

    infatuation- intentional, dependant on the subject of affections being present/recently present. comes and goes quickly

    in love- mostly unintentional, depends on subject of affections and circumstances (but a little is needed to fuel a long-term feeling). comes quickly, leaves lasting effects

    loving someone- completely unintentional, cannot be manipulated by person themself. unconditional- subject of affections and circumstances have little effect. long term to never-ending effect

    :rolleyes: well! that was a long post! haha
     

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